Transcedent Tuesday: Stop Whining Children – Create High Self-Esteem

March 31, 2008 at 11:03 pm | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Transcendent Tuesday, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Presents Dr. Marilyn Heins

 
Dr. Heins is a Pediatrician, author, newspaper columnist, lecturer, wife, mother, step-mother, and grandmother.
Dr. Heins‘ advice balances the needs of the parent with the
needs of the child.
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 Why do young children whine?

What can parents do about it before the whining drives them crazy?

Young children whine to get attention and all kids whineWhining seems to be an “innate” behavior, sort of between crying and speaking. Kids come into this world with all the necessary equipment to cry and they are also programmed to learn language.  Every preschooler is entitled to a cranky day when he or she feels out of sorts and whines a lot. Such whining merely indicates that the child is having a bad day. However, chronic whining–the kind that drives a parent up the wall–is often unwittingly caused by the way parents react to the whining child.

THE BEST WAY TO STOP WHINING IS TO CHANGE RESPONSE BEHAVIOR IN THE PARENT.

Here are the Heins’ suggestions for dealing with chronic whining:

  • When your child whines, never give in to the child. Establish a firm rule: we do not give the child anything unless it is asked for in a non-whining tone of voice.
  • Be sure your child knows what you mean by whining and how it sounds. Role-play using a normal voice and a whining voice and ask the child to do the same.
  • Tell the child that whining hurts your ears. If the child can’t or won’t stop whining, the child will have to go the “whining place” (somewhere out of earshot) and stay there until the whining stops. Tell the child that it’s OK to whine as long as it’s done in the whining place where you don’t have to hear it.

The child can come out of the whining place as soon as the whining stops. The child controls the length of stay by controlling the behavior. (This is different from a time-out place where the child must stay until the timer goes off.) A whining place works for two reasons:

  1. The child does not get attention from the parents and 
  2. The parents do not have to listen to the obnoxious sound of a whining child.  

  • Try to prevent whining by keeping the child from getting overly tired or hungry.
  • Try to eliminate the child’s need to whine by really listening when the child properly asks for your attention.

Remember focused attention is a parent’s undivided attention to the child. And every child needs some of this focused attention every day. Often the “whining-est” households are the ones where parents use the phrases, “In a minute!” or “Not now, I’m busy!” many times a day. These are legitimate phrases to use on occasion, but don’t overdo it with a three year old. To a three year old, a minute is a long time.

I am personally convinced that whining is much less common among children whose parents provide brief, but intense and readily responsive, attention when the child needs it. This seems to “immunize” the child so that he or she is better able to resist the whining virus.

Dr. Heins

www.ParentKidsRight.com

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You can download this article by clicking on the link below

http://www.gemparenting.com/teleseminars/2008/040208-stop-whining-expert-heins-marilyn.pdf 

Enjoy your day!

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Motivational Monday: Whining Children

March 30, 2008 at 11:20 pm | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, Families, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Transcendent Tuesday, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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Hi and Welcome to GEM Parenting! 

If you have been a follower of our programs, you may have wondered where we were. Well, I have been doing what I do best.  I have been parenting my children through their winter activities.  You see my, children are high-level ski racers.  This means in the winter I am extremely busy with them.  Now we are winding down from that high level of activity and I can refocus on your family self-esteem needs, which is the other thing I do best.  I have to say I have really missed you over the past month.   

This week we will be talking about whining children.  I see whining children as an epidemic.  Everywhere you go children use this high-pitched tone to try and get what they want.  It is incredibly annoying as a parent to hear, and the behavior actually lowers your child’s self-esteem.  So with whining you have a double negative.  The simplest way to start to rid whining from your house is to have your child repeat what they want to say with a new tone.

Stop Whining Children – Create High Self Esteem

MP3 File

Join us for this week to learn why whining reduces your child’s self-esteem and how to eradicate whining from your child’s behavior.

                                            Stop Whining

Transcendent Tuesday:  Tomorrow we will have an exciting article.  You don’t want to miss it!

Wisdom Wednesday:  You will get an article directly from me with my personal twist of how to get rid of whining from your children and actually create a home with natural high self-esteem.

You can join GEM Parenting Secrets on Wednesday, at 4:00 p.m. EST, for the teleseminar Eradicate Whining from Your Children’s Behavior, and Create High Self-Esteem Behavior in its PlaceClick here for sign up and info.

