Wisdom Wednesday: What is Natural Self-Esteem?

June 4, 2008 at 2:08 am | Posted in attitudes, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, GEM Parenting Secrets | 1 Comment
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www.GEMParenting.com

What is Natural Self-Esteem?

I am a busy mother filled with all the daily tasks that seem to overwhelm us and have more things in a day than can be done.  I could be constantly question myself about my parenting.  But instead, I have a rather calm, well-managed life that is so busy no one can keep up.  How in the world can I have life that is so contradictory?  Simple – my family and I have natural high self-esteem.  And you can have this too.

In the dark ages of my life- from BC, you know “before children” – to AD, that means “all done” having children- there was a time when I was a psychotherapist.  And I had a specialty-high self-esteem. 

When you have low self-esteem your entire life is affected.  Life just does not work out the way you want it to.  You are continually trying to improve your life.  You are never satisfied and you know that you are not measuring up to others.  You need constant reinforcement.  Life is a task to get through and others have it but you don’t.

The “it” others have is natural high self-esteem.  Now I am not saying that you personally have low self-esteem; I am saying that our media has made low self-esteem a rampant part of our culture. 

Rather than go on with my angst about low self-esteem I want to get to a solution.  I want to get away from developing low self-esteem in our children to allowing and encouraging them to live a life of fulfillment and confidence.

I have been teaching these fundamental principles of parenting with natural high self-esteem. I call these principles the 5 GEMs of parenting with natural high self-esteem. They are:

1.     Process vs. Product

2.     Respect vs. Assumed Authority

3.     Positive Intervention vs. Discipline

4.     Love of Right Now vs. Love of What Might Be

5.     Strong Morals and Values vs. Going with the Flow

All of these 5 GEMs are about communicating the value of your parenting in such a way that your children actually understand what natural high self-esteem is and how to keep it.

Parents who have joined the teleclasses and programs, listened to the podcasts, or have been private clients with GEM Parenting (that’s the company I have started) have had wonderful changes in their lives and their children’s lives.

Stress reduces for both you, the parent, and your child. Choices diminish.  Communication between you and your child improves.  Your child feels strong and confident.  Peer pressure has little power.  The media cannot induce your child to feel inadequate.  You and your child learn time management.  Manipulation comes to a halt. And “attitude” is stopped in its tracks.

Find out what natural high self-esteem is and how to infuse it into the lives of your children.

 
Grace E. Mauzy, M.A.
Founder of GEM Parenting
www.GEMParenting.com

Grace E. Mauzy, MA works with overwhelmed, stressed parents having difficulty comfortably cope with parenting. Parents learn positive intervention utilizing strategies and tactics to develop high self-esteem in children. Grace is the founder of GEM Parenting – an online community dedicated to parenting with passion, purpose, and integrity. (GEMParenting.com) Through Grace’s professional and personal life experiences, she has a unique ability to understand and empower parents to implement new parenting styles, allowing them to challenge themselves to break free of their destructive behaviors and attitudes.  And raise their children with confidence, peace, and harmony.  To learn more about her powerful speaking, coaching, and workshops, or to receive Grace’s motivating audio course “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!” visit http://www.7deadlymistakesparentsmake.com or visit http://www.GEMParenting.com.

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Saturday – Creative Crayon Club

April 18, 2008 at 11:55 pm | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, toddlers, Tweens | 1 Comment
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Huge flowers

 

What you need:

  • Large cheap white paper plates
  • Crayons, markers, colored pencils
  • Tacky glue, stapler, tape
  • Dowel about two feet long or a straight stick from outside

 What you do:

  • Cut the ridges off a plate to make a flat disk
  • Cut petal shapes from other plates (You need to have one end pointed and the other wider, like a leaf)
  • Color petals and disk
  • Attach the petals to the disk (You can tape, staple, or tacky glue them).  It is best to have the disk in front.  If you have a rod you can color it green
  • Attach the flower to the rod
Again with any method you choose.  For a twist find a stick outside to use.  If you want, make leaves from the plates and attach them to the dowel.

Now you have a giant flower!

