Mom’s Job When Kid Is Named Captain

November 30, 2010 at 2:36 pm | Posted in moms, Moms of talented teens, peer pressure, Self Esteem, sports | 2 Comments
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She’s the captain of her ice hockey team at ten!  What an honor and accomplishment.  She called all her relatives as soon as she found out.

What about me, her mom?  How do I react to this?  What is my responsibility?  What do I do about her sisters?  None of them were ever captains in any sport.

Of course there’s a bit of history here.  Jilly was invited to play up for the peewee team, not based on skills but more because the team needed a few more players.  I told the coaches of both teams I would decide which team based soley on what I thought was most important for my child.   I would not, under any circumstances, put my daughter on a team just to make it happen.

Of course Jilly was all swaggery when she got the news. She was oh so cool!  She was going to play up.   But the moment I had her alone in the car the first thing I said was, “I alone will make thie decision based on what is best for you.  I’ll listen to your ideas, but you will not make the decision.  I think at ten you’re too young to figure this all out.”

Since we already have a great relationship based on trust and respect she knew I was going to do what was best for her, not what was seem by others as cool or being above others. Cause what they think just doesn’t matter!

It was clear to me that giving Jilly another year as a squirt would give her more time to get basic skills, she loved working with the coaches of squirts, and she could really use a year as being one of the best.  Even if she didn’t have all her sisters with all their accomplishments, it’s so important to have a time when you are the best.  When the others look up to you. When you can help out and be a leader.

So squirts it was.  Until I heard from Jilly that they, the kids, would be picking captains the next week.  Then my head reeled. I’d been through this too many times.  Captains at ten chosen by teammates has had more negative effect than no captains.  My personal opinion is to have captains for each week.  They lead the warm ups for practices and game, shake hands with the refs, lead the pregame cheer, and lead the hand slap at the end of the game.  It’s a learning experience for each kid.

But to be captain for the season- now that’s a true honor and responsibility.  One not to be given hastily or lightly. One that most nine and ten year olds just don’t have the capacity to truly understand.  If there are going to be captains, the coaches need to be very able to choose based on the true value of the player, with complete open minds.

I talked with the coaches.  Explained my personal concern about kids choosing their captains.  And then dropped the bomb. I told the coaches that I couldn’t let Jilly participate if the captains were chosen by the teammates.  They nodded, said, “Hmmm, hadn’t really thought about that.”  Then I never mentioned captains again to the coaches or Jilly.

This past weekend was the third weekend of games.  I could tell the moment I saw the team come out of the locker room that Jilly had been chosen captain.  She had this look of control and determination on her face. She was in charge and going to make it happen!

I was certain when she and another player went over to the refs and shook hands.  And guess what – me who opposed captains- had a SURGE of pride.  That was my little girl who was captain.  And I truly believe she deserved to be chosen captain.

So what is my responsibility?  Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be writing about?  Well my responsibility is to help Jilly understand the honor and responsibility of being chosen captain.  That being captain is partly about being a great player, but more importantly about being a leader. About the team moral and focus.  It’s about good sportsmanship, paying attention to the coaches, guiding the other kids to do their best. When the game is tough and they are loosing it’s about keeping the spirit up and still trying their hardest.

Being captain doesn’t mean to fake energy or excitement.  It doesn’t mean to suck up to the coaches.  It means to have pride, respect, and leadership.  Being a skilled player helps, but it’s not what a captain is all about.  Even Mia Hamm or Kristine Lilly weren’t the captains of the US soccer team.

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How is Food is the beginning of Thankfulness?

November 26, 2008 at 7:40 am | Posted in attitudes, Families, parents, Self Esteem, spirituality, Wonderful Wednesday | Leave a comment
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It’s Wonderful Wednesday.  And this is such a special day because, as you know, it is the day before Thanksgiving.

 

I have been having you focus on one thing to be thankful for this week.  To really get involved with why that particular thing is worth being thankful for.  How this thing is connected to your whole life.  Not just fulfilling the basic need you have been taught to think about, but how this thing is a true part of your ability to live with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

Mine has been food.  Of course food is necessary to live.  No one can live without food forever. Even Mahatma Gandhi had to eat after three weeks.  But we in our lives are not suffering from horrible cultural norms, devastating political outbursts, or even true financial disasters, and although there are natural disasters, we have a very strong support system to help our citizens get back on their feet.

