Wake up and love this day

October 27, 2008 at 10:04 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
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Wow.  It’s motivational Monday again. I always love this day:  starting off and writing to you about how you can motivate yourself to be the best parent possible.  How you can truly parent with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

I am motivating you to find the sleeping spot in your life. Give it a twitch. Wake up and love this day.

 

This week I am going to start off with two requests.  If you read last weeks Motivational Monday message you know I urged you to take the plunge.  Start changing your parenting.  And I suggested one way was to work with me.

 

Well, I had not one plunge taker.  Which would be fine, except last week my last client graduated.  This puts me in an awkward position.  I need to have GEM Parenting grow.  Even though I would dearly love to simply give everything I have to you for free, our culture doesn’t work that way.  I have bills to pay in relation to GEM Parenting.

 

So I am asking you to do two things for me, very low budget.

 

First I want each of you to tell one friend about GEM Parenting and the Pearl memebership.

As a matter of fact if you go overboard and have five friends sign up for the Pearl membership between Oct. 27 and Nov. 2  I will have a teleclass for you and your friends at no cost, complete with action guide and article.

 

Just send them the link to GEMParenitng.com and urge them to sign up in the yellow box.

Then send me a list of whom you sent emails to.

And if you are new you can count yourself in too.

 

The second request I have will cost $6.00.  I want each of you to go the GEM Parenting store and actually purchase one podcast.  With most podcasts you get an action guide and an article written in conjunction with podcast topic.  There are currently 24 podcasts, so I am sure there is one that can boost your parenting.  And they cost as much as a Starbucks visit. 

 Just to go GEMParenting.com/store.htm

 

If you can’t afford this, either you are truly poor or you don’t really want to try and change your parenting.  

 

If you want to change but $6 is honestly beyond your budget then shoot me an email and I will work something out for you.

 

With these two steps you will be helping both yourself and GEM Parenting.  As you know I am not a sales person.  I don’t ask for much from you. You can step up to the plate now and make this change for both of us.

 

And tomorrow I will be writing about The Sleeping Foot Disorder of Parenting.

 

Now, right now, send an email to at least one friend inviting them to GEM Parenting

and if you haven’t joined yet go ahead and join.

And then go directly to the GEM store and get your podcast.

 

Thanks and know the change you make is for both you and GEM Parenting.

 

As always Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

 

Grace           

PS If you have comments about this letter I would love you to share them.

 

 

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How to Use Your Marbles on Saturdays and Build High Self-Esteem.

October 9, 2008 at 9:59 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 2 Comments
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OK it has been forever since I wrote here.  And now I am going to share what I received from a friend this morning.  If you live with motto you can only raise your children with high self esteem- and at the same time enjoy yourself and them.

 

3900 Marbles

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. 

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time, Let me tell you about it: 

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whom-ever he was talking with something about “a thousand marbles.” I was in trigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say 

“Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you’re busy with your job. I’m sure they pay you well but it’s a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It’s too bad you missed your daughter’s “dance recital” he continued. “Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities.” And that’s when he began to explain his theory of a “thousand marbles.” 

“You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years. 

“Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in t heir entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I’m getting to the important part. 

It took me until I was fift y-five years old to think about all this in any detail”, he went on, “and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays.” “I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.” 

“Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life. 

There is nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.”

“Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.” 

“It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!” 

You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter. 

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. “C’mon honey, I’m taking yo u and the kids to breakfast.” “What brought this on?” she asked with a smile. “Oh, nothing special, it’s just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we’re out? I need to buy some marbles. 

A friend sent this to me, so I sent it to you, my friend.

And so, as one smart bear once said…”If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.” – Winnie the Pooh. 

Pass this on to all of your FRIENDS, even if it means sending it to the person that sent it to you.And if you receive this e-mail many times from many different people, it only means that you have many FRIENDS. And if you get it but once, do not be discouraged for you will know that you have at least one good friend…

And that would be ME.

Now use your marbles to live and parent with passion, purpose and integrity.
Let others know how you use your marbles by putting in a comment.

How to Use Early Socialization and Keep Peer Pressure at Bay For Life.

August 5, 2008 at 5:23 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 1 Comment
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Of course after slamming working moms yesterday, I knew I wanted to comment on the other side of the coin. 

