How Can You Be So Calm? You’re the busiest person I know.

October 22, 2008 at 7:13 am | Posted in Appreciation, attitudes, children, dads, Families, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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I have heard this for about twenty years.  And it is true.  There are few who have as busy a life as I do.  Yet I stay calm.  Oh, there are times when I am anxious.  But generally I just enjoy the ride.  There is a pattern to how I do things.  

Each morning as I wake up, I realize with wonder and excitement that a new day is starting.  I am just as excited every day as a kid on Christmas morning.  I start with just plain appreciating the day.  I look out the window and check the weather.  If it is sunny and clear I am thrilled for the adventure I can have outside.  If it is cloudy and rainy, I think of the fabulous indoors stuff I want to do.

Then I get to my questions.  Now you must understand that these questions are like the kid on Christmas.  I am excited about these things.  I am thrilled to be able to think them and work them out.  These are some of them.

  • How will it all turn out?  
  • What things will happen that I never thought would?
  • How will I get what I want to get done done?  

You have got to listen to the audio to understand how I really feel.  To listen cut and paste the URL below to your browser.

You see, you may ask yourself the same questions.  But you probably have fear and anxiety about them.  You worry that they might not all get done.  When you live that way, no matter how little you try to do, you are always overwhelmed and stressed.  You are riddled with anxiety.

Me? I just know that everything can’t get done.  And I just take each day for the privilege it is to have it.   I “do” my days with excitement, love, and constant appreciations.  

Take this day and love it.  Let your worries slide away.  Focus totally on your appreciations.  Fill your mind with the wonder of the moment.  When you do, you will have a great day.  Accomplish lots more than normal, and you will be calm and free from stress and overwhelm.

Now parent and live with 

Passion, Purpose, and Integrity

Grace

This blog has now reached over 8,000 visitors.  Thanks for coming.  The only thing now missing is your comments.  Let others know how you can reduce your stress.  Ask about your particular problem.  I know you are looking for answers.  You can only get them if you ask.

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Can You Accept Being a Great Parent Without Control?

July 9, 2008 at 7:13 am | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, parents, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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As a parent you need to understand that you are in control of your child and at the exact same time you are as far removed from your child as an elephant in Africa. 

You have an obligation as a parent to set up the most caring home you can:  A home filled with love, positive guidance, and morals and values that you believe in.  But as you know, this is a task that causes great anxiety.  You are so stretched to your limits of parenting that some times you lose sight of how to create this home. And you trudge along hoping everything will be good in the end.

The saddest part of this picture is that often things turn out fine in the end.  But the journey has been so difficult and so arduous that it hardly seems to matte any way.

What you want is to find a way to know the end of the journey is going to be good and at the same time to enjoy and relish your time as a parent.

Yesterday we talked about being granted serenity.  If you have not reached any moments of serenity then you need to think of how you are trying to get it.  If there is any begging, neediness, or whining for it, you are can try being more gentle with yourself and with your eternal energy.

Today we are going to talk about “accepting the things I cannot change.”  Every moment that we are alive we are out of control.  We cannot truly control anything or anyone. 

When you look at life this way you can let go of the things that bug you, drive you crazy, and keep you up at night.  Know that you can not actually change things.  Know that change happens, and reactions happen to what you do. 

How does this kind of thinking change your parenting?  As a parent you may have been trying to set everything up to be just perfect, or even as nearly perfect, as you are humanly capable of doing for your family.  This of course is well and good. 

The problem comes because of all the glitches.  And these glitches, large and miniscule, gnaw at your insides, put overwhelm in everything you do- from breathing to actually reading a story to your children.

When you “accept the things I cannot change” you no longer have to be in control.  You now have the privilege to see yourself as one who influences, who guides, and can set things in motion.  But the weight of perfection is gone.

You are a wonderful parent filled with love and caring.  Remember you have serenity.  Now with accepting that which you cannot change, you have freedom to truly love and cherish your children. 

Loving and cherishing your children is the number one best thing you can do to set the motion for your children live the most fantastic life they can.  And it starts today!

Accept the things you cannot change.  Put serenity into its proper place in your parenting.  And see how the nagging, headache causing stresses that surround you and your children begin to evaporate.

You are welcome to share your acceptance of the things you cannot change and how that freed you to love and cherish your children. 

If you have a major acceptance please share, and if you have something that is so trivial and insignificant please share that as well. 

Everyone needs to hear how you are able to use this information.

As always, Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity.