For only $5.99 you can join this teleseminar and find out the best ways to stop whining in your children and have a family filled with high self-esteem.

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Thoughtful Thursday:  This is the day the podcast , Eradicate whining from Your Children’s Behavior, and Create High Self-Esteem Behavior in its Place, will be released to the public.  The podcast will not be available till Thursday.                                             

Focused Friday:  Send in your questions about whining children today so that we can give you feedback by Friday.  Email your questions to me at Grace@gemparenting.com.

Creative Crayon ClubCome join us for some activities and new products to help reduce whining in your children. Remember to sign up today for GEM Parenting Secrets. 

                     0704crayons_m.gif                     Happy Kids

Have a wonderful week!

Grace’s Signature

How To Rid Yourself Of Unwanted Weight

February 14, 2008 at 10:47 am | Posted in children, dads, Diet / Nutrition, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, spirituality, teens, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Lets just get down to the nuts and bolts of how to rid yourself of unwanted weight, which for many of you is quite easy.  The phantom puzzle piece that keeps eluding you is the piece on maintaining the results.

Maintaining the results is not so easy if you don’t know what to do. You may fall prey to the crazy ads and claims that feed off your emotions and not upon your ability to rationalize and determine for yourself what makes sense and what doesn’t.

What saddens me is not the tons of money being lost but the loss of self respect, confidence, and ability to know what is best for yourself in the perpetual effort to “lose weight now.”

As a lifestyle fitness coach, I know how important it is for you to maintain a healthy weight.  And as a woman, I know how important it is to feel confident and sexy within yourself, how your appearance reflects who you really are.  To stop hiding and bodaciously express yourself as if you were you nail color.  (I love that quote by Mary Foley)

So how are you going to find that phantom puzzle piece and finally place it in your weight loss/fitness puzzle to achieve your bodacious figure?

I have the solution!

  • First, it is important that you realize that doing just one thing rarely works for achieving lasting weight loss results.  It usually takes a combined effort of putting just the right puzzle pieces in place to get rid of unwanted weight and live a healthy, joyful lifestyle.  This isn’t rocket science, you probably familiar with a few of these but all you need is some tweaking.

A weight loss program needs to combine supportive mindful nutrition, focused daily exercise, a strong mental foundation, and an inner sparkle that ignites your motivation.

  • Second, is something that most women rarely do.  Believe it will happen!  When I interview women who have lost 50, 60, 80 pounds there is one common factor I see. They started believing in themselves, and visualizing themselves as a fitter, healthier, and happier woman.  Taking one pound at a time and celebrating their successes. 

Visualize yourself doing the things you love as the new you.  Start taking positive action that reflects who you really are.  Prevent yourself getting caught up in guilt, discouragement, worry, and frustration.  This always sabotages your efforts.

  • Third, watch your language!  “We are of what we speak” If you keeping speaking about how fat you are, you subconsciously sabotage your efforts and keep yourself fat.  I know…doesn’t that sound absolutely ridiculous!  But never under estimate the power of your thoughts, language and subconscious mind.  If you keep telling yourself how much you hate your fat thighs you must change your language.  Start expressing gratitude for all your thighs have done for you.  “My thighs are getting stronger and toner through my exercise efforts.  They allow me to glide effortlessly through the shopping mall or while I cross country ski and they help me lift my groceries out of the mini van.” 

Switch your thinking so that the language comes through in a more positive, uplifting compassionate way. Do this every day in conversation and inner self talk.

  • Fourth, look at your past diets and how they effected you not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually.  Most diets cause a backlash of intense emotions that drive women to binge after depriving themselves of what society calls “bad food.”  Diets cause a complete disconnection to the body and mind.  A person learns a mindless form of eating through exposure to one diet after another.  Diets alone have taught us not to live in the now but always look into the future.  As you diet, you look forward to the time when you can eat normally again.  Diets become an outside source of what to eat, when to eat, and how much.  Mindful eating on the other hand has been proven to have an 85% success rate because you learn to honor your hunger and reconnect body and mind to eat when hungry until satisfied.  This is normal eating, watch any two year old eat.  They will leave a half of an Oreo cookie on the counter and be totally content with one bite. How about you?