 

So how is food connected to more than my ability to stay alive?  How does food connect to every aspect of my life?  Food is a huge process.  It is a daily task.  Food is a way for my family and friends to be together.  I still have at least two meals a day together as a family.  At the time of preparation there is usually one child who is miserable about something.  That child comes to me in the kitchen and whines, complains, shouts, cries, or stands around with the silent treatment.  The kicking has pretty much stopped.

 

And while I prepare the meal, I can help that child learn and understand how to cope with such atrocities as a sister taking back her favorite shirt, being pushed over out of spite, or just being grumpy for no reason.  I am sure that without meal prep I would still have children who needed support and guidance, but it is during meal prep that some of my most nurturing moments occur.

 

The meals themselves are filled with conversations.  You can imagine with the age spread of aged 8 to 16 at home full time, and having guests regularly. Over the 24 years I have been a parent those conversations have changed, mutated, and developed.  Some themes continue, others come and go.  Many of my fondest memories are when we have been eating.  Memories are a vital part of my spiritual well-being.  When I am stressed, down, overwhelmed I can find a memory to bring me back into perspective. 

 

And there is the clean up time.  This is the never-ending scourge of my life.  There are always dirty dishes, counters, tabletops… I can go about the clean up process with anger and bitterness that I am still stuck with doing it or must nag and constantly remind my kids to do their part.  But I can get past that.  I can see that all this mess is a product of abundance.  And this abundance is not just the quantity of food and dishes we have, but the abundance of living we have.  My family does everything with real gusto.  It comes from our souls and spirits., and the food mess is daily evidence of this.

 

The process of getting Thanksgiving dinner on our table began on Monday.  We made our menu. Yesterday we went shopping.  Today we do prep for many dishes and help my mom with her pies. (She will make four from scratch- crust and all and her 80th b-day is tomorrow.)

 

Now you really know how I have taken food and looked to its roots as to why I am thankful for it.  It is not only my nourishment for my body; it is the nourishment for my values and morals.  Food is more than a simple grab it and eat it thing for me.  It is a process that brings my most sacred and special feelings and emotions out in the open. 

 

Being thankful, living with true integrity to your values and morals is a process.  It cannot be done in one quick instance.  It takes your heart and soul, your actions, and your mind set.

If you haven’t set this process in motion, start now.  Let yourself grow with your thankfulness.  Be the most thankful person you can be, but start with only one thing to be thankful for.

Be thankful with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

Grace

Concentrate on the Small Wonders

November 12, 2008 at 7:43 am | Posted in dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
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Good Morning. It is Wonderful Wednesday. That means you get to MAKE it full of wonder. Concentrate on the small wonders, appreciate them

 

These small wonders may be your children, or they may be your toes.  You know without your toes it is much harder to walk and balance? Of course it can be done.  You can get on without much.

 

Check this video out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I0DRk8dFjI

 

I had tears.

I had inspiration.

I am humbled.

 

Have a wonderful day and

Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

 

Grace

Costumes at 80

November 6, 2008 at 7:09 am | Posted in Families, Self Esteem | 5 Comments
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Tomorrow we celebrate my mother’s 80th birthday.  We are going to Plymouth Plantation in Mass.  And we are going to wear period costumes.  So here’s the thing.  She is turning 80.  She can still decide to have fun, be creative, and step out of the norm.

When she first sent out the invitations there were plenty of people who had negative reactions.  Not to the party of course, but the abnormality of wearing costumes and even to going to Plymouth Plantation.  (Most people can drive there and those that have to fly would have to fly to where ever the party was.  And my mother’s house is not big enough to hold many people, so they would still have to stay in a hotel.)

My mom just kept telling everyone more or less the same thing.  “This is my 80th birthday party.  I plan to have lots of fun.  I hope you will as well.”  

This simple phrase allowed her to tell every one that she was comfortable with her plan; that she did not need their approval to go forward with her plan.  And as you can imagine everyone who is able to come is coming, in costume, and very excited about getting together. 

The point is, be confident with your ideas, your interests, your passions.  Even if you get disapproval from others, stay true to yourself.  The only way you can have high self-esteem is to be comfortable with your self.  Don’t rely on others opinions of you mold you.

And here comes a huge problem for parents.  You must by default mold your children’s behaviors.  You cannot just let them run wild.  So how do you mold your children and keep them having a high self-esteem?  The most important defense against destryong your children’s self esteem is positive intervention.

Positive intervention is staying true to your morals and values.  Look at how a situation may develop. Have some ways of averting situations.  Tell your children that you are helping them to understand the best paths for them.

