Positive Intervention for Mom of Lying Teen

May 27, 2009 at 10:39 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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When you go through parenting you have times when your child is somehow completely out of connection with you.

How can you be able to intervene, give positive guidance, and know what to do about your child’s dis-connection?

Read on to see what I say to Gloria

Question from Gloria:

First of all thank you so much for continually reaching out to us mother’s.
One of my biggest problem is I cannot trust my 13 yr old son.  He lies so many times and I don’t know when he is telling the truth.
Please give me some intervention.




When a child lies it really hits our core as a mother.
I will be glad to address this issue.

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.”  ~Honoré de Balzac

When most people read this they think that this is what mothers do for their children.  And of course we do.  But I want to add here that you give this thing called forgiveness to yourself.

When you find that your son has lied, the first thing you do is forgive yourself.  Let it be clear to you that you have tried and are trying your best.   When you let yourself be free from the punishments I assume you are giving yourself then you can go the next few steps.

Have you forgiven yourself?  It’s not easy, but do that for real – out loud – before you go on to the next step.

You say, “I forgive me for the lying that my child has done”

Next you use all your power to forgive your child.  This is not to say accept, ignore, or wash away the lying.  When your son is lying to you over and over, he is reaching out to have something changed.  Yet you have no idea.  And he may not have any idea what needs changing.

When you find your son has lied say, “I forgive you for lying to me.”
Each and every time.  This intervention shows that you do care about your son.

Then say: “When you are ready you can tell me why you lied.”

Now is the hard part -TRUST-

You have to trust your love.  Give full strength and power to your love.  Trust your love…
then speak, look away, cry, maybe even yell.

But do nothing till you know you are forgiving and loving both yourself and your son.

I had a daughter who lied to me for a few years.  It took all my energy and strength to try and fight this lying.  But when I gave up the fight and forgave myself for what I could not control only then could I begin to forgive her.

The forgiveness I gave her, over and over, let loose the love that was hiding behind trying to force her to be honest with me.

She did not stop lying the first time.  It took a while.  But as I forgave both of us, and let my love to her flow, I stopped punishing her, I began to see why she was lying, and I was able to help her to pass this stage with a few growing scars, but nothing permanent.

What was she missing?  As she was changing from child to teen and I had more children she needed to know that I loved her as much as the others.

It turns out what she needed most was forgiveness and love.  With these came her renewed natural high self esteem.

Be a parent with passion, purpose, and integrity,
Forgive yourself, forgive your son, and trust your love,



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You Scream, They Scream, We all Scream for Not Ice Cream

October 14, 2008 at 12:37 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, Terrific Tuesday | Leave a comment
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Hi its Terrific Tuesday.  Get a handle on how to get a bit of love back into your parenting.

Your problem is you know that you are supposed to love your children.  And now you have Grace pointing out that you may in your heart love them, but you know you are not loving them in action.  You are hating them, or mothering, or just plain life.  

Today take a five minute break from your hating.  Get a picture you love of your children.   One that only brings pleasure, peace, joy, and happiness to you.  It must be a strong feeling.  Just look at the picture for five minutes.  Feel the love.  Let it envelope you.  Try it on as a scarf around your neck, a shawl draping over your shoulders.  Let the love be yours for these five minutes.

When the time is up, go back to what you were doing.  And when you are hearing your children scream, when you are shouting back, block out what you are actually seeing.  Have a little hallucination of the picture you were looking at.  This will give you just a speck of time to regroup and try to talk with a bit of love in your feelings.

When you talk with love this does not mean giving in.  You can be very firm with love.  You can be understanding.  Yet you are the parent and can love your children to good behavior.  

When they are demanding, bratty, spoiled, unruly give them limits.  Speak over and over this phrase, “I understand that you don’t want to and that’s OK.”  Say it, say it, say it.  You can’t say it too much.  

Now go get your picture, lock yourself in the bathroom with it and feel the love for five minutes.  And for the rest of the day remember to say, “I understand that you don’t want to and that’s OK.”

Can You Accept Being a Great Parent Without Control?

July 9, 2008 at 7:13 am | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, parents, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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As a parent you need to understand that you are in control of your child and at the exact same time you are as far removed from your child as an elephant in Africa. 

You have an obligation as a parent to set up the most caring home you can:  A home filled with love, positive guidance, and morals and values that you believe in.  But as you know, this is a task that causes great anxiety.  You are so stretched to your limits of parenting that some times you lose sight of how to create this home. And you trudge along hoping everything will be good in the end.

The saddest part of this picture is that often things turn out fine in the end.  But the journey has been so difficult and so arduous that it hardly seems to matte any way.