Grace

 

Wisdom Wednesday: Let Your Joy Out! The Joy of Parenting

June 10, 2008 at 11:09 pm | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, Family Time, GEM Parenting Secrets, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, respect, Self Esteem, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | 2 Comments
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Joy in life can be so fulfilling.  And joy in parenting can change the whole thing from a chore, an overwhelming confusion, an energy depleting life style to one with confidence, ease of making decisions, and feeling energized day in and day out.

Each morning I have a special routine to wake up my children.  I simply love how I wake them up.  And it is filled with joy.

The first child I wake up, who is the youngest, I give her kisses and kisses and kisses.  All over her adorable cutie pie face.  It never fails. We just love each other.  And there is nothing that stops the joy of being her mother when I do this. 

The next child is the teenager- a slightly Oh so much more difficult task.  I ease us into this.  I give her a gentle message.  I start with her head, do her neck and shoulders, her back and finish with her legs and feet.  And this is not a deep thorough message- it is truly an awakening.  And we both are full of joy from this simple routine. 

I save the hardest for last.  She is my sleeping angel.  And it is very hard for her to go from being asleep to being awake.  She has a special stuffy ( stuffed animal if  you did not know)  that helps to wake her up.  Lambie talks with her, hugs her, and asks her take to the bathroom and get her dressed.  (Just in case you don’t know this, I talk for Lambie.)  My sleeping angel gets to wake up to be in her imaginary world before she hits the real world.  Waking up is peaceful and you guessed it, full of joy.

My eldest daughter is now an adult on her own, but we had a routine that I still do when she comes to visit- and she does with her self most mornings.  I say good morning to each part of her- The same pattern as the message, but this is just a touch with me saying good morning head, good morning ears, good morning eyes, etc.

So each morning starts with joy.  No yelling, panicking.  And then we can get on with what the day has to offer.

Now guess how long all this takes?  With three kids I can be finished in ten minutes, or of course I can take a full half hour.  The choice is simple for me.  I can do that tension filled, pushy, anxiety filled that we are not going to be ready on time wake up- probably taking ten to fifteen minutes from the time I say get up to when the last is actually up- or I can do my routine.  Which would you pick?

Now if you want to start a better joy filled morning routine tell your kids you are going to do it.  And let them know that you are absolutely going to do this.  Be calm, firm, and realistic.  It will take both you and your kids some time to get from that state you are in now to what I do.  I have faith in you.  Try it a lot.  Let your joy out.  Be proud of it.  Let your joy engulf you.

Motivational Monday: The Joy of Parenting

June 10, 2008 at 8:32 am | Posted in attitudes, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Self Esteem, Thoughtful Thursday, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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The first thing I want to give you is a great big Welcome to GEM Parenting.  Have you come to GEM Parenting with anxiety about your children, worries about how to discipline them, and with a heart ache because you really thought being a parent would have some joy in it? 

One of the most over looked and least understood areas of parenting is the joy.  When you find joy in parenting your anxieties and worries seem to drift away.  You are aware of how and what to do. 

Parents that I have led to their own joy of parenting have been able to introduce positive intervention, live with high self-esteem, and be free of social and media pressures to conform to.

This week is your opportunity to bring joy to your parenting.  For today I want you to pay particular attention to one single aspect of your child that you cherish.  Disregard everything else.  Do it for one whole day.  At the end of the day come back and share what happened.

EnJoy your parenting.

Here’s what’s happening this week.

Terrific Tuesday:

I will be sharing a personal experience of finding joy in my parenting.  You know I think it is great to be all learned and experienced, but if I can’t share what and how I do things you just can’t really get what I’m talking about.  So I hope you will come back and see some joy.

Wisdom Wednesday:

Wednesday, I will put on the hat of the expert. I will explain the joy of parenting from the standpoint of the problem and the solution.

Thoughtful Thursday:

 On Thursday, I am going to share with you a case study of a client I have worked with.  Not in a scientific research way, but I hope in a way that is enlightening and enjoyable to read.

Follow up Friday:

On Fridays, I have a free radio show and it is completely your questions and my answers.  There is no sermon, no didactic -That means teacher talks student listen – teaching.  Only your questions that I answer on the spot.

There are a couple of things that do happen as well, I do have surprises for the listeners.  And especially for the first call in of the day. 

If you want to be sure that your question is answered then mail it to me, Grace@GEMParenitng.com.  The first question I receive each week will get a ticket to join a live teleclass.

Also, if you are unable to attend the live show, there is a recording.  So you can still send in your question.

Saturday is Creative Crayon Club:

And of course you will be getting ideas of how to bring joy to your house and your parenting. 