 

How to Use Early Socialization and Keep Peer Pressure at Bay For Life.

 

When your child is young and impressionable is a wonderful time to set up life values and morals.  Let these be part of how you live and how your child lives.  Let your values be your guidelines.  Hold fast and never waiver.

If your child is in preschool or daycare absolutely only choose a place that you feel is fantastic, comfortable, and loving.  Don’t pick the place that is most convenient and don’t decide simply on price.  Get the place that is best for you and your family.

When you lower your standards, you dismiss your child’s value as a person in the process.  Choose anywhere from three to ten values that you truly believe in.  Live by them.  Use them as your guide when setting up your child’s socialization and activities.

My favorite values are:

  • Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.
  • There is no bad weather, only bad dressing- I am an out door enthusiast.
  • Variety is the spice of life.
  • Every one is neurotic about something; so don’t worry about theirs or yours.
  • Being polite is necessary.
  • With every privilege comes responsibility.
  • You are what you eat.
  • Physical activity is essential for well-being.
  • Love and cherish your children- always.
  • Follow the Serenity Prayer

 

When you become clear about your values and morals, take them to heart and practice them, you can have your children at home full time, in part time socialized situations or in full time day care, and you will be providing your children with the only recipe to enable them to have “solid self-esteem, individual strength and character…and be friendly, well adjusted and smart.”  (Amy- comment from yesterday) 

 

The point is by setting up your life and your child’s life to be set on a solid course of values and morals; you free your child from needing to look to others for approval.  By seeing that even when faced with criticism and problems you hold your ground, you know who you are, what is important, and what to let go of, your child learns from basic living that inner strength, self confidence, and personal resolve create inner peace and harmony. 

Give yourself the credit you deserve.  Put your values down on paper.  Put them right out in front where anyone who comes in your house can see them.  Love them and cherish them. 

If you don’t really know your values now, you can use ones that are already out there.  Every religion has them.  They are all over the place.  And, as you can see from mine, be specific about whom you are and what you think is One Hundred Percent Essential for your family. 

 

As always,

Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity,

Grace

How Can Early Socialization Screw Up Your Child?

August 4, 2008 at 3:07 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 5 Comments
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Motivational Monday:

I had a question asking about socializing her four year old.

Here is a slightly changed response:

I do not think if you are interacting with your child as an at home mom there is any need to worry about getting her “ready” for school by sending her to day care, preschool, or any otherout of home, no mother involved experience.

What you are giving your daughter in terms of love, guidance, andsupport will give her more than any other program can offer.

Many mothers do not stay at home because they do not have an option.They need to work to make financial ends meet.  

Believe me, there is nothing better than being with your child as long as you can.

As far as getting your daughter to be social and have social interactions, simply do activities that you both enjoy.

You daughter does not need to have lots of friends, be with the same people all the time, or be away form you to develop her independence

and her own personality.

When children are shuttled off to day care, set with peer groups at these young ages parents are teaching their children be dependent on peer pressure.  Being a part of the group and culture is more important than individual strength and character.  These parents are teaching their children to be dependent on other esteem, rather than self-esteem.

What you are doing in your “old fashioned” way is setting the foundation for your daughter to have natural high self-esteem, to be self resilient and self reliant.  You are teaching your child how to avoid the problems, stress, and anxieties caused by peer pressure.

And you are saving yourself thousands of dollars.  You will not need to purchase everything so that your daughter fits in.  You will not need to sign up for every program that comes along. You may even save money on future therapy.

Be proud and content that you have chosen the best, hardest, most rewarding, most frustrating, fulfilling, lonely, emotionally charged, and with out question joy and wonder filled path for any mother.

By choosing this “old fashioned” path you are re-pioneering and repeating what history has proved over and over.  Mothering is the most rewarding thing you can do.  And it is the most beneficial way you can raise your daughter.

Peace and Harmony After you get Home from Vacation?

July 31, 2008 at 6:26 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Personal Message

 

I have really been taking advantage of the summer these past two weeks.  Last week I went camping with my two youngest children and one of their friends.  We had such a great time.  I had no computer or phone reception.  I had really intended on getting in the car and going to check my messages, write the newsletter, and just do a few keep in touch things.  But I got completely caught up in the camping!  It was such a wonderful way for me to let my soul rejuvenate.  Each morning I would get up and do my yoga and meditation outside.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner cooked over the fire.  Bike riding, canoeing, blueberry picking, and pretending we were living in some other century were our activities.  The week was full of peace and harmony. 