 Sugar Cookie Flowers

 What you need:

  • Sugar cookie dough.  Either store bought or homemade
  • Cookie sticks (sold at craft stores)
  • White frosting
  • Small bowls
  • Food coloring
  • Helpful to have: Plastic placemats

What you do:

  • Put plastic placemats down to help with clean up
  • Roll cookie dough out
  • Either use flower shaped cookie cutter or a large glass and cut scalloped edges
  • Bake according to directions
  • When cool, decorate with frosting.  Put frosting in bowls, mix in food coloring-using separate utensils for each color
  • Decorate the cookies

 Enjoy on any spring day!         

  

Focused Friday – Q&A on Siblings Without Rivalry

April 18, 2008 at 6:35 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Question:  I have two young daughters.  They go back and forth between loving and hating each other.  When they love each other they play very nicely, but when they hate each other they can actually start hitting and punching each other.  Why do they do this and how do I stop it?

Answer:  There are times when young children are unable to express their feelings with words.  This is when they start to use physical actions to express their anger – they also use physical expression when they in good moods as well, for instance kissing and hugging.  When your children are kicking and hitting each other the first thing you do is separate them.  Put them in different rooms if possible. 

Try to say very little.  And be very careful to not label them.  At this point you have no idea how the argument started, who taunted who, has it been building or a whole slew of other questions.

And even if you do know the answer, still don’t label. 

What I want you to say is, “When you are ready to interact with others, you are welcome back.  I want you to stay here till you are calm.  Then you and your sibling will find another solution to this.”  Then you walk away.

As for the solution, while they are separated get a few supplies- paper and colored pencils, costumes, or puppets.  When they are settled and calm, have them use the supplies to come up with the solution, or to redo the incident.  It is important that each child have the opportunity to show what they thought was happenng. And it is just as important for the other child to hear and see it.  When the “BUT that’s not what really happened!” is whined/shouted out, respond with, “This is child’s (-actually say the name-) turn to share what happened.  You will have a turn in a minute.  And I will be just as interested in what you thought happened.”

Through all this procedure, it is extremely important for you to understand that as your children mature they need to express their displeasure.  Guide them to more acceptable ways of expressing themselves.  Never tell them they are bad for the feelings.

Question:  I understand that you home school your kids.  I do too.  I just started recently.  When they are home with you all day long how can you stop them from squabbling?

Answer:  When kids are new to home schooling they are often surprised by all the decision-making they now make.  At school there is limited free time and limited access to what to play with.  At home there is everything and more time to do these things.  Sometimes they need guidance about what to play and other times they need time separated from each other.  This separation does not have to be in the form of punishment.  It is positive intervention.  “It is now time for you (-actually say the name-) to play upstairs, while you (-actually say the name-) play downstairs.  And don’t worry we can switch if we need to.”

Have faith in yourself and in your kids.  Home schooling has wonderful rewards and as with everything has some tough obstacles. 

Question:  My husband thinks that when the kids are fighting it is good for them.  He thinks we should just sit back and let them at each other.  I want to have a house with peace, not fighting.  Is there anyway that I can stop them with out my husband’s support?

Answer:  Yes, you can stop the fighting without your husbands support.  When you kids are fighting tell them that you know they have a problem.  You respect their need to express themselves.  Now you would like them to learn a few different ways of expressing themselves, which does not actually involve fighting.  Be firm about this.  Tell them they have reached the point that plain fighting is just not working.  It is time to try other ways of solving problems. 

Now insist that they use another method to express themselves.  You can suggest drawing, acting, puppet shows.   If they are older and scoff at this, just say,  “I understand this is new and different, but you need to learn to behave in a way that your anger is heard, but does not lead to hurting others.”

                                          

In all these cases, and any case of sibling rivalry, it is often the child who seems to be acting out the most that is the most hurting or angry.  Look to each of your children knowing that inside is their special GEM.  Keep that thought foremost in your mind.  Through it all you will love them and build their self-esteem to be wonderful and strong.

Enjoy your weekend and don’t forget the Creative Crayon Club tomorrow!