What you want is to find a way to know the end of the journey is going to be good and at the same time to enjoy and relish your time as a parent.

Yesterday we talked about being granted serenity.  If you have not reached any moments of serenity then you need to think of how you are trying to get it.  If there is any begging, neediness, or whining for it, you are can try being more gentle with yourself and with your eternal energy.

Today we are going to talk about “accepting the things I cannot change.”  Every moment that we are alive we are out of control.  We cannot truly control anything or anyone. 

When you look at life this way you can let go of the things that bug you, drive you crazy, and keep you up at night.  Know that you can not actually change things.  Know that change happens, and reactions happen to what you do. 

How does this kind of thinking change your parenting?  As a parent you may have been trying to set everything up to be just perfect, or even as nearly perfect, as you are humanly capable of doing for your family.  This of course is well and good. 

The problem comes because of all the glitches.  And these glitches, large and miniscule, gnaw at your insides, put overwhelm in everything you do- from breathing to actually reading a story to your children.

When you “accept the things I cannot change” you no longer have to be in control.  You now have the privilege to see yourself as one who influences, who guides, and can set things in motion.  But the weight of perfection is gone.

You are a wonderful parent filled with love and caring.  Remember you have serenity.  Now with accepting that which you cannot change, you have freedom to truly love and cherish your children. 

Loving and cherishing your children is the number one best thing you can do to set the motion for your children live the most fantastic life they can.  And it starts today!

Accept the things you cannot change.  Put serenity into its proper place in your parenting.  And see how the nagging, headache causing stresses that surround you and your children begin to evaporate.

You are welcome to share your acceptance of the things you cannot change and how that freed you to love and cherish your children. 

If you have a major acceptance please share, and if you have something that is so trivial and insignificant please share that as well. 

Everyone needs to hear how you are able to use this information.

As always, Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity.



Creative Crayon Club: Christmas Crafts

December 8, 2007 at 11:59 pm | Posted in children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Holidays, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Welcome to the Creative Crayon Club!

There are three wonderful Christmas craft ideas here to give you some much needed time with your family and relieve the stress of Christmas!  Enjoy.


Hanger and Christmas Cloth Wreath

You need:

  • Wire coat hanger
  • Yard of Christmas cloth
  • Bag to keep cloth strips in
  • Scissors

To do:
Tear the cloth in strips about 2 inches wide.  This is great fun for little hands.  You can start the tears and then you child can rip the rest.  Or you can each pull from different sides.

  • Save one strip to be long.
  • Cut or tear the strips to be about 4 inches long. 
  • Put them in the bag right now.
  • Bend the coat hanger into a circle.
  • Take the long strip and cover the hook.
  • You may need to do this with little ones. 
  • To secure hold the strip over the end of the hook. 
  • Wrap the strip around the end and work back to the circle part of the hanger.
  • To secure the other end tie small strips over this end.
  • Tie each small cloth strip around the coat hanger
  • Do this until there is no space left to tie strips.

You can do this just about anywhere.  If you are going to do this out and about use a cloth bag so the hanger won’t split the plastic or paper.

Hand Print Christmas Tree

You need:

  • Poster Board
  • Green paint
  • Red Paint
  • Large paint brush
  • Christmas Stickers and star stickers
  • Paper towels
  • Newspaper

To do:

  • Have poster board flat on paper towels where it can stay for a few hours.
  • Paint your child’s hands.
  • Place the painted hands to make prints.
  • Start at the top with one print and work down making it wider with each row.  You know the shape of a Christmas tree

Use the red paint to write Merry Christmas

Use the paper towels to dry hands before leaving work area.

Let tree dry completely
Add stickers for tree decorations and presents under the tree.

Clove Orange and Apple

You need:

  • One naval orange or Macintosh apple
  • Several bottles of whole cloves
  • Yard of Christmas ribbon

To do:

  • Cut ribbon in half
  • Tie two pieces together in middle
  • Tie ribbon around orange/apple so it has not at bottom and not at top with loose ends to hang it with.
  • Push cloves in the arrange/apple
  • Keep them slightly apart. 
  • As the orange/apple dries out it will shrink

Hang –it will smell wonderful!

If you have a favorite Christmas activity that you do with your children and family, then please share with us!

For more information about how to use holidays to boost natural self-esteem or to learn about natural self-esteem go to feel free to contact Grace E. Mauzy at grace@gemparenting.com.

Thoughtful Thursday: Don’t Get Snowballed by Christmas

December 6, 2007 at 11:42 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, Holidays, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Welcome to Thoughtful Thursday!