It’s a busy week for you, I know.  You are a parent with worries, concerns and fears.  So, come back each day to gain a bit more peace and guidance to being one amazing parent filled with joy of parenting.

 

Motivational Monday: What is Natural Self-Esteem? A Short Overview

June 4, 2008 at 1:53 am | Posted in 1, attitudes, children, Creative Crayon Club, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, How To, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, respect, responsibilities, Safety, Self Esteem, teenagers, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | 2 Comments
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Welcome to GEM Parenting.

We just finished Teenager Month.

But don’t worry, if you missed the month just go to http://www.GEMParenting.com to find everything you missed.

Thanks to those of you who answered the survey.  I learned some practical and useful things from you.  And will be implementing your ideas in the near future. “What is Positive Intervention and how to implement it?” and ” What is real time out and how does it work” are the two teleclasses you want the most. The least desired was “Outdoor fun and safety.”  This is too bad for me because I love this topic.  Instead we will have “Fool Proof Net Safety” 

I will be sending information with the subject line: Parents of Teens – So only open if you are one – about a teleclass especially for you.  (You have to be a Pearl Member to get the discount. To join this complimentary membership click on Pearl Membership on our website at http://www.GEMParenting.com).  

But what I learned more than anything was that very few people actually understand what GEM Parenting is REALLY about. 

Although we do give good sound advice about parenting, asking in experts for GEM Parenting Secrets, giving you referrals to books and programs we think are valuable, having teleclasses and podcasts, our real secret is that everything we do is to help you understand how to raise your children with natural high self esteem. 

Surprisingly to me, many people don’t understand what the real value of doing everything you can to ensure your child has natural high self-esteem. 

Everything from your child’s attitude, morals and values, health, ability to succeed, desire to achieve, even life span, are directly effected by self-esteem.

I will be discussing the issues connected with natural high self-esteem through this newsletter over the next few weeks in lieu of GEM Parenting Secrets Teleclasses.

Does your child have low self-esteem?  Do you know the difference between raising high self-esteem and boosting ego?  Do you have any idea how to energize your child’s self-esteem?  Do you know how to use positive intervention and eliminate negative discipline?  Do you know that raising your child with high self-esteem will ease your life as well?  Your stress and anxieties will vanish as your child’s self-esteem soars.  Your child will be able to participate and engage in life on a level that is void of self-doubt and insecurities-for life.

The first tip you need to know is that the process is the most important aspect of your child’s life.  It is not the product that s/he produces.  The product is irrelevant if the process is not your child’s. 

Think back to your own childhood.  Everything you did was not about the product.  When you were a kid you wanted to get muddy, make something, eat your ice cream just the way you wanted (and maybe that meant getting it all over your face and down your front.) 

You may have been allowed to grow up this way, but my guess is that your parents were more concerned about the product-how neat you were, how accomplished you were, what grades you got- rather than the process of getting to being neat, getting to being accomplished, being educated regardless of good grades.  And if you did not live up to the desired product level, you were made to feel bad in one way or another.

And this is why parenting for you is such a struggle.

You would not have come to GEM Parenting (or any other site) if you were not struggling with parenting.  And I believe the bottom line of raising children is to ensure you create, instill, and maintain high self-esteem in your children.

Does your parenting style ensure you are raising your child with high self-esteem?  Please share its time we had some lively responses.  With over three thousand visitors someone has got to have something to say!

Tickle me Tuesday

One thing people have asked me to do is write a bit about some personal incidences-both about me, and people I have worked with.  So, I will venture out here.  Check out last Saturday’s post for the first one.

We will also have a book we recommend.  Only need to go to GEM Parenting to find out what it is.

Wednesday Wisdom

This Wednesday you are going to get the first installation of the real heart and soul of GEM Parenting.  An article you can get some real value from.

Thoughtful Thursday

Another slice of what it is like to be mom with high self-esteem raising kids with high self-esteem.

Follow Up Friday

 This is when you get to ask your questions.  And I am put on the spot to come up with answers to help you.  Of course some people sort of cheat and send their questions in ahead of time- I honor the first to come in by answering it first.

And how, when, and where does this happen?

How– It’s simple-blog talk radio.

You can listen, call in your question, or type into the chat session.

When– Friday at 9:30

Wherehttp://www.blogtalkradio.com/gemparenting

And of course Saturday is

Creative Crayon Club

My favorite day of the week!  I will give you fun, simple, and inexpensive activities to do with your children.  You know, good old fashioned family fun.

Enjoy your week!

 

Motivational Monday: Teens and Lying

May 26, 2008 at 8:04 am | Posted in attitudes, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, How To, marriage, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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Welcome to GEM Parenting

We are finishing Teenager Month.  But don’t worry, if you missed the rest of the month just go to http://www.GEMParenting.com to find everything you missed.

