Great Weekend Celebrating 80 years-

November 10, 2008 at 11:04 am | Posted in dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Happy Motivational Monday,

 

It’s been one terrific week for me.  The first thing I want to do is thank everyone who sent a birthday wish to my mother.  She was so honored by your responses.

 

Second I want to share what a week it has been. 

 

On Monday my 16 yo started her winter training.  This means she had to be in a number of places over the course of the day, but we were never quite sure where and when.

And the regular stuff of schooling my other girls, my work, and dance and hockey in the afternoon.

 

Tuesday brought on all of the Monday stuff and the addition of my eldest flying in from CA.  The airport is a 3+hr roundtrip.  Of course there was the election and results, which we all stayed up till 1 am to watch.

 

On Wednesday we had all that I have said going on + my eldest applying for jobs in NH.  (Which means she is serious about coming home to live.)

 

And during all this time I was making costumes for the relatives who were not so creative or handy or had enough time.  (That was the big laugh because I certainly don’t ever have time).  And getting messages from my sister about what we still needed to do for the party once we got to Plymouth, Mass.

 

Then came Thursday- First thing we (all of us) were off to the physical therapist to be sure my back would be OK for the weekend.  And as we went the car decided to go no faster than 45 mph.  I knew the car was a bit off.  I have gone 160,000 in it.  So after physical therapy we took it to the shop.  And had to find a ride home- 10 miles. 

 

In the afternoon it was confirmed the transmission was blown.  So added to everything was renting a vehicle. 

 

We rented a pick up.  My eldest was offered 4 positions in her field.  Everyone got to their programs and training.  My 16 yo got packed for her training out west.  Just the costumes didn’t get done.  And I was WAY over stressed.

 

Friday I worked on the costumes, while my 12 yo organized and packed the truck- we not only had our party stuff, weekend stuff, but both my eldest daughter’s traveling stuff, and we had my mother’s 80 years worth of pictures.  The pictures of course got to be in the cab.  But it was just ready to rain.  So the stress didn’t slide off as we went south.  After 2 hrs the rain came.  Not too bad, but enough to have to stop and get the 2 backpacks in the cab.  Now everyone but me had their knees in their ears to travel.  But we only had one more hr to go.

 

And when we got there everything was wonderful.  We had the pre-party at the hotel, where we all ate, took pictures of costumes, and talked, talked, talked. 

 

The real party was at the Plimouth Plantation itself.  My family went a little early.  We got the pictures set up; the tables decorated, and were ready when everyone arrived. 

 

After the dinner we had the skits and songs.  Lots of laughter, lots of memories, and lots of love.

 

And my mother blew out ALL 80 candles in one breath!  Yes she is very strong.

 

Saturday we toured the plantation, had lunch together and went on board the Mayflower II.  After all that I had to take my 16 yo to Boston airport to go out west for training.  I got back in time to join my mother, her 2 daughters (me being one of them), her 2 son-in-laws and all her five grandchildren went out to eat- just her immediate family. 

 

After dinner the 2 eldest grandchildren and my sister and brother-in-law went out dancing, while the rest of us went back to the hotel.

 

Sunday I had to take my eldest to the airport, and I drove back to NH with my two youngest.  Guess what?  I went to sleep just as soon as we got home. 

 

This morning I am thrilled to be able to remind you that you are just as amazing as my mother is.  You see, in her 80 years everything was not all roses.  She had so many downs you might think that she would have lost heart.  But she knew better.  Each time she fell off her horse, she jumped on another one.  She learned each time how to ride just a bit better, how to let go when necessary, but how to hold on to what was necessary.  Her life was a prime candidate for depression, remorse, whining, and complaining.  Boy, could she have been “the victim.”   She made the choice every time. 

 

So if you are off your horse today, out of sorts, not quite in gear, go get another horse.  Walk a while if you need to.  Keep your head up and love each of your children.  Someday they will be grown up and on their own.  

 

Choose this day so when you are 80, you and your family will rejoice and celebrate.

