You Scream, They Scream, We all Scream for Not Ice Cream

October 14, 2008 at 12:37 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, Terrific Tuesday | Leave a comment
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Hi its Terrific Tuesday.  Get a handle on how to get a bit of love back into your parenting.

Your problem is you know that you are supposed to love your children.  And now you have Grace pointing out that you may in your heart love them, but you know you are not loving them in action.  You are hating them, or mothering, or just plain life.  

Today take a five minute break from your hating.  Get a picture you love of your children.   One that only brings pleasure, peace, joy, and happiness to you.  It must be a strong feeling.  Just look at the picture for five minutes.  Feel the love.  Let it envelope you.  Try it on as a scarf around your neck, a shawl draping over your shoulders.  Let the love be yours for these five minutes.

When the time is up, go back to what you were doing.  And when you are hearing your children scream, when you are shouting back, block out what you are actually seeing.  Have a little hallucination of the picture you were looking at.  This will give you just a speck of time to regroup and try to talk with a bit of love in your feelings.

When you talk with love this does not mean giving in.  You can be very firm with love.  You can be understanding.  Yet you are the parent and can love your children to good behavior.  

When they are demanding, bratty, spoiled, unruly give them limits.  Speak over and over this phrase, “I understand that you don’t want to and that’s OK.”  Say it, say it, say it.  You can’t say it too much.  

Now go get your picture, lock yourself in the bathroom with it and feel the love for five minutes.  And for the rest of the day remember to say, “I understand that you don’t want to and that’s OK.”

Do You Really Parent with Love? Bet not!

October 13, 2008 at 6:39 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Its Motivational Monday.

And I want to share wth you the fundamental aspect of parenting.  You guessed it.  it is love.  Not too surprising, except when you think about how many times you mix up hate into it.  For instance, when you find your kids annoying, irritating, overwhelming.  When your let them know what a brat they are being. When you know that they are driving you crazy.  

You are letting hate in and using it as your parenting guide when you are so stressed out by what to do that you can’t sleep at night.  Or maybe you scream at your kids.  You may even ridicule your kids.  Or you may hit, slap, or spank them.

And worse than all these you may ignore your kids.  

This day and everyday this week remember that you do love your kids. Keep a little running count of each time you feel love towards your kids.  This can be a simple tally on the fridge.  

By taking the time to truly notice and make a mark of loving your children, you will bring your focus back to the true essential nature of parenting.

Be sure to parent with passion, purpose, and integrity

Wednesday Wisdom: Taming the Teenager – That’s an Oxymoron!

May 8, 2008 at 7:39 am | Posted in 1, dads, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, spirituality, teens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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 Taming the Teenager-That’s an Oxymoron!

When you think about taming, teenager is not the first thought thatcomes to mind. And for good reason. This is the time of life when people change from being children to being adults. Because we, as humans, have such an extraordinarily long maturation period our change is rather slow and difficult. We also have the added factor that we do not develop primarily physically. Intermingled with the physical and hormonal changes, we have mental and emotional development. There is no telling which of these will be in upheaval at any moment. And so, as a parent you certainly can’t possibly think of taming and teenager in a single thought.

But I am going to challenge that thought, and give you new ways of thinking about your teen and your privileges and responsibilities as a parent. You will understand what is happening and how you can be ahead of the game, allowing you to have the ability to guide and nurture your teen to be a well adjusted, confident kid with awesome high self-esteem.

I am going to share with you the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens these days:

1 Peer Pressure
2 Media Influence and pressure
3 Friends changing
4 Education tracks
5 Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
6 How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

There is not a teen parent who doesn’t share these anxieties. I can verify this both professionally and personally. I have raised one daughter through her teen years and have a teen right now. And being the “expert” doesn’t give me any immunity to these concerns.  But my expertise does help me to have a heads up on what is happening and quick reactions to the ebb and flow of teenagers. Peer pressure has been a basic part of teen years throughout history.

So why worry? The fact is that as your teen tries to be autonomous that means independent and apart from you, he/she will try behaviors and activities that are completely disapproved of at home. One of the new behaviors will be to seek peer approval more than parental approval. This is why peer pressure is so strong at this time. Be gentle, but firm with your teen. Have family morals and obligations, not rules and punishments that you expect and assume to be upheld even in the hardest of circumstances.

Media influence and pressure has gone completely wild in the past ten years. This influence has reached every home in the USA. Media is now in the form of electronic communication, plugged into our children by TV and radio of course, but even more personally by computer, iPod, and cell phones. As a parent you have an obligation to show respect to your teen while at the same time monitoring electronic communication. Keep cell phones charged in the kitchen, have lap tops used in community rooms, keep TV’s out of bedrooms, and get involved with the music your child has on his/her iPod – hook it up to speakers. Get funky and dance, have a good time and be silly.

Keeping these “personal” electronics as public as possible helps to monitor without being overly intrusive. As your teen changes so does his/her friends. When things are topsyturvy for your child and their friends have changed or vanished, be a good listener, and share from your own past some of your own teenage problems. It helps to know that you as a parent were susceptible as well. This can lead your child to be able to come to you when in distress.

Education tracks have shifted recently. In the past they were geared to put kids in college-bound programs or vocational programs. Now they are set up to help you and your child find the hidden talent in your child. These can be great ways to help your child blossom and develop. However remember, you are the parent and will know and understand more about your child- even when they are a teenager, than any test will be able to. Use these as guidelines; not set in stone paths to follow.