 

This week I have visited with an old friend I haven’t seen for eight (yes 8) years.  And gotten my teenager ready to head off to Chile for the month of August.  She leaves today.  And if you know anything about a teenage girl- even the best of them have WAY too much stuff.  We had to redo the packing- got everything, 4 pairs of skis, poles, boots, and winter clothes all in two ski bags. 

 

I am in a mix of excitement for her to go, sadness she will be gone so long, and actually relieved I am not going this year.  As a family we have all gone for the past five years.

 

My feature article is how to have peace and harmony even when you get home from vacation, or especially if you are unable to go on one.

 

 

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Feature article

 

Maintain Peace and Harmony After You Get Home From Vacation?

 

So often when you go away for vacation you are sure that it will refresh and rejuvenate you.  You know that this time you will come home and have peace within your family.  You will know you will keep the harmony going.  But as soon as you get back- whammo!- The squabbles repeat themselves.  The pace simply doesn’t change no matter how much you promise yourself you will slow down.  You get exhausted just in a day or two and wonder if it was even true that you went on a vacation.  You wonder if anyone really can live in peace and harmony, not be overwhelmed with the daily minutia, and be stress free.

 

Generally when you get home from vacation you believe you need to jump back into your old patterns.  And this may be partially true.  But you can make adjustments and changes.  The main reason that you can relax when on vacation is because you can actually be yourself.  In the back of your mind – sometimes right out in the open- you know you will not see any of these people again so you know you don’t need to make yourself behave in a way that is against your natural self.  This is freeing.  It is liberating and it allows you to have a great time when on vacation.  You worry less.  You are not overwhelmed.  And you know the tired you feel at the end of the day is a healthy and natural tired, not one from stress and anxiety.

 

The real problem is; what do you do to keep being yourself even when you have all these pressures and commitments when you get back?  You just can’t let go of all your responsibilities. 

 

And you are absolutely right.  But you can change one major part of yourself.  That is being yourself, even when pressured, full of time commitments, and everything is piling up again.  Each time you feel the twinge of losing that peaceful vacation feeling check out how you are stepping away from being yourself.  Are you following someone else’s way of being?  Are caught up in the social pressures to conform?  Are you too busy to allow yourself to take a moment to rejuvenate? 

 

You may not even be able to answer these when you get back into the rushed, hectic, and stress inducing lifestyle you generally live in.  But these are the main things that stop the rejuvenated and peaceful feelings you had over vacation from being a part of your daily life when you get back.

 

To keep yourself rejuvenated, to stay true to your soul, to have peace and harmony for you and your family when you get back from vacation, ask yourself, “Does it really matter what those around me think of how I do things?”  Know in your heart that the way you run your house, raise your kids, and what you eat is for the best for your family. 

 

Make the changes in your daily life to be able to live with harmony with yourself.  For the next week pick one thing each day that you do because of outside pressure and change what you do, how you think about it, and why you do it, to follow your heart. 

 

As a parent it is essential to maintain your self-esteem, your inner peace, and live in harmony with your soul.  When you do this, you will be able to parent with purpose, passion, and integrity.

 

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One of the greatest difficulties I have with GEM Parenting is letting parents know help is simple, available, and (yes) inexpensive. 

 

Here is your chance to help your friends find GEM Parenting.  For the month of August each time you have five friends sign up for the Pearl Membership you will be able to choose any of the GEM Parenting podcasts as my way of thanking you for sending your friends to GEM Parenting.

 

And if you are the person who has the most friends sign up for the Pearl membership, you get to have a one 1 ½ hour teleclass designed just for you and your friends. 

All you need to do is click this link and fill in your friends’ names.  Then you can follow up with them to be sure they actually sign up.  But even if you don’t I will keep track of who has referred who and who has signed up.

 

Good luck and thanks for spreading the joys of GEM Parenting with others.

 

How do Serenity, Acceptance, Courage, Wisdom and Baseball Empower Your Parenting?

