How has being captain affected my 10-year-old daughter?

December 12, 2010 at 8:21 am | Posted in Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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How has being captain affected my 10-year-old daughter?

When my daughter was first named captain she took it very seriously.  It was a real privilege and honor.  I have a saying,

“With every privilege comes responsibility” and she took the responsibility part to heart.

She spent her time at practice and especially games focused on her responsibility as captain.  She felt she needed to be on top of the other players.  Making sure they were congratulated for their well-played moments, boosted up when they made a mistake, and kept in line when they wanted to whine and complain.


That meant she was not focusing on being her own personal best. She was just a bit slower, just a bit less dynamic.  And her personal enthusiasm was thwarted.

So we talked.  I asked her-

  • Why she thought she had been picked captain?
  • Did she like what she was doing as captain?
  • Were there things she liked about being captain?
  • Were there things she could improve on as captain?

Her answers were great.

I was picked captain because I am totally enthusiastic and completely involved with every game from the moment in the locker room, long before going on ice, till we’re changed up and leaving the locker room.  I really listen to the coaches; follow through with what they wanted me to do.  I’m always one of the first to high-five and head smash any other player who does anything good.  I’m really good at getting the kids who goof off or whine back on track.  So that’s why they picked me for captain.”

The next question was not quite as neatly answered.

“Well its complicated.  I don’t really want to talk about it.”

This was an easy lead into the next question- “Were there things she liked about being captain?”

“Well I really liked being captain stuff before I was really captain.  But now I have this sort of job.  I feel like I am losing my game.  And I don’t really know why.”

Rather than jump right into what I though she could do to improve I asked her, “Were there things she could improve on as captain?”

“Well, I guess.  I think if I go back to focusing on me being my personal best then I will be back to being what they (the coaches) chose me for captain in the first place.  And I think going up to the refs and shaking their hands puts me off.  Actually I kind of think when I do my own personal best I really enthuse everyone with my totally in the game spirit.  I guess what I really should do is be myself and that will take care of being the captain.”

This was on the way to yesterday’s game.  When she got to the locker room she was just a bit silly, just enough to be energized.  She took to the ice with total focus.  Her warm-ups were done with precision.  And the game was one heck of a game!  They lost, but they went to the game prepared to play the hardest team and get slaughtered.  Instead they held court the first period with no scoring on either side.

Second period had scoring on both sides- a tie!

The other team pulled it off in the last two minutes to win 5-3.

On our ride home my daughter was completely pleased with how the game went, with her being captain.  And ready for today’s game.

Here’s my tidbit of advice- ASK questions.  Let them come up with answers.  If they grunt, say one or two words ask you’re your question differently.

The point is for your daughter to get to know herself.  What she does well, what she can improve on.  What is above her for the time being.  This brings her to have high self-esteem.

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