Thoughtful Thursday: Siblings Without Rivalry

April 17, 2008 at 7:58 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Just in case you missed it yesterday…

You can listen to Grace’s podcast from yesterday.

For only $5.99 you can upload Grace’s podcast and find out the best ways to reduce sibling rivalry and the stress that comes with sibling rivalry and gain the freedom for your children to grow and develop the beautiful Gem that is within each of them.

Join GEM Parenting Teleseminar

 

 

Free Advice
Get our FREE audio course filled with practical advice: 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats!  Learn more

Enjoy your day!

 

Creative Crayon Club: Christmas Crafts

December 8, 2007 at 11:59 pm | Posted in children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Holidays, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Welcome to the Creative Crayon Club!

There are three wonderful Christmas craft ideas here to give you some much needed time with your family and relieve the stress of Christmas!  Enjoy.

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Hanger and Christmas Cloth Wreath

You need:

  • Wire coat hanger
  • Yard of Christmas cloth
  • Bag to keep cloth strips in
  • Scissors

To do:
Tear the cloth in strips about 2 inches wide.  This is great fun for little hands.  You can start the tears and then you child can rip the rest.  Or you can each pull from different sides.

  • Save one strip to be long.
  • Cut or tear the strips to be about 4 inches long. 
  • Put them in the bag right now.
  • Bend the coat hanger into a circle.
  • Take the long strip and cover the hook.
  • You may need to do this with little ones. 
  • To secure hold the strip over the end of the hook. 
  • Wrap the strip around the end and work back to the circle part of the hanger.
  • To secure the other end tie small strips over this end.
  • Tie each small cloth strip around the coat hanger
  • Do this until there is no space left to tie strips.

You can do this just about anywhere.  If you are going to do this out and about use a cloth bag so the hanger won’t split the plastic or paper.

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Hand Print Christmas Tree

You need:

  • Poster Board
  • Green paint
  • Red Paint
  • Large paint brush
  • Christmas Stickers and star stickers
  • Paper towels
  • Newspaper

To do:

  • Have poster board flat on paper towels where it can stay for a few hours.
  • Paint your child’s hands.
  • Place the painted hands to make prints.
  • Start at the top with one print and work down making it wider with each row.  You know the shape of a Christmas tree

Use the red paint to write Merry Christmas

Use the paper towels to dry hands before leaving work area.

Let tree dry completely
Add stickers for tree decorations and presents under the tree.

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Clove Orange and Apple

You need:

  • One naval orange or Macintosh apple
  • Several bottles of whole cloves
  • Yard of Christmas ribbon

To do:

  • Cut ribbon in half
  • Tie two pieces together in middle
  • Tie ribbon around orange/apple so it has not at bottom and not at top with loose ends to hang it with.
  • Push cloves in the arrange/apple
  • Keep them slightly apart. 
  • As the orange/apple dries out it will shrink

Hang –it will smell wonderful!

If you have a favorite Christmas activity that you do with your children and family, then please share with us!

For more information about how to use holidays to boost natural self-esteem or to learn about natural self-esteem go to feel free to contact Grace E. Mauzy at grace@gemparenting.com.

Crayon Color Club: Advent Calendars for Gifts!

December 1, 2007 at 4:06 am | Posted in Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Holidays, moms, Mothers, relationships, Self Esteem, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Two Advent Calendars to start your Christmas season.  Here is a printable copy of this activity:  Advent Calendars!

1.  Advent calendars.  I have two fun ides.  The first is great if you have some candy around (especially old Halloween candy)

  • You need two pieces of heavy paper, green markers or crayons, 24 candies for each child, tape or glue gun
  • Cut the papers in the shape of a Christmas tree
  • Color one green.
  • On the green paper cut 24 window flaps.  ONLY CUT THREE SIDES. 
  • Number each window with 1-24. So it shows on the green side
  • Now place this over the other paper.
  • Mark where the windows are with light pencil on the plain tree. 
  • Glue or tape the candies on each marked place on the plain tree. 
  • Place the green tree over the plain tree.
  • Tape the edges of the two papers together.

There you have your own advent calendar.  (You open each window everyday before Christmas ending on Dec 24.)

