Why I Have Trouble Valuing What I Do

November 21, 2010 at 9:39 am | Posted in attitudes, New York Marathon 2010 | 1 Comment
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As a girl I had one absolute irresistible interest.  I loved babies.  This wasn’t overwhelming.  There was nothing I needed to do to love babies.  I just saw them and loved them.  I did become one sought after baby sitter!  Simply because I loved babies.

As I matured, I took this passion to school with me.  I studied about babies, in high school, in college, in my master’s program.  I studied every self-help book I could find.  Now I was the baby expert as well as the lover of babies.  Then I got to be a mom of my own babies, the absolute joy of my life. There was nothing that filled my entire soul more than being a mom.  I carefully had my babies spread out, four years or more between each one, so I could totally relish in each and every baby.

It was obvious to those around me that mothering was not just a thing I did.  Mothering filled every moment of my living and breathing. It filled my awake hours, my sleeping hours, and my other than reality self.  This is that self that is real but not tangible.  It is not connected with time or age.  Maybe it’s the soul or spirit part.  It’s what makes us more than automatons.  Anything that has personality has it.

I was/ am a unique and wonderful mom.  I follow my heart, insist my children live and follow their passions.  There is nothing that gets in the way of my mothering.

Yet, I am not one of those moms who is obnoxious or over bearing.  I don’t get caught up in guilt trips by my kids, by other family members, by friends, or society.  I can be the amazing mom I am simply by being my fullest and most joyful self.  My girls, their friends, and those I work with professionally, know that when I am with them I am one hundred percent with them.  My interest in what they do, think, have, where they holdback, what they excel in, is completely genuine.  There are no barriers, shutters, blinders, or lights only on specific things.

Now here’s the thing that I do that is different from what you hear you are supposed to do.  You hear you are supposed to be fully present to those around you to really get a deep understanding of them.  But that’s totally false.  To really be able to have that deep connection and understanding of those around you, you absolutely have to be completely present with your self.  If you are distracted with whom you are then there is little or no chance you are going to get it about anyone else.

But this post isn’t about you becoming present to others; it’s really about why I have trouble valuing what I do.  And it may be why you have trouble valuing what you do.

So here’s the thing.  I know how good I am at what I do- personally as a mom to my four daughters and one stepdaughter, and professionally with the young female athletes I work with, and my other clients who are becoming their own personal best.  Everything in my life is connected, centered, and joyfully executed around doing what I personally excel in.

So where is the value?  Isn’t there supposed to be hardship, difficulty, real work involved with things that have value?  I mean it’s OK to spend some time doing enjoyable things, but one’s whole life?  Doesn’t that make you (really me) be some how selfish and shallow?

If you know me in any capacity you know this is complete fantasy.  If anything, I am so rock solid and genuine that I scare off people who feel they need and want fluff and scattered energy around them.

So back to value- When I ran the New York Marathon 2010 everyone I know was impressed.  I was impressed.  Does that give running this marathon or any marathon value?  Of course there is hardship, difficulty, and real work involved with being able to run a marathon.  But this in and of itself did not give anyone else or me value from my running.  I got my value from my running because I put my heart and soul into being able and ready to run 26.2 miles at my own personal best.  And others around me soaked up this attitude and energy.  They got value from me because I created the value simply by following my joy.

You see the value does not come from the work or sacrifices.  The people in concentration camps have been made to do terrible work; they have had to sacrifice many amenities.  But no one will ever say that there was value in their work or sacrifices.  People who grudgingly go off to work or school everyday don’t bring value to what they are doing.  People are unaware of their outcomes, good or bad.

One reason marathon runners impress others is that they can only do the marathon by being fully present for months on the task of getting ready.

And this is what gives a marathon and its runners value. It is not only the actual day of running 26.2 miles.  The value comes because we all know there is something much deeper and much more encompassing than the one day of the race.

It’s the focus, the dedication, the absolute determination of overcoming the obstacles.  But it’s way more than that.  It’s the personal joy that is interspersed throughout.  And that is why I have trouble valuing what I do-

Because everything I do has joy in it there must not be value. I don’t work hard, I don’t suffer or sacrifice in any way.  Sure I put in huge amounts of effort in everything I do, I even struggle to get things done.  I have a car we call the Toasted Marshmallow- It’s a white mini van with over 200,000 miles and rust spots.  But these are not work or sacrifices. These are easy choices so my family and I have and do what we want.

But here is the reality.  Because everything I do has joy in it, everything I do has the most intrinsic full value that exists.  And that’s why it’s hard for me to know it has value.  Value is the corner stone foundation to everything I do.

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Rejuvenate Yourself this Thanksgiving

November 25, 2008 at 10:50 am | Posted in Families, Holidays, parents, Self Esteem, spirituality, Terrific Tuesday | Leave a comment
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Good Morning 

 

It is Terrific Tuesday.  Two days before Thanksgiving.

Are you focusing on your thankful thought?

Have you had a chance to see how this one thing is connected to your soul and spirit?  As you go through the readying for our national sacred holiday, it is important to allow yourself to have the joy of being alive, of being a parent, to step out of the box and let the confines that have help you to a life with anxiety, frustration, and overwhelm to melt away.

 

Every culture, civilization, and religion has a structured period of time for giving thanks.  This process of giving thanks is an integral part of being human.  We are hard wired to give thanks.  The funny thing is that without the structure of holidays and formal routines many of us let go of giving thanks. 

 

This year put all your energy into giving thanks.  When you give thanks from your deepest emotions to your lightest thoughts to your fleeting insights, you rejuvenate yourself.   That’s a big part of what this whole Thanksgiving thing is about-rejuvenation.

