Mom’s Job When Kid Is Named Captain

November 30, 2010 at 2:36 pm | Posted in moms, Moms of talented teens, peer pressure, Self Esteem, sports | 2 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

She’s the captain of her ice hockey team at ten!  What an honor and accomplishment.  She called all her relatives as soon as she found out.

What about me, her mom?  How do I react to this?  What is my responsibility?  What do I do about her sisters?  None of them were ever captains in any sport.

Of course there’s a bit of history here.  Jilly was invited to play up for the peewee team, not based on skills but more because the team needed a few more players.  I told the coaches of both teams I would decide which team based soley on what I thought was most important for my child.   I would not, under any circumstances, put my daughter on a team just to make it happen.

Of course Jilly was all swaggery when she got the news. She was oh so cool!  She was going to play up.   But the moment I had her alone in the car the first thing I said was, “I alone will make thie decision based on what is best for you.  I’ll listen to your ideas, but you will not make the decision.  I think at ten you’re too young to figure this all out.”

Since we already have a great relationship based on trust and respect she knew I was going to do what was best for her, not what was seem by others as cool or being above others. Cause what they think just doesn’t matter!

It was clear to me that giving Jilly another year as a squirt would give her more time to get basic skills, she loved working with the coaches of squirts, and she could really use a year as being one of the best.  Even if she didn’t have all her sisters with all their accomplishments, it’s so important to have a time when you are the best.  When the others look up to you. When you can help out and be a leader.

So squirts it was.  Until I heard from Jilly that they, the kids, would be picking captains the next week.  Then my head reeled. I’d been through this too many times.  Captains at ten chosen by teammates has had more negative effect than no captains.  My personal opinion is to have captains for each week.  They lead the warm ups for practices and game, shake hands with the refs, lead the pregame cheer, and lead the hand slap at the end of the game.  It’s a learning experience for each kid.

But to be captain for the season- now that’s a true honor and responsibility.  One not to be given hastily or lightly. One that most nine and ten year olds just don’t have the capacity to truly understand.  If there are going to be captains, the coaches need to be very able to choose based on the true value of the player, with complete open minds.

I talked with the coaches.  Explained my personal concern about kids choosing their captains.  And then dropped the bomb. I told the coaches that I couldn’t let Jilly participate if the captains were chosen by the teammates.  They nodded, said, “Hmmm, hadn’t really thought about that.”  Then I never mentioned captains again to the coaches or Jilly.

This past weekend was the third weekend of games.  I could tell the moment I saw the team come out of the locker room that Jilly had been chosen captain.  She had this look of control and determination on her face. She was in charge and going to make it happen!

I was certain when she and another player went over to the refs and shook hands.  And guess what – me who opposed captains- had a SURGE of pride.  That was my little girl who was captain.  And I truly believe she deserved to be chosen captain.

So what is my responsibility?  Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be writing about?  Well my responsibility is to help Jilly understand the honor and responsibility of being chosen captain.  That being captain is partly about being a great player, but more importantly about being a leader. About the team moral and focus.  It’s about good sportsmanship, paying attention to the coaches, guiding the other kids to do their best. When the game is tough and they are loosing it’s about keeping the spirit up and still trying their hardest.

Being captain doesn’t mean to fake energy or excitement.  It doesn’t mean to suck up to the coaches.  It means to have pride, respect, and leadership.  Being a skilled player helps, but it’s not what a captain is all about.  Even Mia Hamm or Kristine Lilly weren’t the captains of the US soccer team.

No more trying! Its time to DO.

November 5, 2010 at 9:35 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s been a long journey- Over seven hundred miles on my feet running; Countless hours of stretching, strengthening, yoga, Zumba, Pilates; Even more unaccountable hours of mental preparation.

And now its down to one more gentle run today, some core, lots of stretching and of course lots of hydration and eating just the right foods! And Sunday I run the New York Marathon.

I have learned and grown so much from this journey. When I ran in my youth I just loved it. There were so few demands on my time. Oh yes, I went to school and worked and lived off campus. I was busy for sure. But if I skipped a meal, didn’t pay a bill, ate junk, stayed up late partying or studying, it only affected me.

Now of course not paying bills isn’t even an option. I can’t skip meals because my kids get the hungry horrors if I do. My life is very connected with the well being of my family.

But beyond all this, I learned once again to follow my heart, my passion, my purpose. And to do it all with integrity.

Since my freak accident, four years ago, I have been trying to do things, trying to get a business up and running, trying to be involved with issues of personal importance, trying to live the life I dreamed of.