 

Take your time to parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity today,

 

Grace

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Went to see Olympic Gymnastic Tour Last Night

October 30, 2008 at 8:32 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Last night my family went to see the Olympic Gymnast tour.  It was fantastic.  Those kids were out there having a ball.  The spectators worshiped them.  And those athletes gave us such a show.  They were able to decide and accomplish a goal within only their childhoods.   Why is that?

 

Did they just have such amazing talent that they were able to think and believe and therefore be in the Olympics?  Of course not.   I do believe in prayer and the law of attraction.  But in either case you MUST open the door and walk through. 

 

That’s what those kids and their parents and their coaches did.  They did not simply think about a dream.  They put it in action.  And it was done as a group program.  The athletes alone did not do it.  We all know that their parents were totally committed to the dream.  And these athletes had coaches.  The coaches worked with their athletes on so many levels.  Of course they worked on the actual physical performance of their athletes, but they added in nutrition, emotional and psychological aspects, developmental stages, and a sundry of other aspects of taking a child and helping them become and amazing athlete.

 

And these kids knew instinctively that they had to have coaches.  The coaches would sometimes give them grueling workouts, other times hug them after the fall, and of course celebrate the joys of success.  Having coaches was a natural part of the program.

As a matter of fact without coaches there wouldn’t be a program and there wouldn’t be action of a dream.

 

Think about your dream as a parent.  Put it in action today. 

 

************************************************************************

 

Next Monday Donna L. Johnson and I will be hosting

Your Dreams and Dumps

A teleseminar on getting out your woes of parenting and being a woman,

Yet having the intention of living your dreams.

 

This is a program set up for you at no cost.

Just a phone call away.

 

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Halloween is tomorrow

 

Get into the fun with your kids.  If you trick or treat get on a costume, your kids will always love it.  It is silly, fun and on their level.

 

If you do not trick or treat be mindful that your children will feel left out.  Give them something special to do.  Use the time for togetherness with your family.  Be sure to explain your family values and morals as to why you don’t trick or treat in terms of the good to your family, not the wrong of others.

 

As for my family, we will be out and about trick or treating.

It is one of our favorite things to do.

 

Put your dream in action

And parent with

Passion, Purpose, and Integrity

 

Grace

Be sure to put your comments here.

I will comment back

Wake up and love this day

October 27, 2008 at 10:04 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
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Wow.  It’s motivational Monday again. I always love this day:  starting off and writing to you about how you can motivate yourself to be the best parent possible.  How you can truly parent with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

I am motivating you to find the sleeping spot in your life. Give it a twitch. Wake up and love this day.

 

This week I am going to start off with two requests.  If you read last weeks Motivational Monday message you know I urged you to take the plunge.  Start changing your parenting.  And I suggested one way was to work with me.

 

Well, I had not one plunge taker.  Which would be fine, except last week my last client graduated.  This puts me in an awkward position.  I need to have GEM Parenting grow.  Even though I would dearly love to simply give everything I have to you for free, our culture doesn’t work that way.  I have bills to pay in relation to GEM Parenting.

 

So I am asking you to do two things for me, very low budget.

 

First I want each of you to tell one friend about GEM Parenting and the Pearl memebership.

As a matter of fact if you go overboard and have five friends sign up for the Pearl membership between Oct. 27 and Nov. 2  I will have a teleclass for you and your friends at no cost, complete with action guide and article.

 

Just send them the link to GEMParenitng.com and urge them to sign up in the yellow box.

Then send me a list of whom you sent emails to.

And if you are new you can count yourself in too.

 

The second request I have will cost $6.00.  I want each of you to go the GEM Parenting store and actually purchase one podcast.  With most podcasts you get an action guide and an article written in conjunction with podcast topic.  There are currently 24 podcasts, so I am sure there is one that can boost your parenting.  And they cost as much as a Starbucks visit. 

 Just to go GEMParenting.com/store.htm

 

If you can’t afford this, either you are truly poor or you don’t really want to try and change your parenting.  