As you go through the process of raising your children, believe that you and they are a gift of life.  Know this in your heart.  Hold it true.

And parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity

Grace

Results will Change Your Self-Esteem and Parenting

November 5, 2008 at 8:26 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
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This is Wonderful Wednesday, and for the Obama followers and me it is.  As you know I have kept quiet about my personal opinion about the election.  But now it is over and I am thrilled.

 

One thing I am excited about is change.  As a nation we are slow to try new things, new ideas.  But we were fed up with the old and ready to try on the new.

 

Another thing I am thrilled about is that our president elect has the ability to communicate enthusiasm.  We need to step out as a nation from our apathetic approach to light ourselves on fire again.  Our forefathers set up our constitution and our nation to be one of action, pride, and self-respect.

 

You see in blogging, coaching, even old stand-by’s like newspapers, people are ready and invigorated to change from the laissez faire attitude that has become so pervasive over the past ten years.

 

We are ready to step out and dance.  Try on new shoes and think new thoughts.

 

We are an amazing nation and it is time to restock ourselves.

 

And what does this have to do with parenting?  Everything.  By having new energy as a nation we can revamp how we do things not only as a nation, but as individuals.  We can find new paths, travel new journeys.  We can feel good about ourselves again.

 

When the nation gets in a slump so do the individuals.  Parents struggle to stay afloat both emotionally and financially, but with the new energy you can sop it up.  Use it for yourself.  Redefine how you parent, what your morals and values are.  You can change, add or delete goals.

 

This is your time as a nation and your time as an individual to rebuild. I have been saying for ten years that the self-esteem of our nation has been collapsing.  This means you as individuals have been suffering.  With this new change, new energy, we as a nation have stated loud and clear we are ready to pull ourselves up from the bootstraps. 

 

You can and will have a better ability to live and parent.  It might come from changes in government, but more than likely it will come from the change in energy that spread over us last night. 

 

I celebrate our national changes and I celebrate each and every single individual change that occurred to make the national change.  Now take that energy and live with it everyday.  Use this energy to change yourself, your parenting, and touch the world.

 

And of course

Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity

Grace

PS: As always any comments are welcome.  Just hit the word comment on the top where the other tags are.

Three confusions about Halloween

October 31, 2008 at 9:41 am | Posted in dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Happy Halloween

 

There are three topics that get confused with Halloween. 

 

  1. Candy consumption and weight gain
  2. Safety
  3. The purpose of Halloween right now

 

When you head out tonight if you start with the understanding that Halloween is for getting candy, eating it, and starting on the annual weight gain problem you are going to do just that. 

 

If you head out tonight thinking that there are lurking dangers around each corner, again you will find some kind of danger.

 

And if you think that Halloween has any connection to very past beliefs of satanic forces and ideas being spread you will find these.

 

Rather than heading out with all these fear-routed issues, look to the positive.  This is a great place to begin your new thought pattern.  Finding you new zone as a parent takes time and skill.  So start with something that is not your biggest issue.  Try out what you are learning here at GEM Parenting and elsewhere on smaller issues at first.

 

Just as when your children have started to walk they have prep activities.  Nothing that we actually do with them, but they crawl, slide, or scuttle for a while.  They attempt new things, standing for instance.  Then they try the first few steps.  Holding on usually.  You know how it goes.  And of course they fall.  But that never stops them.

 

As with your new parenting patterns and practices you need to step out slowly, try little things at first and know you will fall.  But keep trying.  Keep reading these entries and any others that help you along the way.

 

Now back to tonight-

 

With candy consumption and weight gain, leave on a full stomach of a healthy meal.  Then eat a candy, you included, in 20 minutes.  Again in 20 minutes, then have a snack of healthy stuff- cut up apples, PB&J sandwich quarters.  Then back to the candy in 20 minutes routine.  Tell your kids you want to see how much they get and if they eat it all while out then they can’t see.

 

Another thing we do is give a bunch of candy to the children’s ward of the hospital for the kids who couldn’t go out.  This helps with not eating as much.

 

Of course you need to think in terns of safety.  But if you think in terms of fear, that is what you will be fearful.  And you will teach this to your kids.  Teach safety, not fear.  This goes a long with teaching about self-esteem and contentment.

