Can You Accept Being a Great Parent Without Control?

July 9, 2008 at 7:13 am | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, parents, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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As a parent you need to understand that you are in control of your child and at the exact same time you are as far removed from your child as an elephant in Africa. 

You have an obligation as a parent to set up the most caring home you can:  A home filled with love, positive guidance, and morals and values that you believe in.  But as you know, this is a task that causes great anxiety.  You are so stretched to your limits of parenting that some times you lose sight of how to create this home. And you trudge along hoping everything will be good in the end.

The saddest part of this picture is that often things turn out fine in the end.  But the journey has been so difficult and so arduous that it hardly seems to matte any way.

What you want is to find a way to know the end of the journey is going to be good and at the same time to enjoy and relish your time as a parent.

Yesterday we talked about being granted serenity.  If you have not reached any moments of serenity then you need to think of how you are trying to get it.  If there is any begging, neediness, or whining for it, you are can try being more gentle with yourself and with your eternal energy.

Today we are going to talk about “accepting the things I cannot change.”  Every moment that we are alive we are out of control.  We cannot truly control anything or anyone. 

When you look at life this way you can let go of the things that bug you, drive you crazy, and keep you up at night.  Know that you can not actually change things.  Know that change happens, and reactions happen to what you do. 

How does this kind of thinking change your parenting?  As a parent you may have been trying to set everything up to be just perfect, or even as nearly perfect, as you are humanly capable of doing for your family.  This of course is well and good. 

The problem comes because of all the glitches.  And these glitches, large and miniscule, gnaw at your insides, put overwhelm in everything you do- from breathing to actually reading a story to your children.

When you “accept the things I cannot change” you no longer have to be in control.  You now have the privilege to see yourself as one who influences, who guides, and can set things in motion.  But the weight of perfection is gone.

You are a wonderful parent filled with love and caring.  Remember you have serenity.  Now with accepting that which you cannot change, you have freedom to truly love and cherish your children. 

Loving and cherishing your children is the number one best thing you can do to set the motion for your children live the most fantastic life they can.  And it starts today!

Accept the things you cannot change.  Put serenity into its proper place in your parenting.  And see how the nagging, headache causing stresses that surround you and your children begin to evaporate.

You are welcome to share your acceptance of the things you cannot change and how that freed you to love and cherish your children. 

If you have a major acceptance please share, and if you have something that is so trivial and insignificant please share that as well. 

Everyone needs to hear how you are able to use this information.

As always, Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity.

Grace

 

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Tickle Me Tuesday: The Joy of Parenting…Wisdom from Grace

June 10, 2008 at 8:45 am | Posted in attitudes, children, Families, Family Time, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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The Joy of Parenting

When you hear these words, is the first thought that comes to your mind the Joy of Cooking?  Well, if it wasn’t now, it is.  There are some significant similarities and some vast differences between cooking and parenting.

The two major differences between parenting and cooking are:

  • If you burn the meal you can always make another one.
  • If you screw up the kids, you have to figure out how to unscrew up the kids.  You can’t just get a new set.
  • Although a cookbook can have thousands of recipes in it, if you truly follow the instructions exactly, there is little room for failure of the one dish you are making.
  • Not so with kids.  If you do get a recipe, it can be completely useless for your kid.  And can even backfire.  With kids you need to take in the information that is given you and adjust for your entire family.

And these differences make you, the parent, anxious, fearful, confused and overwhelmed.  When you get stuck in these emotions with your parenting, things begin to go wrong. 

The joy of parenting seems to be non-existent for you.  And in fact it is.  Oh, you may have a few glimmers and fleeting moments of that joy.  And you can really see it in other parents and kids.  But where is it for you?  Why can’t you just get the book and figure out the recipe?  Obviously people have been raising kids forever.  So why is it so hard for you to find and actually live fulltime with the joy of parenting?

Your answer is where you are looking for it.  How do you think it will come to you?  I am not going to say simply look in your heart and you will find the answers.  You already have done that.  Or just let it come to you.  You have probably tried that as well.  And besides, if that were all it took, then there would be none of the issues that you have!

No my dear, it takes much more than that simple inward glance or waiting till it gets to you to have joy in your parenting. 

If you are missing the joy of parenting, you need to purposefully bring joy to your parenting.  But how do you bring joy to your parenting and where is this illusive joy hiding in the first place?

Now is the part where the joy of cooking and the joy of parenting come together. 

By following the recipe in the cookbook, you can have one pretty good dish.  By following this recipe of parenting you can have one aspect of the joy of parenting. 

When you make one great dish, you are inspired to make another one.  As you continue to make recipes you become more excited and interested in cooking.  And when one flops, no big deal.  Just make another one. 

With parenting it really is the same.  When you find one way to have joy in your parenting, you become excited.  You are confident.  You create more and more ways to have joy in your parenting.  And if one way flops to bring joy, it is not the whole parenting that has flopped.  It is not your kids that have flopped.  And in many cases the flop is so funny that there is still some joy in the humor of it.

