Female Octogenarians Caught Playing at the Beach

July 28, 2011 at 4:27 pm | Posted in attitudes, Health | Leave a comment
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OK so to start- what in the world is an octogenarian? It happens to be one of my favorite words. It means a person who is 80. And if you are 80 I think you really do deserve such a fancy and fun name as octogenarian. Anyway, I was out in the water playing dunk my 11 year old daughter. My mother and her cousin were doing their exercises in the waist deep water. Walking, using their arms, and looking solid and strong, and just a bit serious.

Then all of a sudden they began to play catch. They tossed the little orange and black water ball-the new ones for this sumer that “bounce” in the water- And things changed. There was bit of a giggle floating across the water. They began to have just a bit of a bounce in their movements. Then it happened- they let loose and began to splash. These two old ladies- yes my mother and her cousin are old ladies- they splashed each other for all they were worth.

Needless to say I was in utter hysterics, as were many other beach goers. Who ever saw old ladies just let loose and play like that? Not me.

SO after they settled down in their beach chairs, I asked them what it was like to get out there and play like that. “OH, were we playing?” said my mother. “I was just trying to get your mother back for all the times she got me. I thought this might be my best chance ever.” “And was it?” asked my mother. “No- you won again like always.” “And boy was it ever fun!” They both said in unison and burst into that laugh you usually only hear with a couple of 8 year olds.

So at 8 or 80+ the desire to play a physical competition still lingers. My mother wasn’t about to let her “little” cousin get the best of her. And her cousin still longed to win. Bottom line- It was fun.

But how could they still do it? Lots of things. Here’s a few things.
* They still do exercises daily
* They eat healthy- relatively anyway
* They think they can do things
* They love to compete
* They have high self-esteem

So as you do your play or compete formally, know that you may be setting yourself up for an octogenarian all out splash fight in a few years down the line. IF nothing else it will make others have a great ab workout with all the laughing caused by you.

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51 Ideas of Starting Wellness and Fitness

May 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm | Posted in Health | Leave a comment
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1.   To improve power in legs, hips, core, shoulder complex, or arms you need to do integrated full body power training

2.   You are greater risk for injury when you don’t have full body training.

3.   Improve your body composition levels with power-based training

4.   During exercise training session one of most efficient methods of expending energy is full body power training.

5.   Before power training you need to have stability, mobility, strength, and skills training.

6.   Power training develops lean muscles

7.   Type II muscle fibers create high force, short duration contractions, and enhance muscle size and definition-

8.   Power training uses type II muscles

9.   For long term progression have an organized system of training- this is for exercising and everything in life

10.    The first thing to do when starting aerobic training is to establish baseline aerobic fitness

11.    By creating a stable aerobic base you can build improvements in health, endurance, energy, mood, and burning calories.

12.    Depending on your goals, training, and initial fitness level will determine how fast you progress with improving your health and strength.

13.    When starting aerobic exercise- do steady and low intensity. It’s good to start slowly. You can build up as you go

14.    If you want to go anywhere do anything- then start. Nothing huge or monumental needs to be done. You just need to start.

15.    When you start with your thoughts you have made an action. That’s why the greatest athletes visualize all the time.

16.    To be sure you are starting at a level that is right for you do the talk test- be able to talk as a beginner exerciser.

17.    The initial duration of aerobic exercise may be only five minutes! You can do that.

18.    You can progress from your initial duration of aerobic exercise in very small increments- keep a log so you know that you are improving.

19.    The goal of aerobic exercise to get to 3-5 days/wk for 20-30 minutes each time.

20.    With regular aerobic exercise you will have improved health, endurance, energy expenditure- meaning you will actually have more energy!

21.    Regular aerobic exercise decreases stress and improves your ability to do your activities of daily living.

22.    You don’t need an assessment to start aerobic exercise if you are a regularly healthy person-

23.    Aerobic efficiency training is increased duration and frequency of sessions and adding interval training.

24.    Add aerobic intervals just above the talk test level

25.    When you add intervals to aerobic training you use fat as your fuel source!

26.    Intervals add interesting things to do while doing aerobic exercise. Besides you have to think and stay alert.

27.    Anaerobic training means without oxygen- the muscles are not in the same need of oxygen.

28.    When you get strong enough you can do anaerobic exercise.

29.    Tolerance training is designed to increase the amount of sustained work you can do at a high level. at or near the VT2

30.    Tolerance training also improves the muscles to produce force for longer periods of time

31.    Endurance training can be 3-7 days/wk lasting 20 in to several hours

32.    World-class endurance athletes only spend minimal training at highest peak levels. Most is at steady state, with about 1/4 doing intervals

33.    Three zones for aerobic exercise- Zone 1 at/Below talk test-70-80%, Zone 2 above talk test 10%, Zone 3 above VT2 (very intense) 10-20%