 

If you want to change but $6 is honestly beyond your budget then shoot me an email and I will work something out for you.

 

With these two steps you will be helping both yourself and GEM Parenting.  As you know I am not a sales person.  I don’t ask for much from you. You can step up to the plate now and make this change for both of us.

 

And tomorrow I will be writing about The Sleeping Foot Disorder of Parenting.

 

Now, right now, send an email to at least one friend inviting them to GEM Parenting

and if you haven’t joined yet go ahead and join.

And then go directly to the GEM store and get your podcast.

 

Thanks and know the change you make is for both you and GEM Parenting.

 

As always Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

 

Grace           

PS If you have comments about this letter I would love you to share them.

 

 

Peace and Harmony After you get Home from Vacation?

July 31, 2008 at 6:26 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Personal Message

 

I have really been taking advantage of the summer these past two weeks.  Last week I went camping with my two youngest children and one of their friends.  We had such a great time.  I had no computer or phone reception.  I had really intended on getting in the car and going to check my messages, write the newsletter, and just do a few keep in touch things.  But I got completely caught up in the camping!  It was such a wonderful way for me to let my soul rejuvenate.  Each morning I would get up and do my yoga and meditation outside.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner cooked over the fire.  Bike riding, canoeing, blueberry picking, and pretending we were living in some other century were our activities.  The week was full of peace and harmony. 

 

This week I have visited with an old friend I haven’t seen for eight (yes 8) years.  And gotten my teenager ready to head off to Chile for the month of August.  She leaves today.  And if you know anything about a teenage girl- even the best of them have WAY too much stuff.  We had to redo the packing- got everything, 4 pairs of skis, poles, boots, and winter clothes all in two ski bags. 

 

I am in a mix of excitement for her to go, sadness she will be gone so long, and actually relieved I am not going this year.  As a family we have all gone for the past five years.

 

My feature article is how to have peace and harmony even when you get home from vacation, or especially if you are unable to go on one.

 

 

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Feature article

 

Maintain Peace and Harmony After You Get Home From Vacation?

 

So often when you go away for vacation you are sure that it will refresh and rejuvenate you.  You know that this time you will come home and have peace within your family.  You will know you will keep the harmony going.  But as soon as you get back- whammo!- The squabbles repeat themselves.  The pace simply doesn’t change no matter how much you promise yourself you will slow down.  You get exhausted just in a day or two and wonder if it was even true that you went on a vacation.  You wonder if anyone really can live in peace and harmony, not be overwhelmed with the daily minutia, and be stress free.

 

Generally when you get home from vacation you believe you need to jump back into your old patterns.  And this may be partially true.  But you can make adjustments and changes.  The main reason that you can relax when on vacation is because you can actually be yourself.  In the back of your mind – sometimes right out in the open- you know you will not see any of these people again so you know you don’t need to make yourself behave in a way that is against your natural self.  This is freeing.  It is liberating and it allows you to have a great time when on vacation.  You worry less.  You are not overwhelmed.  And you know the tired you feel at the end of the day is a healthy and natural tired, not one from stress and anxiety.

 

The real problem is; what do you do to keep being yourself even when you have all these pressures and commitments when you get back?  You just can’t let go of all your responsibilities. 

 

And you are absolutely right.  But you can change one major part of yourself.  That is being yourself, even when pressured, full of time commitments, and everything is piling up again.  Each time you feel the twinge of losing that peaceful vacation feeling check out how you are stepping away from being yourself.  Are you following someone else’s way of being?  Are caught up in the social pressures to conform?  Are you too busy to allow yourself to take a moment to rejuvenate? 

 

You may not even be able to answer these when you get back into the rushed, hectic, and stress inducing lifestyle you generally live in.  But these are the main things that stop the rejuvenated and peaceful feelings you had over vacation from being a part of your daily life when you get back.

