You Scream, They Scream, We all Scream for Not Ice Cream

October 14, 2008 at 12:37 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, Terrific Tuesday | Leave a comment
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Hi its Terrific Tuesday.  Get a handle on how to get a bit of love back into your parenting.

Your problem is you know that you are supposed to love your children.  And now you have Grace pointing out that you may in your heart love them, but you know you are not loving them in action.  You are hating them, or mothering, or just plain life.  

Today take a five minute break from your hating.  Get a picture you love of your children.   One that only brings pleasure, peace, joy, and happiness to you.  It must be a strong feeling.  Just look at the picture for five minutes.  Feel the love.  Let it envelope you.  Try it on as a scarf around your neck, a shawl draping over your shoulders.  Let the love be yours for these five minutes.

When the time is up, go back to what you were doing.  And when you are hearing your children scream, when you are shouting back, block out what you are actually seeing.  Have a little hallucination of the picture you were looking at.  This will give you just a speck of time to regroup and try to talk with a bit of love in your feelings.

When you talk with love this does not mean giving in.  You can be very firm with love.  You can be understanding.  Yet you are the parent and can love your children to good behavior.  

When they are demanding, bratty, spoiled, unruly give them limits.  Speak over and over this phrase, “I understand that you don’t want to and that’s OK.”  Say it, say it, say it.  You can’t say it too much.  

Now go get your picture, lock yourself in the bathroom with it and feel the love for five minutes.  And for the rest of the day remember to say, “I understand that you don’t want to and that’s OK.”

Focused Friday: “I Said No!”

January 25, 2008 at 2:54 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, teens, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Question #1:

Whenever I try to say no to my children my husband always gets in the way and lets them do whatever they want.  So how can I be in charge and say a simple no and have them listen to me.


First you need to have a chat with your husband.  Explain to him that you are starting a new phase for yourself and the family.  You want to be sure the children are able to understand that life has choices and limits, and to have respect for each other as a family.

You do not need to talk with him about how he is disrupting your ability to say no.  You need to share with him all the advantages of your children being able to understand, respect, and handle no with ease and comfort.

Then as you begin to say no, clue your husband into this.  Let him know you are going to say no. 

And for goodness sake don’t be the only one to say no.  Choose times to let your husband say no.  Be specific:  Say. “I am going to let your father tell you no this time.”  And be sure to say this when you know your husband wants the answer to be no.

When you say no and he tries to over ride you respond with, “I know your father really loves you to be able to do what ever you want, but unfortunately I have already said no, so we will have to stick with that.”  You will create your own respect this way. 

Use “no” with a calm voice, a gentle tone and relaxed body language.


GEM Parenting Question #2:

I have one child who will always abide by my rules but the other one just won’t listen!  I have to really scream and yell to get her to understand “no”.


First you may be dealing with a sibling rivalry situation, which will be dealt with during the week of Feb. 25 to March 1.  Hope you will join us.

Second, it is important to have both your children accept that you are in charge.  But when you say “abide by my rules” I am hearing control with power rather than control with respect.  I want you to change your feeling of personal respect.

You can have your children do what you want them to do with giving them respect.  As you give more respect you will be stepping out of the ring of the  power struggle. 

Be firm.  Remember not only figuratively step out of the power struggle.  Do it for real.  Step away.  Take the deep breaths.  And remain calm.

Ready to listen to the best podcast on How to Say No to Children and Mean It?  Only $5.99 for a full hour of podcast to give tips and advice on How to Say No to Children and Mean It

FREE 8 PODCAST SERIES: “7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats!”  In this FREE Audio Parenting Series, you’ll learn the tested methods and strategies that produce the behavior your heart desires from your children.

Wednesday Wisdom: How to Say No and Really Mean It

January 24, 2008 at 10:37 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, teens, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | 2 Comments
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As a parent there is often the need to say no for an emergency.  And that comes easily enough.  But what about those regular times when you want to say no and your children just keep bugging you.  Either they just keep pleading and whining.  Or they look at you with such cute faces you feel you just have to give in.  Or they bug you so you feel the only way to say no is to yell and scream.  Only you really don’t want to give in and you don’t want to scream.  What can you do?

The first thing to remember is that you are the parent. Not just physically, but mentally as well.  This means you can expect your children to respect you.  This puts you in the attitude of having your children understand you are in charge.  It is both a simple idea and a profound concept. 

After you have adjusted your attitude to be the person in charge you can follow through with the simple “no.” A simple no is said with conviction.  It is used justly and respectfully of your children.  The idea of gaining respect from your children is as important as giving respect to them.

When your children look at you with those faces that just melt you, stay in charge.  Tell them they are so cute, but unfortunately the cute faces will not change your mind.  When they come to with a barrage of reasons they think you should change your mind respond with, ”I know you don’t understand, but the answer is still no.”  You need to keep your voice calm and even. 

When your children are bugging you to the point of exploding, first step away from them.  Collect yourself.  Take some deep yoga breaths.  When you are a calm enough go back to your kids.  Tell them, “The answer is no.  I have stopped yelling at you.  I realize that you will expect me to yell.  But I am trying my best to stop yelling at you.  I now expect you to respect this change in me and respect that the answer is no.”

With all three of these ideas you will be regaining your own self respect and through living you will teach your children how to expect respect from others and how to have self respect. 

Respect is one of the corner stones for a good foundation of high self-esteem.  When you give and take respect through the use of saying no and meaning it- without yelling at your kids– you establish an ability for your family to understand and accept the natural limitations of life without actually being limited by them.

FREE 8 PODCAST SERIES: “7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats!”  In this FREE Audio Parenting Series, you’ll learn the tested methods and strategies that produce the behavior your heart desires from your children.

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