Here is what you want to know – How to get that first bit of joy into your parenting; opening the door so that you can have the excitement and confidence to gain more and more joy in your parenting.  

Start with using respect for your children and respect for your parenting.  With mutual respect you are no longer looking for something on the outside or hoping it will just appear.  This is purposeful.  When you use a recipe you do things in a purposeful way.

Here are four things to do to be respectful of your children.

1.  Ask them a question that is specific. 

  • “Did you jump rope with Sally today?”
  • “Where you able to answer most of the questions on your math test?” 
  • “How did you skin your knee?”

2.  When your child answers, you look them in the eye.  Be listening only to them.  Multitasking masks the joy of parenting.

3.  When your child comes to you and wants your attention, either give it to them fully or let them know when you will be available.  Then you must set your timer and be available when you say you will be.  It is no different than you wanting them to go to bed, come to dinner, or get ready for school. 

4.  Stop always multitasking when you are with your kids.  Make real commitments to do one simple thing with your children each day.  It can be as simple as talk to them for a conversation without TV, computer, cooking, homework, or anything else going on.

I know this may be hard- you are so trained in multitasking and your children are so accustomed to you being involved in at least two things at any given moment that you both find this awkward.  That’s OK.  The first time you use a recipe book it is awkward.  Just have a simple and complete conversation. 

When you follow this simple recipe for respect to your children, you will automatically gain respect in one aspect of your parenting. 

You will see that using respect brings joy to parenting.  It takes away the tension, fear and anxieties.  You are confident.  Your family has high self-esteem.  In a nutshell, respect will bring joy to your parenting.

Grace E. Mauzy, M.A.
Founder of GEM Parenting
www.GEMParenting.com

Grace E. Mauzy, MA works with overwhelmed, stressed parents having difficulty comfortably cope with parenting. Parents learn positive intervention utilizing strategies and tactics to develop high self-esteem in children. Grace is the founder of GEM Parenting – an online community dedicated to parenting with passion, purpose, and integrity. (GEMParenting.com) Through Grace’s professional and personal life experiences, she has a unique ability to understand and empower parents to implement new parenting styles, allowing them to challenge themselves to break free of their destructive behaviors and attitudes.  And raise their children with confidence, peace, and harmony.  To learn more about her powerful speaking, coaching, and workshops, or to receive Grace’s motivating audio course “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!” visit http://www.7deadlymistakesparentsmake.com or visit http://www.GEMParenting.com.

Motivational Monday: The Joy of Parenting

June 10, 2008 at 8:32 am | Posted in attitudes, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Self Esteem, Thoughtful Thursday, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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The first thing I want to give you is a great big Welcome to GEM Parenting.  Have you come to GEM Parenting with anxiety about your children, worries about how to discipline them, and with a heart ache because you really thought being a parent would have some joy in it? 

One of the most over looked and least understood areas of parenting is the joy.  When you find joy in parenting your anxieties and worries seem to drift away.  You are aware of how and what to do. 

Parents that I have led to their own joy of parenting have been able to introduce positive intervention, live with high self-esteem, and be free of social and media pressures to conform to.

This week is your opportunity to bring joy to your parenting.  For today I want you to pay particular attention to one single aspect of your child that you cherish.  Disregard everything else.  Do it for one whole day.  At the end of the day come back and share what happened.

EnJoy your parenting.

Here’s what’s happening this week.

Terrific Tuesday:

I will be sharing a personal experience of finding joy in my parenting.  You know I think it is great to be all learned and experienced, but if I can’t share what and how I do things you just can’t really get what I’m talking about.  So I hope you will come back and see some joy.

Wisdom Wednesday:

Wednesday, I will put on the hat of the expert. I will explain the joy of parenting from the standpoint of the problem and the solution.

Thoughtful Thursday:

 On Thursday, I am going to share with you a case study of a client I have worked with.  Not in a scientific research way, but I hope in a way that is enlightening and enjoyable to read.

Follow up Friday:

On Fridays, I have a free radio show and it is completely your questions and my answers.  There is no sermon, no didactic -That means teacher talks student listen – teaching.  Only your questions that I answer on the spot.

There are a couple of things that do happen as well, I do have surprises for the listeners.  And especially for the first call in of the day. 

If you want to be sure that your question is answered then mail it to me, Grace@GEMParenitng.com.  The first question I receive each week will get a ticket to join a live teleclass.

Also, if you are unable to attend the live show, there is a recording.  So you can still send in your question.

Saturday is Creative Crayon Club:

And of course you will be getting ideas of how to bring joy to your house and your parenting. 

It’s a busy week for you, I know.  You are a parent with worries, concerns and fears.  So, come back each day to gain a bit more peace and guidance to being one amazing parent filled with joy of parenting.

 

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