And if you are concerned with satanic issues and Halloween, then I suggest you look elsewhere.  Halloween has changed in the past few hundred years.  It is time for delight, joy and creativity.  Children are encouraged and allowed to be something unique and special.  These are corner stones to high self-esteem.

 

With this I am getting ready to curl my daughter’s hair and put on some goofy costume to begin the Halloween activities. 

 

Have a Happy Halloween and

Parent with Passion, Purpose and Integrity,

 

Grace

Went to see Olympic Gymnastic Tour Last Night

October 30, 2008 at 8:32 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Last night my family went to see the Olympic Gymnast tour.  It was fantastic.  Those kids were out there having a ball.  The spectators worshiped them.  And those athletes gave us such a show.  They were able to decide and accomplish a goal within only their childhoods.   Why is that?

 

Did they just have such amazing talent that they were able to think and believe and therefore be in the Olympics?  Of course not.   I do believe in prayer and the law of attraction.  But in either case you MUST open the door and walk through. 

 

That’s what those kids and their parents and their coaches did.  They did not simply think about a dream.  They put it in action.  And it was done as a group program.  The athletes alone did not do it.  We all know that their parents were totally committed to the dream.  And these athletes had coaches.  The coaches worked with their athletes on so many levels.  Of course they worked on the actual physical performance of their athletes, but they added in nutrition, emotional and psychological aspects, developmental stages, and a sundry of other aspects of taking a child and helping them become and amazing athlete.

 

And these kids knew instinctively that they had to have coaches.  The coaches would sometimes give them grueling workouts, other times hug them after the fall, and of course celebrate the joys of success.  Having coaches was a natural part of the program.

As a matter of fact without coaches there wouldn’t be a program and there wouldn’t be action of a dream.

 

Think about your dream as a parent.  Put it in action today. 

 

************************************************************************

 

Next Monday Donna L. Johnson and I will be hosting

Your Dreams and Dumps

A teleseminar on getting out your woes of parenting and being a woman,

Yet having the intention of living your dreams.

 

This is a program set up for you at no cost.

Just a phone call away.

 

************************************************************************

Halloween is tomorrow

 

Get into the fun with your kids.  If you trick or treat get on a costume, your kids will always love it.  It is silly, fun and on their level.

 

If you do not trick or treat be mindful that your children will feel left out.  Give them something special to do.  Use the time for togetherness with your family.  Be sure to explain your family values and morals as to why you don’t trick or treat in terms of the good to your family, not the wrong of others.

 

As for my family, we will be out and about trick or treating.

It is one of our favorite things to do.

 

Put your dream in action

And parent with

Passion, Purpose, and Integrity

 

Grace

Be sure to put your comments here.

I will comment back

Sleeping Foot Disorder of Parenting

October 28, 2008 at 6:21 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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This is a simple problem that you have. 

  • You know what it is like to have a foot asleep. 
  • First you realize it is a sleep.
  • Second you try very hard to barely move it.  Maybe you can avoid the pain.
  • Third you moved it just too much and you have shooting pins and needles, you feel like the pain is more than you can stand.
  • But move it you must.  Your subconscious brain forces this to happen or the poor blood flow can cause permanent damage. 
  • Then in a moment that seems like forever of pain, you are fine. 
  • Your foot works just the way it should. 
  • All the anxiety and pain are gone.
  •  

 

This is the pattern that parents get into.  Only your subconscious brain isn’t quite so powerful.

You are a parent who is sleeping through your privileges and responsibilities as a parent.  You are just on the surface finding joy and wonder in parenting.

You are so scared to move.

When you do you are certain there will be shooting pains.

And you are right; growing pains are real, yet to grow you must move.

But with parenting you don’t have your subconscious brain forcing you to move.

And the tragedy here is you can raise your children while stuck in sleep.

The flow of energy can be severely diminished and your children will become adults.

But there will be long lasting, if not permanent, damage if you don’t shake yourself.

Yes, you have to actually get off your duff and move. 

 

You may have excruciating pain as you first move. 

The pain is the beginning of change, 

The change that opens the flow of energy.

 

But this new energy, just like with your foot, will be momentary.  It will dissipate.  It will diminish.  And you will be able to parent with real passion, purpose, and integrity.

You and your family will have the privilege to grow to have high self-esteem.  You will be more than simply satisfied with life.  You will cherish and flourish.  Your family will be that amazing family that everyone wonders how they can be so together.