July 11, 2008 at 12:49 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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How do Serenity, Acceptance, Courage, Wisdom and Baseball Empower Your Parenting?


This is the last day of talking about the powerful Serenity Prayer.  If you are just joining today, please check back to Monday to read everything.  You know that when something has been around for a while it lasts because there is truth in it.  That’s the way it is with the Serenity Prayer.

 

Today we are going to talk about how the last line, “and the wisdom to know the difference.”

First you gained serenity.  This freed you to accept that you are a wonderful parent with little or no control.  Bu t with this freedom you gained the opportunity to have the courage to change what you can.  That is you. 

 

It is you who you have control over.  What you have the most control over is your attitude and your actions.

 

Today you get to have wisdom.  This is an integral part of being a positive parent.  With wisdom you let go of the daily grind.  You reverse the pull of time.  You use a new way of thinking, a new power to bring love and peace to your home.

 

Picture this in your mind-

The wise one-

Doing what they always do-

They are peaceful, tranquil,

Restful, and pleased with their surroundings.-

 

Now give them a cell phone,

Ipod, and appointments.

 

What happened to the wise one?

Did his or her hair stand on end?

What happened to the wise one’s body?

In my case it has slumped, and seems very rigid. 

 

Peace, tranquility, rest, and pleasure with surroundings are all gone.

The wise one does not exist in our minds with all our modern “conveniences.”

 

Now I use all those things.  I am communicating with the web right now.  But to be able to have wisdom and wireless life, I must be wise.  I keep my serenity.  I accept what I can’t change.  And I have the courage to do what is right for me- I am not owned by my web presence. 

 

For you as a parent, keep your wisdom.  Let the image you have of the wise one be yourself as you are right now. 

A wise person does not have all the answers.  But is willing to find them or let go of the need to find answers. 

A wise person does not control.  Life flows through and around them.  They give and receive freely.

 

I am going to put the Serenity Prayer together with baseball so you can understand how you can bring this power energy to your parenting. 

First you need to step up to the plate.  A baseball player will do certain things to get focused, to get other clutter out of his mind, to be serene.

Second, you need to decide to what to do.  With baseball there are two things that the batter does-they swing or they decide to not swing.  This is acceptance of what comes.  The baseball player must accept he can’t pick his pitch.

Third, when you swing you have to know that you are going to hit that ball right out of the ballpark.  Or you know you will bunt the ball.  Or you know you will not swing at all.  As a parent take courage in your decisions.  It is when you waffle that you strike out.

Fourth, no matter what you do there will be judgments, both good and bad.  There are two teams watching, lots of fans will glad and others will be down right mad.  But the ball player is wise to know this play is over.  He must instantly start on the next play- run, dodge, or sit down till the next up.

You see how this prayer can give you such strength to be the parent you are meant to be?

Let yourself have serenity, acceptance, courage, and wisdom as a parent.  As always I am here to help you on this journey. 

The best place to start is by putting in your comment here.  If you would prefer to have a private message then send it to grace @ GEMParenting.com

 

I wish you a weekend filled with love and peace.

Parent with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

Grace

Do You Have Courage To Stop Your Parenting Worries?

July 10, 2008 at 7:36 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Do You Have Courage Stop Your Parenting Worries?

Because you have put serenity and acceptance into your life, you now have the ability to add courage.  In the Serenity Prayer this is the “courage to change the things I can.” 

It makes perfect sense.  What do you need courage for except to change things that you can?  But that puts you back in that whole space of anxiety doesn’t it?  What can you change and how can you change it?  How can you make everything work out right?  You are back with all the overwhelming choices you had before.

You are now saying, “Grace, couldn’t we have just stayed with the serenity and acceptance part?”

I wish we could have, but parenting just isn’t like that.  Parenting has hills to climb, views to see, hills to go down, and valleys to visit.

You can look at each part of this journey as a hard and arduous.  The climb can be so difficult you are spent and huffing and puffing the whole way, you have no energy to notice the view.  Or you may have brought clouds with you and can’t find anything to see anyway.  You may be frightened going down.  And you may think of the valley as gloomy.

When you put serenity with acceptance that you cannot change some things, you give yourself the courage to change what you can. 

Parenting is a journey and there is nothing you can do about it!  But you can change how you parent and your attitude about your children.  You can change your values and morals. 