Todays Thoughtful Thursday podcast “Don’t Get Snowballed by Christmas” is about how to have joy for the Christmas Season while keeping your wallet intact, your waist line the same, and having simple fun that leads to building high self-esteem in your family.  

Preview of the Thoughtful Thursday audio release at Thoughtful Thursday:  Don’t Get Snowballed by Christmas.

Get your copy of “Don’t Get Snowballed by Christmas” today and enjoy the joy of the Christmas season again!

FREE 8 PODCAST SERIES: “7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats!”  In this FREE Audio Parenting Series, you’ll learn the tested methods and strategies that produce the behavior your heart desires from your children.

Crayon Color Club: Advent Calendars for Gifts!

December 1, 2007 at 4:06 am | Posted in Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Holidays, moms, Mothers, relationships, Self Esteem, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Two Advent Calendars to start your Christmas season.  Here is a printable copy of this activity:  Advent Calendars!

1.  Advent calendars.  I have two fun ides.  The first is great if you have some candy around (especially old Halloween candy)

  • You need two pieces of heavy paper, green markers or crayons, 24 candies for each child, tape or glue gun
  • Cut the papers in the shape of a Christmas tree
  • Color one green.
  • On the green paper cut 24 window flaps.  ONLY CUT THREE SIDES. 
  • Number each window with 1-24. So it shows on the green side
  • Now place this over the other paper.
  • Mark where the windows are with light pencil on the plain tree. 
  • Glue or tape the candies on each marked place on the plain tree. 
  • Place the green tree over the plain tree.
  • Tape the edges of the two papers together.

There you have your own advent calendar.  (You open each window everyday before Christmas ending on Dec 24.)

If you want to get a bit fancier you can add some lines of the story of Christmas to this.

  • Before you start the trees with your kids write or copy a short story of Jesus’ birth with each line separate from each other.  You can only have twenty-four lines. 
  • Number the lines in order. Cut these out and fold them up. 
  • Tape them to the candies. 
  • Proceed with the directions above. When you open each window you have the story. 
  • Have another piece of paper to tape these lines to so you can soave the sory and read the whole thing Christmas eve.

One more idea you can have these lines NOT in order and have your children put them in order as they get a new one each day. 

If you have more than one child you can have the story lines be in multiples of 24.  And spread the story between your children.  Have a large piece of paper where you can tape the story lines as you go.  If the lines are not in order you may want to keep them in an envelope to put together on Christmas Eve

2.  The other Advent Calendar is a paper chain.  It is simple to make and especially helps younger children to understand how long it is till Christmas comes.  The simplest way is to have red and green paper.  Cut these into 24 strips total.  Make a chain using tape or glue sticks.  Each day tear off a loop of the chain.

For older children they can add decorations to the chain.

For a more elaborate idea write the title of a Christmas song on each loop and when you remove the loop sing the song.  This is really FUN.  You can repeat the songs if you don’t know 24.  And if you have more than one child you can put the same songs on all the loops.  This makes for some fun Christmas caroling.

For more information about how to use holidays to boost natural self-esteem or to learn about natural self-esteem go to feel free to contact Grace E. Mauzy at grace@gemparenting.com.

Focused Fridays: Sister Competition

November 30, 2007 at 11:23 pm | Posted in dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Holidays, moms, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Focused Friday Question:

I understand that Christmas is supposed to be about joy and Jesus and all that, but I really have a hard time getting past the present giving stuff.  I have two kids and my sister has two kids.  They are all about the same age.  She goes out and gets all kinds of fantastic things.  And lots of them.  There wouldn’t be anything wrong with that except that she makes sure we count how many presents we are giving to each of our children and how much we spend.  If I get less or spend less then she makes comments like, “I guess you just don’t really care about my kids since you are getting less for them than I am for yours.”  I would like to get her kids presents that I think are special for them.  I don’t want to be in this seeming contest.  But I don’t know how to get out.  This is my Christmas Crunch– Keeping up with my sister.

GEM Parenting Answer: 

Thanks so much for this question.  For many there is some under lying need to be sure that gift giving is reciprocated equally.  This means, “I get as much as I give.”  And that defeats a basic concept of high self-esteem.  To help you with your situation of the gift giving competition I have three suggestions.  But first I want to let you know about my sister.  She is the most generous person I know.  I am blessed with her.  For every present I give her family she probably gives my family four or ten.  No joke!  But the difference between my sister and yours is that my sister has never made me feel like we are in a competition.  And I want to let you know how you can get out of the competition and enjoy your sister’s generosity.