Only thing was I was trying. And that is NOT doing. I really struggled along with this. Except in one place and that was being a mother.

Now I LOVE being a mother, but my kids are older, we all need less of my mothering. SO not only was I struggling at trying to do something I was also doing less.

I was really frustrated and stifled. I sent out intentions to have something come into my life that would rejuvenate me AND let me bring a positive energy to others. All my life I have been passionate about the inequalities that girls and women accept and place on themselves, especially about their physical abilities.

And the very day after my physical therapist cleared me to do anything, “Maybe even run a marathon” I was asked if I wanted to run the NYC marathon for the Women’s Sports Foundation. Its nto an easy task to train from scratch, to engage and solicite funds, to educate others about the Women’s Sports Foundation and to do everything else that needed to be done.

But I’ve been doing it. And Sunday I get to run with 45,000 other amazing individuals as we tour the city of New York. Celebrating our successes.

Thanks to each and everyone of you for your support and encouragement! I could not have done this alone!

Although the marathon marks the end of this particular journey, my work for the Women’s Sports Foundation has really just begun.

No need to worry I won’t be hounding you for your dollars. I will continue “Talking with Top Female Athletes” and I will be doing events- Zumba, school and team sports programs, individual fitness and empowering coaching, and who knows what else

So what have I learned? To enjoy my life for what it is. Not to TRY and make it be something. I will continue my lifestyle as I want, support all those who I can, and always DO. No more trying- that just bogs you down. Holds you still and gets you stuck.

Is happiness out of our reach?

June 6, 2010 at 5:40 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don’t even remember leaving open. ” Rose Wilder Lane

You can join me each week for a tele-class on effective leadership and success- My personal focus is for young female athletes and their parents, but if you are interested in your own needs of leadership and success, parenting, and empowerment then you better get on board!.
You will learn my secrets of happiness and endurance on and off the running road,
You will learn about

• Nutrition in a totally fun and easy way to maintain healthy eating
• Social norms and how to handle them
• How to call your inner strength to be your ally rather than your enemy
• Affirmations
• Personal training
• Low self-esteem and how to channel that negative talk into positive self-esteem
• Why is self confidence so hard to have and how to build your self confidence
• Body image- how to be comfortable and strong in your body
• Girls sports
• Parenting

And that list will keep growing to cover a totally new you. And who better to help you on your journey, but me- why? Cause I’m one step ahead of you.

With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?

October 6, 2009 at 9:29 am | Posted in 1, Diet / Nutrition, Family Time, How To | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , ,

With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?

You know it is truly a miracle that everyday we can do what we as moms do. Who knew that all these modern conveniences would give us all the freedom to run around like chickens with our heads chopped off.

And now we get to have a contest,, to try and help each other out of some major daily hassle.

As for me, the dinner thing comes and goes in cycles. For a while I have it all under control. Then you know what hits the fan.

But all in all here are my three best proven tricks to help lesson the hassle of getting dinner on the table- and BTW I do make almost all dinners by scratch.

Best tip- have a menu for the week. You sit down once a week and get it done. No nonsense! Pick your main course, your veggies, carb, be sure to think about condiments and all that goes with the meal. Then put your grocery list together. And post your menu where EVERYONE can see it. Now follow it.

OK I know this is not exactly simple to get going. There are plenty of hassles that can get in the way. But here is the cool thing to do. My second tip- Find a site that has the recipes and use them.

My other favorite thing to smooth the dinner transition is to have the table set for dinner right after breakfast. No one leaves the house till the dinner table is set. This give everyone, including me, the understanding that dinner is valued in our house.

These are my fav ways to get dinner in the groove. Do you have a fav? I’d love to add them to my personal list. Just put in your comment and lets help each other out.

Poop Pie up Your Nose-Man was I pissed!

October 4, 2009 at 3:16 pm | Posted in attitudes | Leave a comment
Tags: ,

Man, I am pissed off.  Well, actually at this moment I have had a time to cool off.  But here’s the story- with as few details as I can put in.  Cause I know parents will get the picture.

Here are the characters- but not real names just in case, you know.



Supposed to have kid Divorced Parent of GirlA- PA

Other Divorced Parent of GirlA- OPA

Parent of GirlB – PB

And the only reason I mention anything about divorce is because to help you understand a bit more.

OK my 9 year old daughter and her two friends decided to have a sleep over at my house.  And the plan was set, we thought, with all necessary parents on board. By necessary I mean PA and PB.