Today we begin to talk about teens and lying.  These two, unfortunately often go hand in hand.  You are not the only one who has a teen that lies, but you don’t have to be a parent of teen who lies.  You can free both yourself and your teen from the need to lie.  This does not mean your teen will be perfect.  It means your teen will respect you and him/herself enough to be honest and mature about actions.  Rather than wondering and hoping your teen will not lie why not join us for our discussions on how to give your teen the real freedom and maturity to be honest.

When you give this respect to your teen just watch their self esteem soar.  It is amazing and wonderful to watch.  And believe it or not what your teen was doing that they lied about will begin to fade out of the picture.

My motivation to you today is:  Respect yourself and be honest with your teen.  See what happens.  Add a comment on the forum discussion.

Terrific Tuesday 

Today, we will have an article from a leading expert on Teens & Lying.  Our expert will share facts and thoughts on how we, as parents, can eliminate teen lying while respecting our teen’s creativity.  Be sure to check back tomorrow, you will be glad you did.

Wednesday Wisdom

On Wednesday we will have plenty for you to do.  In the morning, come check out my article on teens and lying.  It will give you some good sound answers.  Add to that GEM Parenting Secrets in the evening when I will be interviewing a special guest.  And add to that the last week of Taming the Teenager podcast is available.  You can only end up with a bit of wisdom from all this.

Learn how to stop teen lying and even why it occurs by joining us in a teleclass this Wednesday at 8:30pm EDT, 7:30 CDT, 5:30 PDT.  And you can be anywhere with a phone, so you don’t need to worry about what to wear or worry about much.  A teleclass is simply a seminar done by phone.

Thoughtful Thursday

Now if you simply can’t make the live teleclass, we will have the podcast available for you on Thursday.  And if you are unsure of what a podcast is, it is a recording that you can down load to your computer or mp3 player.  This means you can listen to it at your leisure-while sweating away at the gym, taking a calm walk, driving wherever you go, or curled up in your jammies with a cup of relaxing tea.  And you do not actually have to listen to on Thursday.  This is the day we release it. 

So if you are attending Mark Todhunter’s Tame Your Teenager Series then this is the perfect option for you.  Stay with Mark on Wednesday, and get the podcast Thursday to learn how to stop teen lying.

Follow Up Friday

This is when you get to ask your questions.  And I am put on the spot to come up with answers to help you.  Of course some people sort of cheat and send their questions in ahead of time- I honor the first to come in by answering it first.  And how, when, and where does this happen?

How- It’s simple-blog talk radio.  You can listen, call in your question, or type into the chat session.

When- Friday at 12:30

Where- http://www.blogtalkradio.com/gemparenting

And of course Saturday is…

 Creative Crayon Club           

This is still my favorite day of the week.  One last shot at helping you get new ideas of how to turn a recalcitrant teenager into a teen with ambition, honest values, and high morals.  Yet is still a kid at heart, has problems, has a wavering -by the minute- self esteem.

If you have teen problems then we are ready to teach you how to reduce and eliminate them.

 

Wisdom Wednesday: Prom Problems and Teen Social Gatherings

May 21, 2008 at 7:54 am | Posted in 1, attitudes, children, dads, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, teenagers, teens, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | 1 Comment
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Prom Problems and Teen Social Gatherings

Teen gatherings have always been one of those problems that parents have a hard time dealing with.  How do you allow teens to gather, keep everyone safe and legal, as a parent not being part of the party, and still know what is going on and be responsible for what is happening at your house?  And what do you do when your teen is going someplace else?  Is there any way to guide without clipping your teen’s wings?

That is some tall order, especially now with the Internet adding to the mixture.  First, I want to share some ideas to help you that are tried and true.  Then we will touch on how to incorporate them into wireless communications. 

When teens gather they want to be independent, yet they are either not of legal age or mature enough to be totally in control of their gatherings.  Rather than let your teen just simply have a gathering, start with guidelines, hard and solid rules, and talk about issues that might come up.

You as the parent pick the rules.  Ask your teen if there are any that he/she wants to add.  Sometimes they do surprise you.  Here are a number of rules to pick from.  You do not need to have all the rules for every party.  But it is good to have the list in front of you when you are discussing your own rules.  This way it is not just you, the dumb parent, who is laying down the law.