  • The first thing to do is to change your own mindset.  If you think of this as a competition it will be.  It is that simple.  If instead you decide to think of your sister differently, the competition will end.  Your sister cannot compete with you if you do not compete with her.
  • The second thing I want you to do is also a mindset change, but with some action added.  Each time your sister gives you the guilt trip about not being as good as she is change that around.  First, in your thoughts, decide that your sister is generous.  As you receive gifts for your family imagine she has done it for the love that she has for your children.  Then tell her how wonderful she is and you are always blown away by her generosity. 
  • The third thing is to allow yourself to be yourself.  I know this sounds funny, but for your own self-esteem I want you to give yourself the gift you deserve and want.  Choose the presents for your sister’s children with all the care and selectivity you want.  Be thrilled that you can give them what you do.  And every time your sister starts in with a competition you are now ready with three ways to step out of the way. 

When you change your mindset and actions to display gratitude for the gifts and appreciation of your sister you raise your own self-esteem.  You no longer need to worry about how you compare to others.  You are just fine as you are.  Not only do help yourself but also you help your children understand that gift giving and receiving is a process. And to give and receive with pleasure is the best way.

Now have fun getting the presents you want to get.  Enjoy the generosity of your sister.  And have a wonderful holiday.

Thoughtful Thursday: Avoiding the Christmas Crush!

November 29, 2007 at 11:33 pm | Posted in dads, Families, Holidays, moms, Mothers, Self Esteem, siblings, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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In our Thoughtful Thursday, GEM Parenting presents the podcast Avoidng the Christmas Crush.  This podcast outlines how you can have a wonderful Christmas season without fatigue, media pressure, feeling overwhelmed or inadequate. How you can have the attitude and joy that everyone else envies!

Preview of the Thoughtful Thursday audio release at Thoughtful Thursday:  Avoiding the Christmas Crush

Get your copy of Thoughtful Thursday:  Avoiding the Christmas Crush today and start to feel thankful for the spirit of Christmas again!

FREE 8 PODCAST SERIES: “7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats!”  In this FREE Audio Parenting Series, you’ll learn the tested methods and strategies that produce the behavior your heart desires from your children.

Motivational Monday: Family Thanksgiving with Thankfulness

November 19, 2007 at 10:56 pm | Posted in dads, Families, Holidays, Mothers, Motivational Monday, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Welcome to Motivational Monday!

As a matter of fact, our first  Motivational Monday!  In celebration of Thanksgiving and our first Motivational Monday, GEM Parenting will focus on using self-esteem to teach thankfulness and helping parents handle the holiday stresses. 

Motivational Monday: Family Thanksgiving with Thankfulness encourages parents, both moms and dads, to inspire their children to high achievement and productivity using a healthy sense of self-esteem!

Ready for your Monday dose of courage to get through the week (and the Thanksgiving holiday?). 

Motivational Monday: Family Thanksgiving with Thankfulness is one click away!

Preview of the first Thoughtful Thursday audio release at “Thanksgiving: The Gentle Holiday.”

Get your copy of “Thanksgiving: The Gentle Holiday” today and start to feel thankful for the blessings of Thanksgiving again!

FREE 8 PODCAST SERIES: “7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats!”  In this FREE Audio Parenting Series, you’ll learn the tested methods and strategies that produce the behavior your heart desires from your children.

Children and Family

Discipline Your Kids Using Self-Esteem

November 16, 2007 at 5:31 am | Posted in dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Mothers, Self Esteem, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Parents struggle every day with disciplining their kids.  If you are confused about the ways to discipline your kids, then you are in a group of millions of parents.  Discipline ranks among the top 5 Parenting Concerns. 

If you are ready for proven methods of Disciplining your Children, then get your FREE copy of GEM Parenting’s exclusive 8 podcast audio series, “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!”

Discover proven GEM Parenting secrets:

  • How to get your children to do what you want without resorting to bribery, manipulation, or coercion.
  • When to NOT take a strong, hard-line approach with your son or daughter – doing so at the wrong time can spell disaster.
  • Simple secrets to get your kids to behave better – even if everything you’ve tried thus far has been a failure.
  • Why traditional methods of parenting fail and how to stop being confused about what’s best for your children.
  • How to build and keep a loving, respectful relationship with your kids (just like the one you’ve always dreamed of).
  • Plus, these techniques will become second-nature; simple to use, and they intuitively motivate your children to their best behavior, moral clarity, and high levels of achievement.

Don’t wait.  You really have nothing to loose!  Get your completely FREE copy of  “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!”

Also, don’t forget:  Preview of the first Thoughtful Thursday audio release at “Thanksgiving: The Gentle Holiday.”

Get your copy of “Thanksgiving: The Gentle Holiday” today and start to feel thankful for the blessings of Thanksgiving again!

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