Then we got word from the other parent (OPA) that there was a problem this weekend and the visitation was being altered. So the “BIG” sleepover for Saturday sort of fizzled out.

And that was OK.  But here’s the tough part.  This morning we find that PA has called and made plans with PB to have GA go to GB’s house.  And that after lunch GA will come over to play at my house.  And of course we all know that no one wants to leave one house when the play has just really begun.

Now mind you it was the girls who begged their parents to have the sleepover and play time at my house.  It was not that my daughter was not liked or wanted.  Both the other girls love my daughter.  After all, being a parent for 25 years I can tell when my kid is not liked.  And it is not the case here.

I was unaware of this new arrangement.  Oh yeah, last night I talked with PA and even though the sleepover wasn’t going to happen, the day of playing was still on.

I called PA this morning.  I threw out the idea of going to a fall festival. That’s when I was told of the new plan.  Then an hour later PA and I talked again.  And it seemed to me that the girls would all be going to the festival.  And before we went we would have the dogs and girls run around for an hour together.

Next thing I know is that GirlA is at GirlB’s house.  And GirlA would come over after lunch.  SO you know it didn’t happen.  But I did talk with PB.  She was totally understanding and sympathetic and I do believe had no idea of all this stuff.

Then PA calls and is going to bring GirlA over right after going to the grocery store- around 12.  At 1:00 I took my daughter to the field to run the puppy- who by the way hadn’t gotten run yet.  We got back at 2.  (We live in small village, and had left a note on the door incase GirlA showed up.)

And of course you know they did not come over.  Now I’ve got a really moping and pissed off nine-year old.  And it’s NOOOO fun to have that let me tell you.  My day had gone from great to sucky just like hers.

But PB called, not realizing the time and to have my daughter come right over.  I was pretty relieved! And PB was shocked that PA had not come by.

Now I have never in my life been a gossiper, or defender of myself when others have gossiped about me- and it has cost me a lot over the years I have to say.

But I stood there with my friend – PB- and just let it all out about PA.  It was actually a really healthy thing for me to do.  I doubt if I will now become a gossiper, but this was a truly cathartic experience.  No tears, no huge expression of emotions, just letting something that had been going on for years be released.

I’ll let you know how I react after I see PA again.

But now I am feeling really relaxed.  I know that I showed my daughter, who really wanted to take a poop pie and shove up PA’s nose- a great way to handle the crap that gets dished your way.  Although I think I would feel way more satisfied if I could do the poop pie method!

What Are You Putting at Stake For Your Reputation as a Parent?

June 17, 2009 at 1:27 pm | Posted in 1 | 2 Comments
Tags: , , , , , ,

Monday I talked about your reputation. I talked about how you need to prod yourself to take action.

Putting your reputation at stake is key as a parent.  You have everything to lose and everything to live by.

It you put your reputation on the line with just a bit of energy, then you will live with just a bit of a reputation- good or bad.  But if you are resisting or fearful of the whole wonderful and fulfilling life as a parent you dream of then you will simply procrastinate till your kids are grown.  I promise it happens quicker than anyone ever tells you!

You really need to put your whole life at stake. And I’m not
talking about human sacrifice here! I’m talking about what’s most
important to you, what’s at your very heart.

If you are parenting just to get by, or even just to be
successful, you really don’t have a lot at stake. After all, what’s
the big deal if your kid isn’t that successful? You can let
things slip by for a week or a month. They’ll grow up sooner or later.

You can really have two things at stake. One is external (like the
car) and the other is internal. Let’s talk about external first.

If you have a mortgage to pay, kids to support and a “nut” to
make every month, that’s what you have at stake externally. And
this isn’t trivial.

I have a great life.  I live in NH for ten months- in the White Mountains National Forest-
I live in CT for the summer, near the beach and my mother. My children are all doing exactly what they want.  And I love my life.

But even this has its limitations.

After all, it can soon feel like you’re in the rat race, keeping up
with the Jones’s and never feeling you’re giving and doing quite enough.
Sure, you have something at stake, but it’s easy to wonder if all
the hard work is really worth it.

Perhaps then you discover that you need to put something
internal at stake. Now this can be a dead end, too. Chasing
happiness and fulfillment can be elusive. After all, how happy is

My discovery, the thing that ultimately gets me up in the
morning, is making a difference, making a contribution. When
you put this at stake, everything seems to change. When your
focus is the welfare of others, you win every single time.

Now as moms it seems that’s all that we are doing, but there is a real difference.
Here it is.  If you are going through making a contribution to your kids life as a duty, as  a forced activity, as a drudgery, you will not be happy to say the least!