I have saved drugs, sex, alcohol, and shoplifting for last. These seem to be the biggest concerns that involved parents have. There are those who believe these experimentations are a normal part of growing up. But they are not biologically programmed. You need to be sure about your desires and opinions. Use soft words for your strong arguments. Let your teens know what you will and will not accept. Be frank and honest. Let them understand the consequences of breeching your trust. Put it in writing. Teens are amazing at understanding what they want to understand and changing what they heard. Tell them you are treating them with adult respect. Adults use written agreements, statements, and contracts in every conceivable context.

As a parent you need to have both respect and concern for your teenager. It is a real tightrope act to balance freedom and limitations. I suggest being completely respectful to your teen. Use positive intervention rather than punishment whenever possible. Let your teen know that at this time of their life it is your responsibility to continue to nurture them. And it is your privilege to help them become a healthy, independent adult with an effervescent zest for life.

 

 

Grace E. Mauzy, M.A.
Founder of GEM Parenting
www.GEMParenting.com
Grace E. Mauzy, MA works with overwhelmed, stressed parents having difficulty comfortably cope with parenting. Parents learn positive intervention utilizing strategies and tactics to develop high self-esteem in children. Grace is the founder of GEM Parenting – an online community dedicated to parenting with passion, purpose, and integrity.  (GEMParenting.com) Through Grace’s professional and personal life experiences, she has a unique ability to understand and empower parents to implement new parenting styles, allowing them to challenge themselves to break free of their destructive behaviors and attitudes. And raise their children with confidence, peace, and harmony. To learn more about her powerful speaking, coaching, and workshops, or to receive Grace’s motivating audio course “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!” visit http://www.7deadlymistakesparentsmake.com or visit http://www.GEMParenting.com.

Motivational Monday: Parenting Teens with Attitudes

May 5, 2008 at 11:03 pm | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, sports, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | 2 Comments
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What a week this is going to be!

I know that anyone with teenagers can and does have the “attitude” issue.  I know from personal as well as professional experience.  I have a teenager right now, and I have a daughter well past being a teenager.  And of course I have worked with many, many teenagers.

So sit tight back and check out what we are going to do this week to help you to get rid of teenage attitude.

I am thrilled because I have been asked to be a guest on Tame the Teenager Series.  It will be replacing my regular GEM Parenting Secrets-Live with Grace-Wed evening program.

Check it out at: http://www.GEMParenting.com

In this hour-long teleseminar I will be discussing:

What are the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens these days?

1 Peer Pressure
2 Media Influence and pressure
3 Friends changing-
4 Education tracks
5 Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
6 How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

And I know if you have a teenager right now you have got to be worried about some or all of these dilemmas.  And if you are coming up to teenage parenting why not get acquainted with the problems before they are in your house.

Remember as a parent of a teen you may not actually like what your child is doing, but your responsibility is to nurture, protect and love your child.  And with these in action as well as mind you will help your teen learn to live with confidence, make appropriate decisions, and have reasonable self expectations.  And you will live the peace of mind that you are on top of things, not somehow lost at sea, waiting till the teen years are over, and hoping to land at a nice beach.

Terrific Tuesday 

Mark Todhunter who is hosting Tame the Teenager will be sharing his expertise about teen issues and solutions.

Wednesday Wisdom

We call this Wednesday Wisdom because this is the day you get the real GEM Parenting Wisdom.  In the morning you can come check out the article that I have written.  And in the evening you can come join us for Live With Grace- GEM Parenting Secrets.

I am really excited about this topic- Tame the Teenager- and thrilled to be a guest expert of Mark Todhunter.  I am going to share with you all about the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens these days.  Most of the answers are just what is concerning you. 

1 Peer Pressure
2 Media Influence and pressure
3 Friends changing-
4 Education tracks
5 Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
6 How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

This will be a lively discussion, with the opportunity to have your personal questions answered and elaborated upon.  If you are a teen or preteen parent you have got to join us.  If you don’t it is not our fault when things screw up and you are so lost you can’t figure how to even be in the same room with your teen. 

This teleseminar will be at 8:00pm eastern/5:00pm pacific.

To register for free and to get call in information for all four classes in May, please type your first name and email address below.

First Name:
 
Email Address:
 
 

And since I am the guest there is no charge for this.  (Even though our normal charge in minimal-it just helps with overhead)

And you can be anywhere with a phone, so you don’t need to worry about what to wear or worry about much.  A teleseminar is simply a seminar done by phone.

Thoughtful Thursday

Now if you simply can’t make the live teleseminar, we will have the podcast available for you on Thursday.  And if you are unsure of what a podcast is, it is a recording that you can down load to your computer or mp3 player.  This means you can listen to it at your leisure-while sweating away at the gym, taking a calm walk, driving wherever you go, or curled up in your jammies with a cup of relaxing tea.

Feedback Friday

You have got to come back because I almost always have a few more thoughts I didn’t get in or new thoughts that came to me after I was done, and of course this is the day I have answers to the question you have sent in.  Now is a really good time to send in your question about Taming the Teenager. 

And just to let you know, next week I am going to be talking about what to do if your kid did not do well in school this year.  So if you have concerns about this send in those questions as well.

There is no better way for me to help you than for you to send me your questions and concerns.  And that is my number one goal-help you be a happy, relaxed, reliable and responsible parent.  So please take a moment and send me your question.

And of course Saturday is…

Creative Crayon Club

Here I am going to provide you with activities and ideas you can do with your teenagers that will spark their imagination, make you look like a totally cool parent, build your new bond, and help you stay the responsible parent that I know you can be.

 

 

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