 

To keep yourself rejuvenated, to stay true to your soul, to have peace and harmony for you and your family when you get back from vacation, ask yourself, “Does it really matter what those around me think of how I do things?”  Know in your heart that the way you run your house, raise your kids, and what you eat is for the best for your family. 

 

Make the changes in your daily life to be able to live with harmony with yourself.  For the next week pick one thing each day that you do because of outside pressure and change what you do, how you think about it, and why you do it, to follow your heart. 

 

As a parent it is essential to maintain your self-esteem, your inner peace, and live in harmony with your soul.  When you do this, you will be able to parent with purpose, passion, and integrity.

 

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One of the greatest difficulties I have with GEM Parenting is letting parents know help is simple, available, and (yes) inexpensive. 

 

Here is your chance to help your friends find GEM Parenting.  For the month of August each time you have five friends sign up for the Pearl Membership you will be able to choose any of the GEM Parenting podcasts as my way of thanking you for sending your friends to GEM Parenting.

 

And if you are the person who has the most friends sign up for the Pearl membership, you get to have a one 1 ½ hour teleclass designed just for you and your friends. 

All you need to do is click this link and fill in your friends’ names.  Then you can follow up with them to be sure they actually sign up.  But even if you don’t I will keep track of who has referred who and who has signed up.

 

Good luck and thanks for spreading the joys of GEM Parenting with others.

 

Terrific Tuesday: Prom Problems and Teenage Social Gatherings

May 19, 2008 at 11:10 pm | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, teenagers, teens, Tweens, Welcome | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Presents: Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings

Set Your Calendar
Live with Grace Teleclass

Wed., May 21, 2008
8:30 p.m. E.S.T.
Length: one hour

Featuring Grace E. Mauzy, M.A., and a special Guest Expert
Educational ~ Motivating ~ Interactive

We will be discussing: How the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens are also the demons that demoralize teens and preteen – enticing them make inappropriate and negative life altering changes in social gatherings.

For only $6.00 you learn how to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self-demoralizing and self-demeaning behaviors, and toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

Join GEM Parenting Teleseminar

By registering for this teleclass, you will reserve your space on the call, receive special call-in information, and access to downloadable GEM Action Guide, Expert Article, and Grace’s Personal Article.

 

 

 

Teriffic Tuesday: Promoting Genuine Self-Esteem in Your Child

May 13, 2008 at 6:49 am | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teens, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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Promoting Genuine Self-Esteem In Your Child

 Promoting self-esteem in children is an ongoing process for parents. By adding just one word-genuine-the focus is sharpened and the process is more clearly defined. Genuine self-esteem is based on true worth and accomplishment, whereas ‘inflated’ self-esteem, the opposite, results from heaped on, baseless praise. Promoting inflated self-esteem is easy. Promoting genuine self-esteem requires a little more thought and planning. Here are three big steps parents can take to facilitate the process: Accept, Support and Respect. As the first two are closely related, we’ll discuss them together.

 ACCEPT and SUPPORT.

 Accept and support your child. As a parent, you are your child’s most important significant other. More than anyone else, you help to establish how your child feels about himself. School personnel, family, and peers have some influence on your child, but yours is the most important. So, how do you help him feel good about himself? By genuinely accepting and supporting your child for whom he is. Here’s how.

  •  DO let your child know you think he’s great. Self-esteem grows through your words and actions. Use language that will build his self-esteem: “What a great idea!” “I’m proud to be your mom/dad.” “I can depend on you.” And, be sure your actions support your message.

 Children use us as mirrors. If we think and convey to them that they are wonderful, they will think and believe that they are wonderful. If we think and tell them they are stupid, they will think and believe they are stupid. Our children internalize our words and actions.