  • Nothing illegal at the party. Abusers will be asked to leave.
  • An invitation list with a maximum number of guests. To be determined, written on a hard copy (that means printed or written out), a specified number of hours before the party begins- I suggest 24 hours.
  • Only guests on the invitation list. Party bashers will be asked to leave.
  • A beginning and ending time of the party.
  • Backpacks and other carry-ins to be placed in public space.
  • Parents will NOT participate in party unless requested by own teen.
  • Parents will interact/be around and visible during party.

With these as hard rules, you can have guidelines that bring the teens to be responsible for having their party be one of distinction and finesse, as well as be all-out fun and awesome.  Let your teen choose a partner who is both reliable and responsible to help plan the party.  Have real paper invitations.  This is of course more work, but this does mean that your teen actually invites who he/she wants to.  These can be quick copies from your home printer, passed out by hand.  Have your teen put the individuals’ names on the invitations.  You can have a theme party.  And I can tell you from personal experience, your teen will balk and cry and just walk away at the idea.  But when you actually have the party, everyone will have a blast. 

Guide your teen to understand that having a large group is both a privilege and a responsibility and the responsibility is all on your teen’s shoulders.  But now in most states it is also the parents’ responsibility.  Let your teen know this fact; there are many states and towns that hold the adult legally responsible for what happens on their property.

As I mentioned, there is the issue of the Internet now.  Let your teen understand that gatherings at your house, even if shared through the Internet, are going to be set in hard copy.  The Internet is a tool to communicate, but it does not have to be a tool to have your house trampled by hundreds of teens.  Be aware- there are regular confirmed reports of teen parties with Internet invitations that have five hundred or more teens show up!

And through all this you, as the parent, can have fun.  Relax and enjoy the good friends your teen has.  Remember, soon your teen will be an adult and have these parties completely on their own.  This is your chance to help them understand why and how to have a good time, yet stay within personal boundaries.

 

Grace E. Mauzy, MA works with overwhelmed, stressed parents having difficulty comfortably cope with parenting. Parents learn positive intervention utilizing strategies and tactics to develop high self-esteem in children. Grace is the founder of GEM Parenting – an online community dedicated to parenting with passion, purpose, and integrity. (GEMParenting.com) Through Grace’s professional and personal life experiences, she has a unique ability to understand and empower parents to implement new parenting styles, allowing them to challenge themselves to break free of their destructive behaviors and attitudes.  And raise their children with confidence, peace, and harmony.  To learn more about her powerful speaking, coaching, and workshops, or to receive Grace’s motivating audio course “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!” visit http://www.7deadlymistakesparentsmake.com or visit http://www.GEMParenting.com.

Motivational Monday: Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings

May 19, 2008 at 7:34 am | Posted in attitudes, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teenagers, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, travel, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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Welcome to GEM Parenting

We are in the middle of Teenager Month.

This week we are going to be talking about Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings.  And the idea of Prom Problems can really be stretched to Teen gatherings.  So if you have already had your prom, but want to understand how to help your teen be part of teen gatherings, with the ability to be cool, but safe, then join us for the week.

Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings really begin when parents decide that it is somehow not their place to be involved with these private gatherings of teens. There is nothing further from the truth than that.  At this time in your teen’s life they need more interaction and guidance than any other time.  The tricky part is that when they were young you felt you could be in charge.  Now after all these years your teen understands what buttons to push and how to push them, and they are becoming independent.  So there is a slippery slide into giving up, worrying without action, looking the other way and hoping things will come out OK.

If you find you are at a loss as how to be part of your teens social life without being that oppressive over protective parent then I want you to stay with me all week.  Social gatherings can and often are the scariest part of being a teen-for both parent and teen.

When we talk this Wednesday evening at GEM Parenting Secrets I will take my motto, Every Child is a GEM, to help you understand how you can be involved yet not stifle your child.  In fact what we will talk about will actually give your teen the freedom to stretch and grow!!

If you have a teen you know that teen gatherings are such an important part of their life, yet they can cause severe and life long negative changes in your teen.  To join this teleclass please use this link and follow the instructions for registration in the yellow box on the top left. http://www.GEMParenting.com.

In this hour-long teleclass I will be discussing:

How the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens are also the demons that demoralize teens and preteens – enticing them make inappropriate and negative life altering changes in social gatherings

  1. Peer Pressure
  2. Media Influence and pressure
  3. Friends changing
  4. Education tracks
  5. Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
  6. How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

Rather than letting your teen just go forward into this unknown scary time where there is a great deal of manipulation and uncertainty, join with your teen to have a strong force that allows your kid to be cool, but safe and be able to make healthy decisions.

If you haven any desire to help your teen through social gatherings, better than you did, then this Wed evening’s GEM Parenting Secrets is for you. We will be looking at ways to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self demoralizing and self demeaning behaviors and toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

Hope you will be free to join us.