You can take a beautiful hike up the hill, and even if there are clouds at the top, you can always find something magnificent at the top.  It may be so small you have to really stop and wait for your eyes to adjust, but you can and will find wonder every step of the way.  On the way down you can completely change your attitude that down is equivalent to bad.  Why not think of down as a kid?  They love to roll down, or slide down in the winter.  Or on a trail they skip and jump.  And rather than think the valley is a place of gloom and despair, regard it as your sanctity.  The valley is your resting and refueling place.

 

When I go for hikes with my children, we go on the hike knowing there will parts that are hard.  On the way up we rest and have a bit of a snack about every hour-and I have been known to stop every twenty steps when its too difficult.  We do things to entertain ourselves.  We play rocks and roots.  We can only step on rocks and roots.  And the weather in the mountains can and does change, with our view being obliterated at times when we get to the top.  When this happens we rest, and my kids still find wonder and joy at being on the top.  The view is not the only thing up there for them.  The hike down is always filled with songs and more rocks and roots.  Often we are exhausted, holding hands and supporting each other.  But when we get to the bottom we are always glad to have gone on the journey.

Each and every part of the journey of parenting can be that way for you.  You can take the courage to bring strength, vitality, and passion to your parenting.

And the funny thing is, it is only you who can bring your courage to parenting.  Without your courage to change, you have to go on the same way you are now.

 

Take your courage today.  Know you have every right and privilege to be courageous.  If you have been courageous, please take a moment to give courage to others and write a comment.

Motivational Monday

July 7, 2008 at 12:55 pm | Posted in children, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, Self Esteem, spirituality | Leave a comment
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Wow what a great weekend I just had. I hope yours was great s well.  I spent time with family, went to the beach, hung out at home, did house projects, went to church at the beach and finished the weekend off with a trip to the Museum of Natural History in NYC with two of my kids and husband.  

This week I want to talk with you about how to use the eternal energy and spirit to reduce your stress and anxieties of parenting. 

Look at yourself.  Really take a good look.  Are you so overwhelmed that you can’t see your connection with all eternity?  Are you lost without any spirit or soul? 

Why am I asking this?  Because if you are parenting without any soul, spirit or connection with the eternal energy, then you are truly alone. 

And being alone as a parent puts you as risk of really srewing things up.  Not just for yourself, but for your kids as well. 

 You see with all the stress and anxiety that you are giving to yourself- yes you are giving this to yourself-then you are creating an atmosphere for your kids that almost forces them to look outside for approval.This is your best way to make your kids never be satisfied with themselves.

So for today I want you to think about the first part of the Serenity Prayer. 

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 


Courage to change the things I can;


And wisdom to know the difference.

 

When you use this prayer as part of your parenting you will see that you are part of a whole.  That what you do at this very moment will have little to do with your child as a whole. 

If you constantly try to make things happen, alter the way things are and distrust the world around you and most importantly distrust yourself, you will set yourself up for complete disappointment.

Now truly contemplate, meditate and pray the Serenity Prayer for your parenting.

Let us know how using the Serenity Prayer helps you today with you parenting.  Please add your comment in the comments section.

What’s the Big 4th of July Party About Anyway?

July 3, 2008 at 6:22 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents | Leave a comment
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Independence day is all about the big party.  And just what is the big party all about?  Summer fun, being together as a family, watching the fireworks, and all those good barbeque happenings. 

 But why and when did this big party really start?  Well, it wasn’t when they signed the Declaration of Independence.  It was after a bunch of wars and restarts to our government. 

 It was after a long time and lots of hard changes of how people thought about themselves.  Two hundred years ago most people were not able to understand that they were truly entitled to freedom.  That the pursuit of happiness was everyone’s right.  They believed that they were in this life and station by birth.  That there were not many options available to them or most anyone they knew. 

 We have come such a long way.  Now it seems most natural that we can pursue happiness and of course we are entitled to our freedom.

 Unfortunately, we have gone too far.  We now think we are entitled to happiness, and freedom is a basic need, like food, water, and shelter.

 These are not basic to being alive.  It is your privilege and responsibility to own these rights that are ours as Americans. 