 

Today my family is going shopping for food, and if you were able to read yesterday’s email you will know that food is my focus this year.  As we get each item I will give thanks for our food.  I will use the symbols of food, and the dishes we make, to bring me in connection with my true thankfulness.  I will regain my own perspective of why I live and parent with the intensity I do.  I will let the overwhelm, anxiety, and stress of the year gently float off my back.

 

I want you to use the process of Thanksgiving to rejuvenate yourself.  Let your tensions go.  Know who you are.  Rejoice and give thanks.  Allow the love and support from yourself and others to permeate you this Thanksgiving.

 

Have terrific Tuesday,

And

Parent with Passion, purpose, and Integrity,

 

Grace

 

Wisdom Wednesday: Let Your Joy Out! The Joy of Parenting

June 10, 2008 at 11:09 pm | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, Family Time, GEM Parenting Secrets, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, respect, Self Esteem, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | 2 Comments
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Joy in life can be so fulfilling.  And joy in parenting can change the whole thing from a chore, an overwhelming confusion, an energy depleting life style to one with confidence, ease of making decisions, and feeling energized day in and day out.

Each morning I have a special routine to wake up my children.  I simply love how I wake them up.  And it is filled with joy.

The first child I wake up, who is the youngest, I give her kisses and kisses and kisses.  All over her adorable cutie pie face.  It never fails. We just love each other.  And there is nothing that stops the joy of being her mother when I do this. 

The next child is the teenager- a slightly Oh so much more difficult task.  I ease us into this.  I give her a gentle message.  I start with her head, do her neck and shoulders, her back and finish with her legs and feet.  And this is not a deep thorough message- it is truly an awakening.  And we both are full of joy from this simple routine. 

I save the hardest for last.  She is my sleeping angel.  And it is very hard for her to go from being asleep to being awake.  She has a special stuffy ( stuffed animal if  you did not know)  that helps to wake her up.  Lambie talks with her, hugs her, and asks her take to the bathroom and get her dressed.  (Just in case you don’t know this, I talk for Lambie.)  My sleeping angel gets to wake up to be in her imaginary world before she hits the real world.  Waking up is peaceful and you guessed it, full of joy.

My eldest daughter is now an adult on her own, but we had a routine that I still do when she comes to visit- and she does with her self most mornings.  I say good morning to each part of her- The same pattern as the message, but this is just a touch with me saying good morning head, good morning ears, good morning eyes, etc.

So each morning starts with joy.  No yelling, panicking.  And then we can get on with what the day has to offer.

Now guess how long all this takes?  With three kids I can be finished in ten minutes, or of course I can take a full half hour.  The choice is simple for me.  I can do that tension filled, pushy, anxiety filled that we are not going to be ready on time wake up- probably taking ten to fifteen minutes from the time I say get up to when the last is actually up- or I can do my routine.  Which would you pick?

Now if you want to start a better joy filled morning routine tell your kids you are going to do it.  And let them know that you are absolutely going to do this.  Be calm, firm, and realistic.  It will take both you and your kids some time to get from that state you are in now to what I do.  I have faith in you.  Try it a lot.  Let your joy out.  Be proud of it.  Let your joy engulf you.

Motivational Monday: The Joy of Parenting

June 10, 2008 at 8:32 am | Posted in attitudes, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Self Esteem, Thoughtful Thursday, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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The first thing I want to give you is a great big Welcome to GEM Parenting.  Have you come to GEM Parenting with anxiety about your children, worries about how to discipline them, and with a heart ache because you really thought being a parent would have some joy in it? 

One of the most over looked and least understood areas of parenting is the joy.  When you find joy in parenting your anxieties and worries seem to drift away.  You are aware of how and what to do. 

Parents that I have led to their own joy of parenting have been able to introduce positive intervention, live with high self-esteem, and be free of social and media pressures to conform to.

This week is your opportunity to bring joy to your parenting.  For today I want you to pay particular attention to one single aspect of your child that you cherish.  Disregard everything else.  Do it for one whole day.  At the end of the day come back and share what happened.

EnJoy your parenting.

Here’s what’s happening this week.

Terrific Tuesday:

I will be sharing a personal experience of finding joy in my parenting.  You know I think it is great to be all learned and experienced, but if I can’t share what and how I do things you just can’t really get what I’m talking about.  So I hope you will come back and see some joy.

Wisdom Wednesday:

Wednesday, I will put on the hat of the expert. I will explain the joy of parenting from the standpoint of the problem and the solution.

Thoughtful Thursday:

 On Thursday, I am going to share with you a case study of a client I have worked with.  Not in a scientific research way, but I hope in a way that is enlightening and enjoyable to read.

Follow up Friday:

On Fridays, I have a free radio show and it is completely your questions and my answers.  There is no sermon, no didactic -That means teacher talks student listen – teaching.  Only your questions that I answer on the spot.

There are a couple of things that do happen as well, I do have surprises for the listeners.  And especially for the first call in of the day. 

If you want to be sure that your question is answered then mail it to me, Grace@GEMParenitng.com.  The first question I receive each week will get a ticket to join a live teleclass.

Also, if you are unable to attend the live show, there is a recording.  So you can still send in your question.

Saturday is Creative Crayon Club:

And of course you will be getting ideas of how to bring joy to your house and your parenting. 

It’s a busy week for you, I know.  You are a parent with worries, concerns and fears.  So, come back each day to gain a bit more peace and guidance to being one amazing parent filled with joy of parenting.

 

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