Reconnect your body and mind with food and listen to your inner biological cues for hunger and satisfaction.  Enjoy the chocolate chip cookie, taste it, smell it, swish it around in your mouth and enjoy the pleasure and feeling of it go down your throat.  You  just may notice that a couple bites are all you need.

Sign up today for Amy’s life changing course Self-Care Before Sit-Ups 10 Week Transformation by visiting www.selfcarebeforesitups.com  Learn how you can effortlessly eliminate excess weight for good and end the cycle of dieting and weight loss failure so that you can live a healthy, vital life full of joy and energy.

Listen to our informative podcast Self-Care Before Sit-Ups! podcast on how to bring health to you and your family today for only $5.99!

About the Author:
Amy Lundberg owner of Aim For It – Fitness Coaching LLC helps women build an inner foundation to find balance and to bring about a healthier fit body and lifestyle.  She has developed Self Care Before Sit-ups E-book and 10-week course.  Amy is a certified Intuitive Eating Coach, Personal Fitness Trainer and Lifestyle Fitness Coach.  Go to www.aimforfitness.com for more information and receive a free 45-minute consult to gain clarity on what is best for you in reaching and maintaining your goals.

Create Healthy Eating Habits that Actually Increase Your Children’s Self Esteem

February 14, 2008 at 10:14 am | Posted in children, dads, Diet / Nutrition, Families, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, teens, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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We are bombarded with messages everyday that imply we need to eat better, be more fit, and stay calm and happy.  And as a mom you have even more pressure on you.  You not only have to do this for yourself, but you have to do this for your family.  And you know at the moment it is a loosing battle. 

Or is it?  Is there a way to eat better, stay fit, and be calm and happy?  This is a pretty tall order.  I have three simple steps to begin teaching your family to have healthy eating habits.  What I am going to share with you is much more than habits actually.  They include how you think, how you act, and what you say.  These ideas will give you a new and lasting life style change for you and your children.

  • The first thing to understand is how your thinking can be detrimental to your family’s eating habits.  As parents it is our responsibility to be sure our children are eating well.  Yet there is so much out there that we know is junk, how can we separate the junk food from the healthy food? 
  • In your own thinking establish foods that you are comfortable with your kids eating.  With these foods in mind make a poster with your children that you can display in a prominent place in your kitchen. 

Here is a fun and interactive way to do this:

  • Have your children cut out as many pictures of food as they can find.  Have them put the pictures in two piles- Healthy foods and Not Healthy foods.  You will be surprised at what they come up with.  Some will be right on target and some will be way off.  After you have finished this part go through the pictures and talk about why each food is healthy or not.  A quick word or sentence is sufficient.  As you do this repile the pictures. 
  • Now get glue and poster board.  Glue all the healthy foods on the poster board.  Display in your kitchen. 
  • Explain to your children that these are foods that they can eat as much of as they want.  And point out the foods they love that are on the poster.
  • This gives everyone a concrete visual to help in healthy eating.  The visual will help your children think about healthy foods and you won’t need to be a nag. 
  • When your children ask if they can have something to eat, you can refer them to the poster.  This puts some responsibility on them.  If someone finds a new picture to add, by all means, add it on.

When you change the thinking dynamic to one of offering healthy foods that are not emotionally charged, you allow your children to maintain and develop intuitive eating habits.  You take pressure and stress of eating because everyone has the same poster and you made it together.

This also allows you to change your own inner negative recording that plays over and over in your mind.  You will no longer need to be depriving yourself you will be giving yourself the opportunity to create your own new message about food.

When you create a new message about food and eating that is simple, clear, and unattached to the past you will free your own self from negative self talk and thus increase you self esteem.

This is a starting point to create healthy eating habits and increase your family’s self esteem.

Focused Friday: Self-Care Before Sit-Ups

February 8, 2008 at 4:05 am | Posted in children, dads, Diet / Nutrition, Families, Focused Fridays, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, teens, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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JOIN our GEM Parenting Secrets Tele-class teaching the best holistic health practices with  Self-Care Before Sit-Ups.

If you ever battled frustration and silently screamed from failed weight loss attempts, poor health, and lack of will power you are not alone. Statistics indicate that dieting has a 95% failure rate!