Terrific Tuesday

Come back to gain some wisdom from our expert guest.  Here at GEM Parenting we really like to share views and ideas from others. 

Wednesday Wisdom

We call this Wednesday Wisdom because this is the day you get the real GEM Parenting Wisdom.  In the morning you can come check out the article that I have written.  And in the evening you can come join us for Live With Grace- GEM Parenting Secrets.

As you can see we are going on from last week where we talked about My Teen Screwed Up In School, What do I do?

And incidentally, Tame Your Teenager is still going on, so to be sure to be part of both check out Thoughtful Thursday.

Again we are expecting a lively discussion – parents of teens can be quite expressive!  If you want your teen to be safe and mature then you have got to join us!  Don’t forget your own troubles.  Don’t make your teen go through years to undo what they did as a teen.

To have the opportunity to have your personal questions answered and elaborated upon you have got to join us.  If you don’t it is not our fault when things screw up AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.  Find peace and stability for your family.  Join us.

This teleclass will be at 8:30pm eastern/5:30pm pacific.  You can register right now at http://www.GEMParenting.

I want to warn you, this will be filled with content, wisdom and inspiration.  We do have a nominal charge ($6 -it just helps with overhead) And you can be anywhere with a phone, so you don’t need to worry about what to wear or worry about much.  A teleclass is simply a seminar done by phone.

Thoughtful Thursday

Now if you simply can’t make the live teleseminar, we will have the podcast available for you on Thursday.  And if you are unsure of what a podcast is, it is a recording that you can down load to your computer or mp3 player.  This means you can listen to it at your leisure-while sweating away at the gym, taking a calm walk, driving wherever you go, or curled up in your jammies with a cup of relaxing tea.  And you do not actually have to listen to it on Thursday.  This is the day we release it. 

So if you are attending Mark Todhunter’s Tame Your Teenager Series then this is the perfect option for you.  Stay with Tom on Wed, and get the podcast “Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings” to build up your knowledge and parenting skills.

Feedback Friday

I have a Free radio show every Friday at 12:30 pm EDT (9:30 am PDT) You have got to come because I almost always have a few more thoughts I didn’t get in or new thoughts that came to me after I was done, and of course this is the day I do live Q&A.  Be sure your question is addresses- send in your question now.

And just to let you know, next week I am going to be talking about Teens and lying.  Know any teens that lie?  (Or should I say don’t lie?).  Send in those questions as well.

There is no better way for me to help you than for you to send me your questions and concerns.  And that is my number one goal-help you be a happy, relaxed, reliable and responsible parent.  So please take a moment and send me your question.

 

And of course Saturday is…

Creative Crayon Club

Here I am going to provide you with activities and ideas you can do with your teen.  These will not be how to talk about problems and issues, but how to DO things together, create things and play on a new level.  Your teen may have had social problems so it is your duty to find ways to help your teen be a GEM in another light.  On Saturday we will be sharing things to help you find new facets in your teen GEM.

Enjoy your week!

Live With Grace Teleclass: My Teen Screwed up in School. What do I do?

May 13, 2008 at 7:27 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, Family Time, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Presents: My teen screwed up In School. What do I do? Teleclass

Set Your Calendar

Live with Grace Teleclass

Wed., May 14, 2008
8:30 p.m. E.S.T.
Length: one hour

 

Featuring Grace E. Mauzy, M.A., and Guest Expert, Linda Silbert, Ph.D. of www. stronglearning.com
Educational ~ Motivating ~ Interactive

We will discuss the mistakes and problems your teen has made from different perspectives. Learn different ways to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self-demoralizing and self-demeaning behaviors. Let’s get your teen moving toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

For only $6.00 you can be part of this teleclass and find out the best ways to handle the mistakes teens make and ways to deal with problems teenagers face.

Join GEM Parenting Teleseminar

By registering for this teleclass, you will reserve your space on the call, receive special call-in information, and access to downloadable GEM Action Guide, Expert Article, and Grace’s Personal Article.

Teriffic Tuesday: Promoting Genuine Self-Esteem in Your Child

May 13, 2008 at 6:49 am | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teens, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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Promoting Genuine Self-Esteem In Your Child

 Promoting self-esteem in children is an ongoing process for parents. By adding just one word-genuine-the focus is sharpened and the process is more clearly defined. Genuine self-esteem is based on true worth and accomplishment, whereas ‘inflated’ self-esteem, the opposite, results from heaped on, baseless praise. Promoting inflated self-esteem is easy. Promoting genuine self-esteem requires a little more thought and planning. Here are three big steps parents can take to facilitate the process: Accept, Support and Respect. As the first two are closely related, we’ll discuss them together.