What ever I do- write this blog, give a talk, help a client, more importantly look at what my child has made, help with their lessons, drive them to wherever, do their laundry and dishes, and kiss they goodnight – I do it to make a difference.  It comes from my heart.

Mothers and families who base their lives on this principle thrive.  Families that don’t?  The stories are endless about them.

So the thing to put at stake every day is the contribution you
make. “Today I’ll run my home, raise my kids, live my life to
make a contribution. What’s wanted and needed right now where
can I best make that contribution?”

Its important to remember that the magnificence of what you do is directly connected with the love and heart felt energy you put into anything.  It is not about how others think you have done, how much money is involved, or how successful you are.

If you get to that place, then procrastination, delay, fears and
worries won’t have such a big part in your life. You’ll join that
support group; you’ll get your house chores done; you’ll really stop and look at the picture your child made; you’ll go the extra mile.

What are you going to put at stake?

By the way, it’s also important to make a contribution to yourself
as well.

What’s something bigger than yourself that you’ll put at stake?
Please share your comments

And for your reputation
Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,


PS: Ready to talk with others about how to really live your life as the parent with a true and fantastic reputation? Join me at 7 pm EDT, 6 CDT, 4 PDT. Just lick this link (or cut and paste) to get the details.

I am really psyched to have you join!

Add Your Values to Your Parenting

June 8, 2009 at 9:26 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last I wrote to you about character.
This week I’m all excited to talk about value.

“We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence,
but we rather have those because we have acted rightly.”

This is such an important concept.
As a parent it is not that you
have to know the “right” way to
behave in your head.

It is that you have to act and behave the
“right” way.

Sounds simple, but with all the pressure and
influence around us to live with out
our personal values we often loose
touch with them.

What are your values?
How are you living up to and with them?

If you are falling short in most of your
values then try this.

Pick just one value that you will absolutely adhere to
for one day.
Make no exceptions.
Be strong and firm.

Give your whole self to this value.
And see that you pick a value that you
are certain is from your heart.

When you live with your values
you let your children know
that what comes from your heart
is more important than how others
react to you.

Thus the get to have natural high self esteem.



Summer program:

What:     How to Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity.
Weekly Tele-support workshop

When:     Four Thursdays in July
July 2, 9, 16, 30

Time:    LIVE
10:30-12:00 am EDT
9:30-11:00 am CDT
7:30-9:00 am PDT
Recording whenever you want

Where: On your phone anywhere
Recording on your computer

Cost:    $12/week if registered for all four sessions by June 18. Total $48
$19/week after that. Total $76

Why:    Making a change from how you were brought up
Leery of mass media
Wanting to use positive intervention
Feeling inadequate as a mom

Topics:    1: How to be a mom whom I respect?
with all the pressures that surround me?
There are the social norms,
the media that hits,
family pressures,
husband who is put off by the out of the box parenting
but going along with it- for now at least.

2: How can I support my kids in their achievements?
but not become the pushy parent with the needs?
Is there any real way to be a supportive parent
and not get too involved?

3: How can I maintain my sanity?
when there is all this energy change?
I have no idea of what is best for my family or me?
How can I make any good decision when
there is just way too much to choose from?

4: Is there any escape from this totally
overwhelming stress inducing thing
called “Good Parenting”??????

Register here:

As a Pearl Member the price today is
$10/week- total $40.

That’s affordable for you.
You can really do this.

Sign up right now!
Don’t waiver or it
will be just like everything else you do.

I look forward to “seeing” you in July.

For today stick to your values.
And parent with passion, purpose, and integrity,


Parenting Power of Positive Energy

May 4, 2009 at 6:57 am | Posted in Motivational Monday, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Here it is Motivational Monday
all over again.

We have been talking about peace and honor
and now I want to switch just slightly.

You see I am doing a workshop for teens this Wednesday
and the topic is

The Power of Positive Energy

Your attitude and perspective deeply affect
how you present yourself to the world.
A famous quote by Emerson reads:

“Enthusiasm is one of the most
powerful engines of success.

When you do a thing,
do it with all your might.
Put your whole soul into it.
Stamp it with your own personality.
Be active, be energetic,
be enthusiastic and faithful, and
you will accomplish your objective.

Nothing great was ever achieved
without enthusiasm.”

Learn that what you get back in life
has a direct correlation with what you give.
Discover how to develop and
use positive energy in your daily approach to life.