When you participate in this life changing program you will:

  • End the cycle of dieting and weight loss failure!
  • Learn the number one sabotaging thought that destroys your progress
  • Put yourself first and still give 100% to your family
  • Discover fast simple easy strategies to gain more energy for your day to day activities
  • Replace “fat” habits with “lean” habits
  • Effortlessly eliminate excess weight

Join us on Monday at 5 pm on February 11, 2008 for this informative Self-Care Before Sit-Ups tele-conference on how to bring health to you and your family today for only $1.99!

Ready—Set—Read! Coaching Parents to Encourage Young Readers

February 7, 2008 at 3:57 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, spirituality, toddlers | Leave a comment
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Coaches Corner by Dr. Caron Goode of Coaching Parents

As we all know, reading is fundamental. Reading makes it possible for children to learn, grow, and discover the world around them.

There are four steps children take to becoming readers:

  1. In the first step, they are known as pre-readers. Pre-readers like to look at books and behave like a reader. In this stage, your child begins to understand how text works and can retell a story from memory.
  2. Next, she becomes an emerging reader. At this point, she is ready to be taught how to read. She begins to match written words to spoken ones, and can identify simple words in text.
  3. From here, she develops into an early reader. As an early reader, she is more confident of her ability and capacity to learn. She recognizes more words and understands their relationship to language sounds.
  4. The last phase is that of a fluent reader. The fluent reader can read a variety of materials and relate to the information.  Once your child reaches this stage, her reading foundation is in place.

Six Ways to Encourage Young Readers

1) Start With Language. Language sounds are the basis for reading skills. Children learn these sounds by listening to you converse. Every time you talk with your child you are strengthening this understanding. You can improve her sound recognition in a number of ways including: 

  • Telling stories
  • Asking questions
  • Singing songs
  • Playing word games
  • Pointing to words as you read them

2) Bring on the Fun. Story time should never be a boring time! Try your best to make reading together relaxing, enjoyable, and above all fun! Helping your child experience reading as a pleasure is as easy as:

  • Bring the story to life with dramatic inflection
  • Using different voices for different characters
  • Taking turns acting out the story
  • Choosing books filled with repetition so your child can “read” along
  • Making going to the library an adventure

3) Book Report. When you talk to your child about books, it shows her you place value on them. It also helps her strengthen her vocabulary, reading comprehension, and critical thinking. You can accomplish this by:

  • Talking about treasured childhood stories
  • Asking what type of books she enjoys most
  • Before reading a book, ask her to tell you a story based on the cover
  • Asking her what she would do if she were the main character
  • Asking her questions about the story and encouraging her to do the same

4)  Everyday Reading. There is a lot of reading involved in everyday living. Turn this fact into an opportunity to read out loud. This will help your child practice sound recognition and develop reading skills. You can do this when you:

  • Read road signs and billboards
  • Read food labels at the grocery store
  • Look up words in the dictionary
  • Read letters or emails
  • Refer to a written recipe while cooking

5)  Put on Your Listening Ears.  Just like talking about books, listening to your child read aloud shows you value reading. It also demonstrates that you believe in her abilities and support her efforts. When you listen, be sure to:

  • Show your interest and enjoyment
  • Listen without interrupting
  • Let your child figure out words on her own and learn from her mistakes
  • Take turns reading with beginners
  • Encourage her to listen to herself read 

6)  The 3 P’s—Patience, Praise, and Pride. As with everything, it will take your child a bit of time to develop her reading skills. Be patient as she reads, makes mistakes, and learns. Always demonstrate how proud you are of her accomplishments, and remember your praise means everything to her.

About the Author:  Caron Goode’s (EdD) insights are drawn from her fifteen years in private psychotherapy practice and thirty years of experience in the fields of education, personal empowerment, and health and wellness. She is the author of ten books (www.inspiredparenting.net) and the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents,(www.acpi.biz) a training program for parents & professionals who wish to mentor other parents. A mom and step-mom, she and her husband live in Ft. Worth, Texas. Reach her at carongoode@mac.com.

Wednesday Wisdom: Awareness Rather Than Fear

January 30, 2008 at 10:10 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, teens, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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Parents often teach their children to be fearful of dangerous situations.  This is an attempt to protect them from the immediate danger.   Unfortunately when you teach fear about one incident you also teach fear about life.  When you teach fear you are also teaching your child to be a victim.  This is a serious negative cycle you set up when you use fear to try to protect your children from danger!