 

I am sure you have heard of the Chinese noblewomen who had their feet bound in the past.  When they would have to have the bindings periodically replaced to put new ones on they cried in pain and begged to have the bindings replaced.  The flow of energy was too much for them to stand.  Yet, the binding made them incapable of standing.

 

Right now you are a bound parent.  You are living with your foot asleep.  And you not only ruin yourself by doing this, you take away from your children the most amazing gift there is.  You.

 

Wake up today.  Know there will be a pain.  Know that you and you family are worth getting past this pain.  If you don’t the best you can hope for is mediocrity in life, for you and your children.

*************************************************************************************

This week I am challenging you to wake up.  Do two things.  One is to tell your friends about GEMParenting.com.  You can easily do this by going to GEMParentng.com and clicking on the yellow box where it says “refer our site to a friend”

(If you have five friends sign up for the Pearl Membership I will host a teleclass just for you and your friends at no coat.)

The other is to get into action. Purchase a podcast while you are at GEMparenting. I mean really, they are just six dollars.  If you won’t do that then, you really just want to stay asleep. 

You must do something to get moving.  Your subconscious can’t do it.  You must do it with your will and your power.  Its called willpower.

Good Luck and parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity 

Grace

Wake up and love this day

October 27, 2008 at 10:04 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
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Wow.  It’s motivational Monday again. I always love this day:  starting off and writing to you about how you can motivate yourself to be the best parent possible.  How you can truly parent with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

I am motivating you to find the sleeping spot in your life. Give it a twitch. Wake up and love this day.

 

This week I am going to start off with two requests.  If you read last weeks Motivational Monday message you know I urged you to take the plunge.  Start changing your parenting.  And I suggested one way was to work with me.

 

Well, I had not one plunge taker.  Which would be fine, except last week my last client graduated.  This puts me in an awkward position.  I need to have GEM Parenting grow.  Even though I would dearly love to simply give everything I have to you for free, our culture doesn’t work that way.  I have bills to pay in relation to GEM Parenting.

 

So I am asking you to do two things for me, very low budget.

 

First I want each of you to tell one friend about GEM Parenting and the Pearl memebership.

As a matter of fact if you go overboard and have five friends sign up for the Pearl membership between Oct. 27 and Nov. 2  I will have a teleclass for you and your friends at no cost, complete with action guide and article.

 

Just send them the link to GEMParenitng.com and urge them to sign up in the yellow box.

Then send me a list of whom you sent emails to.

And if you are new you can count yourself in too.

 

The second request I have will cost $6.00.  I want each of you to go the GEM Parenting store and actually purchase one podcast.  With most podcasts you get an action guide and an article written in conjunction with podcast topic.  There are currently 24 podcasts, so I am sure there is one that can boost your parenting.  And they cost as much as a Starbucks visit. 

 Just to go GEMParenting.com/store.htm

 

If you can’t afford this, either you are truly poor or you don’t really want to try and change your parenting.  

 

If you want to change but $6 is honestly beyond your budget then shoot me an email and I will work something out for you.

 

With these two steps you will be helping both yourself and GEM Parenting.  As you know I am not a sales person.  I don’t ask for much from you. You can step up to the plate now and make this change for both of us.

 

And tomorrow I will be writing about The Sleeping Foot Disorder of Parenting.

 

Now, right now, send an email to at least one friend inviting them to GEM Parenting

and if you haven’t joined yet go ahead and join.

And then go directly to the GEM store and get your podcast.

 

Thanks and know the change you make is for both you and GEM Parenting.

 

As always Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

 

Grace           

PS If you have comments about this letter I would love you to share them.

 

 

Do You Really Parent with Love? Bet not!

October 13, 2008 at 6:39 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Its Motivational Monday.

And I want to share wth you the fundamental aspect of parenting.  You guessed it.  it is love.  Not too surprising, except when you think about how many times you mix up hate into it.  For instance, when you find your kids annoying, irritating, overwhelming.  When your let them know what a brat they are being. When you know that they are driving you crazy.  

You are letting hate in and using it as your parenting guide when you are so stressed out by what to do that you can’t sleep at night.  Or maybe you scream at your kids.  You may even ridicule your kids.  Or you may hit, slap, or spank them.

And worse than all these you may ignore your kids.  

This day and everyday this week remember that you do love your kids. Keep a little running count of each time you feel love towards your kids.  This can be a simple tally on the fridge.  

By taking the time to truly notice and make a mark of loving your children, you will bring your focus back to the true essential nature of parenting.

Be sure to parent with passion, purpose, and integrity

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