  • DO accept your child’s inherited physical endowments. Nobody, thank goodness, is physically perfect. So encourage your child to accept his or her physical appearance. Children are acutely self-conscious about their physical selves-a girl might be embarrassed by her large nose, a boy about his pimples. Your child might even hate the very qualities you find adorable-his big ears, or her curly hair-so convey your acceptance of his or her physical endowments. You might be quite proud of your child just the way he is. But does your child know this? He needs to, even when nothing out of the ordinary is happening. Remind him every day that you support him, and show him the same through your actions.
  • DO be open and available. Are you approachable? When you are working at home, watching television, or doing housework, is your body language telling your child that you don’t want to be bothered? Or are you showing her that you will listen if she has a problem? Of course, there are times when you are doing something important or taking care of your own needs. You can’t be accessible twenty-four hours a day, and you don’t have to be a problem-solver all the time, but you do need to be someone your child can count on to talk to when the need arises. It will help her just to know you’re there, ready to listen and not judge. If a child perceives that a parent is too busy, disinterested, or annoyed to hear her, then her problems, no matter how trivial they may seem to adults, may overwhelm her.
  • DO recognize and applaud effort. Did your child bungle an art project? Miss a ground ball in a baseball game? Spill a mixing bowl while trying to make cake batter? You know that the effort he puts into the activity is far more important than the success or failure of it, but he probably doesn’t know that. So tell him! Even better than saying, “That’s okay, it’s the effort that counts,” would be to say, “I’m proud of you for trying to make a cake; most kids your age would never tackle that. And you got the ingredients just right!” or “I can see that you threw away the art project you started. I’m sorry you didn’t like it. But I’m proud that you took on such a difficult task.”
  • DO be receptive and helpful with your child’s personal problems, and seek help from professionals when appropriate. It takes only a few minutes each day to ask how your child feels and then listen attentively to what he or she says. Instead of asking general questions about school activities, for example, you could try drawing out your child to see if there are any personal problems you are unaware of. So instead of asking, “How was school today?” you might ask, “Was school better today? Yesterday you said that your teacher kept you in during recess. Did you go out today?” If the answer is yes or no, try to ask more leading questions, such as “What changed today that made things better (or worse)?” and then continue from there. Or, instead of asking, “Did you do your homework?” try asking something like “You said last week that you had a history report due. How is it coming?” If it seems that things are not going well, you may want to offer help or suggest some alternative strategies such as after-school assistance or engaging the services of a capable teenager or professional tutor.
  • DO offer opportunities to pursue individual interests. Your child can’t find areas to explore her individuality if she is not exposed to different activities. When notices for clubs or sports leagues are posted or handed out in school, encourage your child to enroll if she shows an interest. And get her presents that suit her interests. If she is interested in building, why buy her dolls? Children are often scared to try new things. By encouraging (but not forcing) them to try out new activities, we can help them discover areas in which they may express their individuality.
  • DO encourage your child to evaluate the opinions and values of others instead of submissively adopting them. It’s a sign of low self-esteem when a child accepts without question other people’s ideas and values. Encourage your child to weigh each situation instead of mindlessly going along with the decisions or opinions of others. At the same time, encourage him to seek support for his own ideas. This way, your child will learn to determine whether or not a value or opinion is of worth to him, and thereby gain power over his own decisions. This will help his self-esteem as a child, and will serve him well when he is older, when more potentially damaging ideas (such as drug use, sex, or prejudice, for example) will be presented to him.

 RESPECT

 Let’s turn to the third step, respect. Respect your child and she will learn to respect you. This old tale, “The King and His Sons,” says it well.

One rainy day, the king took a walk with his two children. He held an umbrella in each hand to cover and protect each child. A bystander approached and said, “Why are you protecting your children from the rain? You are the king! They should be protecting you.” His highness sagely replied, “If I do not show them respect, how will they learn to respect me? How will they learn to respect others? How will they learn to respect themselves?”

When children are treated with respect, they learn to respect themselves and others. So treat your child as you expect to be treated. Respect that is genuine, and not simply permissive, promotes self-esteem. It satisfies your child’s esteem needs. It makes her feel important-that you hold her in high esteem, and that you value and respect her as a person.

There are many ways you can show your child respect through your actions and words. Here are some important things to keep in mind.