How can you teach awareness rather than fear?  The first thing you need to do is understand the difference between fear and awareness.  Two weeks ago I saw a little girl skiing.  She fell and somersaulted down a steep pitch for about fifteen feet.  When she came to a stop her mother skied over to her and screamed, “Are you all right? My baby, my baby.  What am I going to do?  Help.  I need help!”  At the same time her aunt came over. She bent down, quietly asked the girl if she was all right.  Could she move?  When the girl wiggled and sat up the aunt gently hugged her.  And the mother was still in her panic, yelling for help.  The girl actually put on her skis and said to her mother, “I am really OK.  Aunty Sarah took care of me.”

This is a profound difference between using fear and awareness.  The mother used fear and the little girl never felt taken care of, while the aunt used awareness and the little girl new she was being taken care of.

When you teach basic areas of danger, the kitchen stove for example, teach your children that the stove is hot let them feel the heat that rises without actually touching anything or being burned.  To teach the dangers of traffic put some apples and oranges in the street- being careful yourself,  of course.  Explain that what happens to oranges and apples is what happens to children as well.  You are not scaring your child.  You are having your child be aware of the danger.

With older children is it not as necessary to be as concrete.  When talking to them about situations that can be dangerous, whether is be the internet, dating, sledding.  Be simple in your explanation of the danger.  Acknowledge its presence, but don’t dwell on it.  Use words that instill confidence and control.  Start with, “You may already know this.  As your parent it is my responsibility to be sure you understand the situation as well.”  This sets the tone to be educational rather than emotional.

One of the best indicators of using fear or awareness is to check and see if you are negatively emotional or sharing information.  If you are negatively emotional then you are instilling fear in your child.  If you are sharing information, teaching then you are using awareness.

Awareness will give your child the ability to think in critical and dangerous situations.  Most people who survive life threatening situations, whether induced by others or by accident, do so by having the ability to be aware of the situation and think of a solution.

Enjoy our Free Motivational Monday Podcast on Family Safety!

Transcendent Tuesday: Family Safety

January 29, 2008 at 12:38 am | Posted in children, dads, Divorce, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, parents, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, teens, toddlers, Transcendent Tuesday, Tweens | 1 Comment
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Is Hiding Our Heads in the Sand Really Working For Us?

By Kelly Rudolph
“Your Personal Safety Trainer™”

Many of us refuse to learn about safety out of fear, opting instead to hide our heads in the sand in denial. It is true that all of us are vulnerable to unscrupulous people just waiting to exploit our weaknesses. Attackers may be 4-year-old bullies in preschool, verbally abusive teens, co-workers or neighbors. They may be purse-snatchers, car jackers, rapists or murderers. When we take our heads out of the sand long enough to realize that they all have one thing in common that is easy to spot, we’ll all be safer…forever!

The attacker mindset is the same no matter who is attacking. In fact, we’ve all been attackers ourselves when we called someone a name or made a joke at someone’s expense. Gossiping and road rage are attacking as well. We tend to think of attacks as physical, don’t we? But domestic violence is always preceded by verbal abuse: name calling, demeaning comments, etc. This breaks down the intended victim’s confidence and self-esteem until they believe, in many cases, they deserve the physical abuse. Attacking can be physical, verbal, mental or emotional.

Understanding the attacker mindset often allows us to see an attack coming a mile away and at the very least avoid taking it personally. Did I say, “Avoid taking it personally?” It is a fact that attacks are not personal even if the attacker knows the victim. The reason someone attacks is simple. They are insecure, have low self-esteem, feel out of control of their own life and choose to control someone else in order to feel powerful again. It’s that simple. The pay-off is feeling powerful and it’s all about the attacker getting that reward. If the attacker chooses to attack someone he or she knows it might be because it’s easier if they already know which buttons to push. Remember attacks are all about the attacker, not about the victim. The victim is just a means to an end. This knowledge is vital to the healing process of survivors.

So hiding our heads in the sand prolongs our vulnerability and prevents us from gaining the necessary confidence that scares off cowardly attackers in the first place. Take control of your personal space, safety and life by holding your head up instead of burying it. 