 ACCEPT and SUPPORT.

 Accept and support your child. As a parent, you are your child’s most important significant other. More than anyone else, you help to establish how your child feels about himself. School personnel, family, and peers have some influence on your child, but yours is the most important. So, how do you help him feel good about himself? By genuinely accepting and supporting your child for whom he is. Here’s how.

  •  DO let your child know you think he’s great. Self-esteem grows through your words and actions. Use language that will build his self-esteem: “What a great idea!” “I’m proud to be your mom/dad.” “I can depend on you.” And, be sure your actions support your message.

 Children use us as mirrors. If we think and convey to them that they are wonderful, they will think and believe that they are wonderful. If we think and tell them they are stupid, they will think and believe they are stupid. Our children internalize our words and actions.

  • DO accept your child’s inherited physical endowments. Nobody, thank goodness, is physically perfect. So encourage your child to accept his or her physical appearance. Children are acutely self-conscious about their physical selves-a girl might be embarrassed by her large nose, a boy about his pimples. Your child might even hate the very qualities you find adorable-his big ears, or her curly hair-so convey your acceptance of his or her physical endowments. You might be quite proud of your child just the way he is. But does your child know this? He needs to, even when nothing out of the ordinary is happening. Remind him every day that you support him, and show him the same through your actions.
  • DO be open and available. Are you approachable? When you are working at home, watching television, or doing housework, is your body language telling your child that you don’t want to be bothered? Or are you showing her that you will listen if she has a problem? Of course, there are times when you are doing something important or taking care of your own needs. You can’t be accessible twenty-four hours a day, and you don’t have to be a problem-solver all the time, but you do need to be someone your child can count on to talk to when the need arises. It will help her just to know you’re there, ready to listen and not judge. If a child perceives that a parent is too busy, disinterested, or annoyed to hear her, then her problems, no matter how trivial they may seem to adults, may overwhelm her.
  • DO recognize and applaud effort. Did your child bungle an art project? Miss a ground ball in a baseball game? Spill a mixing bowl while trying to make cake batter? You know that the effort he puts into the activity is far more important than the success or failure of it, but he probably doesn’t know that. So tell him! Even better than saying, “That’s okay, it’s the effort that counts,” would be to say, “I’m proud of you for trying to make a cake; most kids your age would never tackle that. And you got the ingredients just right!” or “I can see that you threw away the art project you started. I’m sorry you didn’t like it. But I’m proud that you took on such a difficult task.”
  • DO be receptive and helpful with your child’s personal problems, and seek help from professionals when appropriate. It takes only a few minutes each day to ask how your child feels and then listen attentively to what he or she says. Instead of asking general questions about school activities, for example, you could try drawing out your child to see if there are any personal problems you are unaware of. So instead of asking, “How was school today?” you might ask, “Was school better today? Yesterday you said that your teacher kept you in during recess. Did you go out today?” If the answer is yes or no, try to ask more leading questions, such as “What changed today that made things better (or worse)?” and then continue from there. Or, instead of asking, “Did you do your homework?” try asking something like “You said last week that you had a history report due. How is it coming?” If it seems that things are not going well, you may want to offer help or suggest some alternative strategies such as after-school assistance or engaging the services of a capable teenager or professional tutor.
  • DO offer opportunities to pursue individual interests. Your child can’t find areas to explore her individuality if she is not exposed to different activities. When notices for clubs or sports leagues are posted or handed out in school, encourage your child to enroll if she shows an interest. And get her presents that suit her interests. If she is interested in building, why buy her dolls? Children are often scared to try new things. By encouraging (but not forcing) them to try out new activities, we can help them discover areas in which they may express their individuality.
  • DO encourage your child to evaluate the opinions and values of others instead of submissively adopting them. It’s a sign of low self-esteem when a child accepts without question other people’s ideas and values. Encourage your child to weigh each situation instead of mindlessly going along with the decisions or opinions of others. At the same time, encourage him to seek support for his own ideas. This way, your child will learn to determine whether or not a value or opinion is of worth to him, and thereby gain power over his own decisions. This will help his self-esteem as a child, and will serve him well when he is older, when more potentially damaging ideas (such as drug use, sex, or prejudice, for example) will be presented to him.

 RESPECT

 Let’s turn to the third step, respect. Respect your child and she will learn to respect you. This old tale, “The King and His Sons,” says it well.