34.    Rest and Recovery exercises are critical for sustained ability and increased strength.

35.    Signs of over training- increased resting heart rate, disturbed sleep, decreased hunger on multiple days

36.    Recovery is crucial in improving fitness and performance.

37.    It is more important to recover fully rather than have the body get is a state of fatigue. This leads to over training and injury

38.    The most important goal is to have an initial positive experience promoting adherence through easily achieved successes

39.    Being in action will have an overall impact on your health and quality of life- as well as state of physical and mental fitness

40.    You need to have personal training that is systematic with a program solution especially designed for you.

41.    Find happiness within yourself. Then share yourself with others

42.    To be healthy: eat right, walk right and talk to yourself right.

43.    A personal trainer facilitates change to help you through your stages of increasing fitness and well-being.

44.    As a helper of change a fitness trainer creates conditions and uses techniques to help you create your desired out come

45.    One of the most critical factors to choose your wellness trainer is how you get along with the trainer

46.    Be sure your fitness trainer does a thorough health assessment to start you right where it’s best for you

47.    You must have trust and respect or you will go unheard

48.    Your first impression-the blink moment- is really the most critical. Best way to be is totally genuine-anything else will be known

49.    Rapport is a relationship of mutual trust harmony or emotional affinity enabling mutual respect and understanding

50.    Three essential attributes for a good relationship-Empathy, Warmth, Being genuine.

51.    Empathy- ability to understand another’s world without having to live it.

New Way to be Thankful

November 24, 2008 at 1:03 pm | Posted in Health, Holidays, Self Esteem, spirituality | Leave a comment
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Once again it’s Motivational Monday.  And this is such a special Monday because it is just before Thanksgiving.  As I always do before Thanksgiving, I get pretty emotional about all that I have to be thankful for.  And this is no different this year than other years.

 Recently our country’s economic stability flew out the window.  We are all feeling the pressures of financial instability.  And this was warping my ability to be thankful.  But yesterday I had an epiphany. 

 I realized that as an adult I have been poor, then I was poorer, then I had a decent living, then I actually was in the upper middle class economically, and now I am back to having a decent living.  Most of these changes came about because I had done things to foster them.  So when my economic standing reversed simply because of general economics I felt I was in a terrible state. 

But here is my epiphany: I am still just as wonderful now as when I was poor or sort of rich.  My values have not changed due to going up or down the economic ladder.  I have held onto my morals very tightly through theses changes.  As a matter of fact, these changes have allowed me to really know that who I am, what I do, whom I am friends with, what I do for leisure are my values and morals.

It’s kind of like being grounded again.  Not what some parents to do punish their kids, but that spiritual kind of grounding; that way of being at peace with your surroundings, your soul, really at peace with yourself. 

When you allow the outside circumstances to guide and force your core to change then you are setting yourself up for constant disappointment.  You actually lower your self-esteem.  You are a puppet to your surroundings, everything from your kids, spouse, childhood family, neighbors, and the mass media.

I want you to start today and think about what you are truly thankful for.  Start with just one thing.  Keep it simple.  This one thing can be anything.  It can be the most important thing OR it can be the simplest thing, OR it can be the first thing that comes to mind. Focus on that one thing.  Pay complete attention to one thing you are thankful for.  Do that today.  This one thing will sprout into other things. 

Only let those thoughts that you know are completely a part of your soul and spirit, your core values and morals to get attention.  In other words, there are the regular things-family, clothing, shelter, job, friendship- that we are thankful for, and as you focus on the one thing you have chosen, let your thoughts and feelings understand why this is so special.

Here is how being thankful for food spreads for me.  Food alone is rather basic, but food spreads to the ability to nurture and be nurtured.  Food spreads to my interest in health and physical achievements.  Food is intricately connected with my belief in being the best I can be-I am the food I take in and give to my family.  Food is basic to my soul.  Without food my spirit would wither.  I connect my values and morals to food.  Food alone and especially all its attachments are a necessary part of what I am thankful for.

You see how something so basic actually has such deep and far reaching tentacles.  Food is a part of my soul as well as being necessary to live.  By being thankful this way you put a purpose to the process.

Today as you begin your thankful thinking be simple, yet focus on what is deep and spiritual to you.  Give yourself permission to be thankful outside the box.  Be passionate about what you are thankful for. 

And of course have integrity about your thankfulness.  Be true to your values and morals.  Learn about what they are through this process.

Have fun with your thanks and Parent and live with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity

Grace

PS: I do have a very nice podcast at http://www.GEMParenting.com/store called Thanksgiving the Gentle Holiday.  You might really like to listen to it.  You need to scroll down a ways to get to it.