Kelly Rudolph has taught thousands of men, women and children how to prevent themselves from becoming victims and how to defend themselves when necessary. www.SurviveSD.com

Enjoy our Free Motivational Monday Podcast on Family Safety!

Also, GEM Parenting Secrets will be at 4:00 pm est.  This is a live session where we will discuss strategies to create safety and comfort for your family, how to implement the startegies, and how using the strategies will raise your family’s self-esteem.  Sign up at GEMParenitng.com with our special guest Kelly Rudolph of Survival Self Defense!    Each person that enrolls will receive a Free Personal Safety Secrets Action Guide to help implement your families safety action plan!

Just think…for less than a trip to McDonalds (only $7.99), you can make your family safer!

Motivational Monday: Family Safety

January 28, 2008 at 2:54 pm | Posted in children, Families, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, Safety, Self Esteem, teens, toddlers | Leave a comment
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This week we will be talking about family safety.  It is important when creating safety in you family to distinguish between having your children be aware of dangerous and unsafe encounters rather than being fearful of them.  With awareness comes confidence and high self-esteem, with fear comes confusion and low self-esteem.

Enjoy our Free Motivational Monday Podcast on Family Safety!

Tomorrow we will be providing an article related to family safety with tips on how to increase your family’s level of safety with out spending tons of money or time.

Wednesday I will offer an article with tips and skills on how to build your family’s safety factor and increase their self-esteem at the same time. 

Also, GEM Parenting Secrets will be at 4:00 pm est.  This is a live session where we will discuss strategies to create safety and comfort for your family, how to implement the startegies, and how using the strategies will raise your family’s self-esteem.  Sign up at GEMParenitng.com with our special guest Kelly Rudolph of Survival Self Defense!    Each person that enrolls will receive a Free Personal Safety Secrets Action Guide to help implement your families safety action plan!

Just think…for less than a trip to McDonalds (only $7.99), you can make your family safer!

Thursday will be the release of the podcast:
Using Awareness Rather than Fear to Teach Safety and Increase Your Family’s Self-Esteem.

Friday will be Q&A.  I will answer up to three questions concerning family safety.  To send in your question write to grace@gemparenting.com with the subject line as Q&A.  I will need these by Wednesday.

Saturday will be Creative Crayon Club.  We will provide activities related to family safety as well as some other activities that are just plain fun to do.

Hope you can join us as the week unfolds.  And if you have a burning question concerning family safety why not e-mail it in right now at grace@gemparenting.com!

Focused Friday: “I Said No!”

January 25, 2008 at 2:54 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, teens, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Question #1:

Whenever I try to say no to my children my husband always gets in the way and lets them do whatever they want.  So how can I be in charge and say a simple no and have them listen to me.

GEM PARENTING ANSWER:

First you need to have a chat with your husband.  Explain to him that you are starting a new phase for yourself and the family.  You want to be sure the children are able to understand that life has choices and limits, and to have respect for each other as a family.

You do not need to talk with him about how he is disrupting your ability to say no.  You need to share with him all the advantages of your children being able to understand, respect, and handle no with ease and comfort.

Then as you begin to say no, clue your husband into this.  Let him know you are going to say no. 

And for goodness sake don’t be the only one to say no.  Choose times to let your husband say no.  Be specific:  Say. “I am going to let your father tell you no this time.”  And be sure to say this when you know your husband wants the answer to be no.

When you say no and he tries to over ride you respond with, “I know your father really loves you to be able to do what ever you want, but unfortunately I have already said no, so we will have to stick with that.”  You will create your own respect this way. 

Use “no” with a calm voice, a gentle tone and relaxed body language.

*******************************************

GEM Parenting Question #2:

I have one child who will always abide by my rules but the other one just won’t listen!  I have to really scream and yell to get her to understand “no”.

GEM PARENTING ANSWER:

First you may be dealing with a sibling rivalry situation, which will be dealt with during the week of Feb. 25 to March 1.  Hope you will join us.

Second, it is important to have both your children accept that you are in charge.  But when you say “abide by my rules” I am hearing control with power rather than control with respect.  I want you to change your feeling of personal respect.

You can have your children do what you want them to do with giving them respect.  As you give more respect you will be stepping out of the ring of the  power struggle. 

Be firm.  Remember not only figuratively step out of the power struggle.  Do it for real.  Step away.  Take the deep breaths.  And remain calm.

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