 You have two ways to do this:

 First, with your kids, teach and guide them to cherish their independence and ability to pursue their happiness.  This is such a great treasure we often over look it as parents. 

 Second, no matter what your political views are, take the weekend to honor your country.  Let your heart and mind find the joy of being an American.  Fill your soul with replenishing freedom. 

 And then when you are involved with the big birthday party you can really understand and celebrate with your whole self.

 Have a great weekend.

 Grace

Terrific Tuesday

June 24, 2008 at 10:02 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, Terrific Tuesday, Tweens | 2 Comments
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Terrific Tuesday

 When you are confused as to what and why you do things with your kids you are very likely to be caught in the product side of parenting.  You are trying to figure out what will be the best thing for your kid in the long run.  You are so confused with all the offerings that are available.  You really can’t figure out what to do.  Except try and see what others are doing and hope that since so many others are doing something that it must a good thing.  But will it really be the right thing for your kids?

 Just writing about this makes me dizzy.  And for you who is in the muddle of it all- Please notice muddle is on purpose- you are more than dizzy.  You are up at nights wondering and worrying if you have it right.  What can you do better.  Which choice should you make?  What is the best for your family?

 

Well, rather than get in this ridiculous bind you are in, step out.  You are in the product mode. You are looking at parenting as a mode to get a result, a product. When you switch to the process mode the answers are easy.  The time in the process is enlightening, and although there are still many challenges in front of you, the challenges are invigorating rather than energy depleting.

Enough of that and onto some of my own personal real life examples of using process rather than product parenting. 

 

One of my daughters is a dancer.  She dances four days a week in lessons and many days out of lessons.  And I have two daughters who love to dance, but not quite to the same extent.  This past weekend we just had their recital. 

 The dancers from age three to twenty were instructed in the joy and beauty of dance through out the year.  The actual practice of the recital dances began in early April for some and not until May for others.  The studio chooses to teach dance rather than recital performance. 

 

 As the classes get done learning their recital dances each class and all parents, siblings, and whoever else is around watches the dances.  This is great fun.  The girls love to watch the other dancers and they love to dance for each other. 

 

 Yes, this takes some time away from the “instruction.”  But it also prepares everyone for the actual show. 

 

 When the actual show happens there is one dress rehearsal on the stage the evening before the recital.  And for the past three years that I have been part of this, the whole time is spent in the splendor of being dancers rather than showing a product that is being performed. 

 

 From the director to the babies, there is an atmosphere of pleasure, excitement, and the love of doing ones best, and of course dancing.

 

 Oh, I completely forgot the costumes.  Each dancer gets a T-shirt.  It is a coveted shirt, with a simple design on it.   The colors have been magenta, teal blue, and this year black.  Yep.  Everyone has the same basic costume.  Then they elaborate with old-fashioned dress ups!!! Or maybe simple home made tie die shirts.

 

 And you know what happens?  The dancers are dancers.  They are not a part of the show.  The dancers are the show.  It seems weird for many of you that not having glitzy costumes and practicing for months on a single performance piece would create anything but second rate dancers. 

 

But let me tell you otherwise.  I have been involved with dance studios as a mother for about twenty years.  And as a dancer myself for about ten years.  That makes thirty years of connections with dance studios.  And this is the dance studio that children- boys and girls- can love to dance.

 

 Why? They teach dancing through the process.  The product of a “show” is not the integral or even important part of the studio ethics.  They teach and dance for the sheer joy of teaching and dancing. 

 

 Although the studio’s main concern is not about the future of the dancers, their desire is to have the dancers love to dance, every year there are seniors who go ff to college majoring in dance, kids who spend the summer at highly coveted places such as The Boston Ballet, The Philadelphia Ballet, and Steps on Broadway.

 

The result of process teaching is to have kids love doing what they are doing AND the result turns out to be wonderful.  Even though t is not the actual goal.

Take the step out and use process for your parenting.  The result, product, will happen anyway, so why not enjoy the journey?  Have peace and know that you are giving your children the special gift of living and loving the moment- With that they will live a life with high self-esteem void of the panic and worry that you have.

 

 Grace

 

 PS the studio is called Ninth State Dance Studio

You can check them out at theninthstate.com

 

I would love to hear about something in your parenting that is process rather than product oriented.  it really helps others when you share!

 

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