  • DO NOT berate. Berating a child models negative behavior; it does not help her to learn, and it shows her total disrespect. For example, a parent who is helping a child to study for a test might make such berating comments as, “We just did this! What are you, stupid? You’re just not paying attention. Now pay attention!” By the end of the session, usually the child is crying and the parent is screaming. And the child may be heard the next day yelling at her classmate, “What are you, stupid?”
  • DO NOT be sarcastic. Sarcastic remarks are transparent ways of putting someone down, and if directed toward your child, she’ll know it. Many parents don’t realize that the processes of growth and change take time, and their own frustration causes them to resort to sarcasm. But if you show a lack of respect for your child, she will feel unworthy and less motivated to succeed.
  • DO ask your child to do grown-up tasks. There are many opportunities to do so. Asking him to do one at a critical time in his development may be a memorable gift you can give to him. At that moment, he has your respect and trust; he is someone. For example, when the need arises, ask him to answer the phone for you. Even if he forgets to write the person’s name next to the number, let him know that you appreciate his help. Next time the situation arises simply remind him to write down both the name and number. This way, he’ll learn the same lesson without feeling like a failure.
  • DO control your anger. Whether over homework or other issues, many parents become so angry with their children that they end up physically or verbally abusing them. When you get angry at your child, keep this in mind: If you respect someone, do you hit him? Do you curse at him? Do you insult him? Whenever you use physical force or verbal attacks against your child, you show a blatant disregard for his rights and teach him that this is the proper way to express anger and settle disputes. You teach him that it is okay to act on his feelings, when in fact it should be your goal to teach him to think first, and think clearly, before he acts.
  • DO be sure your child is being treated respectfully at school. Not only is it important for you to treat your child with respect; it is also important to be sure that your child is being treated respectfully at school.

As your child’s number-one advocate, be sure she is treated respectfully, both at home and at school. For the most part, teachers and other school personnel are wonderful, hard-working people who care about education and children. But sometimes they too need to be informed. If you see that your child is not being treated with the respect she deserves, call her teacher. Chances are he or she is unaware of your child’s problem and will appreciate your call.

  • DO respect one another. Within a family, parents and children need to strive to develop a mutual respect, which in time extends beyond the family. This is an ongoing process which involves parental role modeling (and usually an endless supply of parental patience and self-control).

Respect is often tested when children slip-up. How parents deal with these slip-ups delivers long lasting messages. Better than flying off the handle on the one hand, or merely shrugging the incidents off on the other, is for parents to deal with each situation, and those involved, in a respectful manner. This involves looking into the causes behind each situation, exploring options, and discussing alternative actions the child could have taken-in other words, maintaining respect. Therefore, when your child experiences some trouble in school, before you begin yelling or punishing, think about what you want to teach her.

In conclusion, in that you as a parent are your child’s most important significant other, you more than anyone else help to establish how your child feels about himself. If you genuinely accept, support and respect your child, and show it through your words and actions, then you are sowing the seeds of genuine self-esteem.

Copyright © 2008 Linda Silbert, Ph.D., and Alvin J. Silbert, Ed.D., all rights reserved.

Why Bad Grades Happen to Good Kids (Beaufort Books, NY, August 2007) came out to rave reviews by parents, teachers, physicians, and other professionals. The book introduces the “groundbreaking” STRONG method, a proven approach that empowers parents and teachers to help struggling students. By focusing on the six areas of the acronym STRONG — Self-esteem, Trust, Responsibility, Options, Needs, Goals — the reader learns how to identify the actual causes of a myriad of school problems and learn proven techniques to resolve them. This little book will surely make school days and home nights “a whole lot better.” The Silberts are founders/directors of STRONG Learning Centers® in New York. They’ve written over 40 books and 20 phonics games for children of all ages. To learn more about their STRONG method and their books and learning centers, visit their web site at www.oureducationalbooks.com. To subscribe to their free e-zine, send a blank email to: subscribe@stronglearning.com

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