One rainy day, the king took a walk with his two children. He held an umbrella in each hand to cover and protect each child. A bystander approached and said, “Why are you protecting your children from the rain? You are the king! They should be protecting you.” His highness sagely replied, “If I do not show them respect, how will they learn to respect me? How will they learn to respect others? How will they learn to respect themselves?”

When children are treated with respect, they learn to respect themselves and others. So treat your child as you expect to be treated. Respect that is genuine, and not simply permissive, promotes self-esteem. It satisfies your child’s esteem needs. It makes her feel important-that you hold her in high esteem, and that you value and respect her as a person.

There are many ways you can show your child respect through your actions and words. Here are some important things to keep in mind.

  • DO NOT berate. Berating a child models negative behavior; it does not help her to learn, and it shows her total disrespect. For example, a parent who is helping a child to study for a test might make such berating comments as, “We just did this! What are you, stupid? You’re just not paying attention. Now pay attention!” By the end of the session, usually the child is crying and the parent is screaming. And the child may be heard the next day yelling at her classmate, “What are you, stupid?”
  • DO NOT be sarcastic. Sarcastic remarks are transparent ways of putting someone down, and if directed toward your child, she’ll know it. Many parents don’t realize that the processes of growth and change take time, and their own frustration causes them to resort to sarcasm. But if you show a lack of respect for your child, she will feel unworthy and less motivated to succeed.
  • DO ask your child to do grown-up tasks. There are many opportunities to do so. Asking him to do one at a critical time in his development may be a memorable gift you can give to him. At that moment, he has your respect and trust; he is someone. For example, when the need arises, ask him to answer the phone for you. Even if he forgets to write the person’s name next to the number, let him know that you appreciate his help. Next time the situation arises simply remind him to write down both the name and number. This way, he’ll learn the same lesson without feeling like a failure.
  • DO control your anger. Whether over homework or other issues, many parents become so angry with their children that they end up physically or verbally abusing them. When you get angry at your child, keep this in mind: If you respect someone, do you hit him? Do you curse at him? Do you insult him? Whenever you use physical force or verbal attacks against your child, you show a blatant disregard for his rights and teach him that this is the proper way to express anger and settle disputes. You teach him that it is okay to act on his feelings, when in fact it should be your goal to teach him to think first, and think clearly, before he acts.
  • DO be sure your child is being treated respectfully at school. Not only is it important for you to treat your child with respect; it is also important to be sure that your child is being treated respectfully at school.

As your child’s number-one advocate, be sure she is treated respectfully, both at home and at school. For the most part, teachers and other school personnel are wonderful, hard-working people who care about education and children. But sometimes they too need to be informed. If you see that your child is not being treated with the respect she deserves, call her teacher. Chances are he or she is unaware of your child’s problem and will appreciate your call.

  • DO respect one another. Within a family, parents and children need to strive to develop a mutual respect, which in time extends beyond the family. This is an ongoing process which involves parental role modeling (and usually an endless supply of parental patience and self-control).

Respect is often tested when children slip-up. How parents deal with these slip-ups delivers long lasting messages. Better than flying off the handle on the one hand, or merely shrugging the incidents off on the other, is for parents to deal with each situation, and those involved, in a respectful manner. This involves looking into the causes behind each situation, exploring options, and discussing alternative actions the child could have taken-in other words, maintaining respect. Therefore, when your child experiences some trouble in school, before you begin yelling or punishing, think about what you want to teach her.

In conclusion, in that you as a parent are your child’s most important significant other, you more than anyone else help to establish how your child feels about himself. If you genuinely accept, support and respect your child, and show it through your words and actions, then you are sowing the seeds of genuine self-esteem.

Copyright © 2008 Linda Silbert, Ph.D., and Alvin J. Silbert, Ed.D., all rights reserved.

Why Bad Grades Happen to Good Kids (Beaufort Books, NY, August 2007) came out to rave reviews by parents, teachers, physicians, and other professionals. The book introduces the “groundbreaking” STRONG method, a proven approach that empowers parents and teachers to help struggling students. By focusing on the six areas of the acronym STRONG — Self-esteem, Trust, Responsibility, Options, Needs, Goals — the reader learns how to identify the actual causes of a myriad of school problems and learn proven techniques to resolve them. This little book will surely make school days and home nights “a whole lot better.” The Silberts are founders/directors of STRONG Learning Centers® in New York. They’ve written over 40 books and 20 phonics games for children of all ages. To learn more about their STRONG method and their books and learning centers, visit their web site at www.oureducationalbooks.com. To subscribe to their free e-zine, send a blank email to: subscribe@stronglearning.com

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