So of course I want to share a bit about how
you, as a parent, can use YOUR
Power of Positive Energy
to ease and calm your parenting.

Each time you hear yourself tell your child what
you don’t want, I want you to add on
what you do want.

Example: “You’re late!  Don’t miss that bus again.”
Add: “I want you to be timely and get on the bus.”

You can even shorten it to
“Be timely.  Get on the bus.”

This is about the most simple way to start the change
of shifting your negative energy to positive energy.

And let me tell, you if you are in a funk of negativity
this “simple” exercise can really undermine your
train of thought.

You are forced to stop that negative motion.
Its just like a train that gets derailed.
All that negativity just crashes.

It has nowhere to go.

When you take this tiny little step
not only will you change your energy from
negative to positive, you
will give your children something to
live up to.  Thus raising their self esteem.

That’s your Motivation for Monday.
And you can actually use this skill
absolutely anywhere.

Since I am a parent coach I urge you to try
at home with your kids first.

Please share your success stories.
It really inspires others when they
see that something really does work.

Now get on with parenting with
Passion, Purpose, and Integrity


PS:  If you haven’t checked out the
podcasts at GEM Parenting why not do it now?

How to bring a moment of peace to your parenting

April 27, 2009 at 5:00 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

GEM Parenting
Where Every Child is a GEM

Hi there ,

It’s Motivational Monday once again.
Last week I asked you to focus on your
own personal peace and honor.

How’d it go?

Were you able to find any peace?
Could you honor that peace?

It’s often hard to find the way to honor yourself when you
are a busy parent.

I do want you to remember that you can take moments.
You need to start just like your children,
with baby steps.

This week I want to suggest you say out loud-
twice a day- “I honor my peace.”

You can start in the bathroom with the shower
running, where no one can hear you.
Or outdoors where you are free also.

Then let your self really feel peace,
take a deep breath,
either close your eyes
or look at something that
seems peaceful to you,
and let the flow of peace
come over your whole being.

As you begin to practice this
you will be able to let this
flow of peace happen
whenever and wherever
you need it.

You have the control of your peace.
It is not elusive.
It is yours to create and manifest
as you desire.

Again, this week I want you to
stay with peace and honor.

Build this into a part of your
parenting. Let your
peace be free to come to you.

You need this peace to be able to
raise your children with self-esteem
and calmness
and stop the stress
that burns you up at night.

Get it in the day and you can also bring
your peace into your nights when
you lie awake wondering if you have made
the right decisions.

Have a great day, and
Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,


Honor and Peace for Parents

April 20, 2009 at 11:46 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , ,

GEM Parenting
Where Every Child is a GEM


It’s Motivational Monday.

And this week its about Honor and Peace.

I had some ideas about what I would motivate you on. (All kinds of earth day stuff. I know you will get plenty of that anyway.)

But then I got an email from one of my favorite clients this morning and had a call with my husband. My client has found her peace. And she was able to accept it. This is such a huge bridge that I just had to motivate you to find your peace this week. It makes such a difference when you have something that would have been upsetting, a struggle, or overwhelming. When you have your peace you are able to respond and react with a calm and yes peaceful response. It seems so basic, but if it were then you would already be peaceful. Your self-esteem and parenting would be going along in a manner that brought peace. You would be calm and collected.

Oh you aren’t. So this week go find some peace.

And when my husband called, he had some free time but I had you to write to, do lessons for my kids, email some contacts about a retreat I am setting up ( oh more juicy stuff about that later) and this afternoon I have three conferences, my yoga class and physical therapy, and my hour of being outdoors. Yes a very busy day.

But I answered the phone when my husband called. He wanted to talk. But I really just wanted to have a quick hello and get on with all that I have geared up for today.

He responded with a pouting sound. Then I explained to him that he has a choice- “You can feel rejected because I am not talking to you for a long time or you can feel honored that I am taking time to talk to you. It’s really your choice. But in my opinion you should (Yes I have to admit I used the word should) be honored I have stopped in the middle of what I am doing to have a chat with you.”

And happily he decided to be honored I talked to him.

So with looking for and finding some peace for yourself this week honor yourself and those around you. It’s a choice to find honor in most everything you do.

So that leaves the others to motivate you to find specific ways to celebrate earth day. And if you have something to share, by all means let us know.

But really I would rather you share about your peace and honor.
And the funny thing about this change is that it leads right into the new program I am offering. It is “UU Moms For a Balanced Life.”

Click the link or cut and paste to your browser to learn about and join this program.

Next Page »

Blog at
Entries and comments feeds.