If you want to get a bit fancier you can add some lines of the story of Christmas to this.

  • Before you start the trees with your kids write or copy a short story of Jesus’ birth with each line separate from each other.  You can only have twenty-four lines. 
  • Number the lines in order. Cut these out and fold them up. 
  • Tape them to the candies. 
  • Proceed with the directions above. When you open each window you have the story. 
  • Have another piece of paper to tape these lines to so you can soave the sory and read the whole thing Christmas eve.

One more idea you can have these lines NOT in order and have your children put them in order as they get a new one each day. 

If you have more than one child you can have the story lines be in multiples of 24.  And spread the story between your children.  Have a large piece of paper where you can tape the story lines as you go.  If the lines are not in order you may want to keep them in an envelope to put together on Christmas Eve

2.  The other Advent Calendar is a paper chain.  It is simple to make and especially helps younger children to understand how long it is till Christmas comes.  The simplest way is to have red and green paper.  Cut these into 24 strips total.  Make a chain using tape or glue sticks.  Each day tear off a loop of the chain.

For older children they can add decorations to the chain.

For a more elaborate idea write the title of a Christmas song on each loop and when you remove the loop sing the song.  This is really FUN.  You can repeat the songs if you don’t know 24.  And if you have more than one child you can put the same songs on all the loops.  This makes for some fun Christmas caroling.

For more information about how to use holidays to boost natural self-esteem or to learn about natural self-esteem go to feel free to contact Grace E. Mauzy at grace@gemparenting.com.

Focused Fridays: Sister Competition

November 30, 2007 at 11:23 pm | Posted in dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Holidays, moms, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Focused Friday Question:

I understand that Christmas is supposed to be about joy and Jesus and all that, but I really have a hard time getting past the present giving stuff.  I have two kids and my sister has two kids.  They are all about the same age.  She goes out and gets all kinds of fantastic things.  And lots of them.  There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that except that she makes sure we count how many presents we are giving to each of our children and how much we spend.  If I get less or spend less then she makes comments like, “I guess you just don’t really care about my kids since you are getting less for them than I am for yours.”  I would like to get her kids presents that I think are special for them.  I don’t want to be in this seeming contest.  But I don’t know how to get out.  This is my Christmas Crunch– Keeping up with my sister.

GEM Parenting Answer: 

Thanks so much for this question.  For many there is some under lying need to be sure that gift giving is reciprocated equally.  This means, “I get as much as I give.”  And that defeats a basic concept of high self-esteem.  To help you with your situation of the gift giving competition I have three suggestions.  But first I want to let you know about my sister.  She is the most generous person I know.  I am blessed with her.  For every present I give her family she probably gives my family four or ten.  No joke!  But the difference between my sister and yours is that my sister has never made me feel like we are in a competition.  And I want to let you know how you can get out of the competition and enjoy your sister’s generosity.

  • The first thing to do is to change your own mindset.  If you think of this as a competition it will be.  It is that simple.  If instead you decide to think of your sister differently, the competition will end.  Your sister cannot compete with you if you do not compete with her.
  • The second thing I want you to do is also a mindset change, but with some action added.  Each time your sister gives you the guilt trip about not being as good as she is change that around.  First, in your thoughts, decide that your sister is generous.  As you receive gifts for your family imagine she has done it for the love that she has for your children.  Then tell her how wonderful she is and you are always blown away by her generosity. 
  • The third thing is to allow yourself to be yourself.  I know this sounds funny, but for your own self-esteem I want you to give yourself the gift you deserve and want.  Choose the presents for your sister’s children with all the care and selectivity you want.  Be thrilled that you can give them what you do.  And every time your sister starts in with a competition you are now ready with three ways to step out of the way. 

When you change your mindset and actions to display gratitude for the gifts and appreciation of your sister you raise your own self-esteem.  You no longer need to worry about how you compare to others.  You are just fine as you are.  Not only do help yourself but also you help your children understand that gift giving and receiving is a process. And to give and receive with pleasure is the best way.

Now have fun getting the presents you want to get.  Enjoy the generosity of your sister.  And have a wonderful holiday.

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