Wisdom Wednesday: Prom Problems and Teen Social Gatherings

May 21, 2008 at 7:54 am | Posted in 1, attitudes, children, dads, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, teenagers, teens, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | 1 Comment
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Prom Problems and Teen Social Gatherings

Teen gatherings have always been one of those problems that parents have a hard time dealing with.  How do you allow teens to gather, keep everyone safe and legal, as a parent not being part of the party, and still know what is going on and be responsible for what is happening at your house?  And what do you do when your teen is going someplace else?  Is there any way to guide without clipping your teen’s wings?

That is some tall order, especially now with the Internet adding to the mixture.  First, I want to share some ideas to help you that are tried and true.  Then we will touch on how to incorporate them into wireless communications. 

When teens gather they want to be independent, yet they are either not of legal age or mature enough to be totally in control of their gatherings.  Rather than let your teen just simply have a gathering, start with guidelines, hard and solid rules, and talk about issues that might come up.

You as the parent pick the rules.  Ask your teen if there are any that he/she wants to add.  Sometimes they do surprise you.  Here are a number of rules to pick from.  You do not need to have all the rules for every party.  But it is good to have the list in front of you when you are discussing your own rules.  This way it is not just you, the dumb parent, who is laying down the law.

  • Nothing illegal at the party. Abusers will be asked to leave.
  • An invitation list with a maximum number of guests. To be determined, written on a hard copy (that means printed or written out), a specified number of hours before the party begins- I suggest 24 hours.
  • Only guests on the invitation list. Party bashers will be asked to leave.
  • A beginning and ending time of the party.
  • Backpacks and other carry-ins to be placed in public space.
  • Parents will NOT participate in party unless requested by own teen.
  • Parents will interact/be around and visible during party.

With these as hard rules, you can have guidelines that bring the teens to be responsible for having their party be one of distinction and finesse, as well as be all-out fun and awesome.  Let your teen choose a partner who is both reliable and responsible to help plan the party.  Have real paper invitations.  This is of course more work, but this does mean that your teen actually invites who he/she wants to.  These can be quick copies from your home printer, passed out by hand.  Have your teen put the individuals’ names on the invitations.  You can have a theme party.  And I can tell you from personal experience, your teen will balk and cry and just walk away at the idea.  But when you actually have the party, everyone will have a blast. 

Guide your teen to understand that having a large group is both a privilege and a responsibility and the responsibility is all on your teen’s shoulders.  But now in most states it is also the parents’ responsibility.  Let your teen know this fact; there are many states and towns that hold the adult legally responsible for what happens on their property.

As I mentioned, there is the issue of the Internet now.  Let your teen understand that gatherings at your house, even if shared through the Internet, are going to be set in hard copy.  The Internet is a tool to communicate, but it does not have to be a tool to have your house trampled by hundreds of teens.  Be aware- there are regular confirmed reports of teen parties with Internet invitations that have five hundred or more teens show up!

And through all this you, as the parent, can have fun.  Relax and enjoy the good friends your teen has.  Remember, soon your teen will be an adult and have these parties completely on their own.  This is your chance to help them understand why and how to have a good time, yet stay within personal boundaries.

 

Grace E. Mauzy, MA works with overwhelmed, stressed parents having difficulty comfortably cope with parenting. Parents learn positive intervention utilizing strategies and tactics to develop high self-esteem in children. Grace is the founder of GEM Parenting – an online community dedicated to parenting with passion, purpose, and integrity. (GEMParenting.com) Through Grace’s professional and personal life experiences, she has a unique ability to understand and empower parents to implement new parenting styles, allowing them to challenge themselves to break free of their destructive behaviors and attitudes.  And raise their children with confidence, peace, and harmony.  To learn more about her powerful speaking, coaching, and workshops, or to receive Grace’s motivating audio course “The 7 Deadly Mistakes Parents Make That Create Spoiled Brats – And How You Can Avoid Them!” visit http://www.7deadlymistakesparentsmake.com or visit http://www.GEMParenting.com.

Terrific Tuesday: Prom Problems and Teenage Social Gatherings

May 19, 2008 at 11:10 pm | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, Family Time, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, moms, Mothers, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, teenagers, teens, Tweens, Welcome | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Presents: Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings

Set Your Calendar
Live with Grace Teleclass

Wed., May 21, 2008
8:30 p.m. E.S.T.
Length: one hour

Featuring Grace E. Mauzy, M.A., and a special Guest Expert
Educational ~ Motivating ~ Interactive

We will be discussing: How the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens are also the demons that demoralize teens and preteen – enticing them make inappropriate and negative life altering changes in social gatherings.

For only $6.00 you learn how to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self-demoralizing and self-demeaning behaviors, and toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

Join GEM Parenting Teleseminar

By registering for this teleclass, you will reserve your space on the call, receive special call-in information, and access to downloadable GEM Action Guide, Expert Article, and Grace’s Personal Article.

 

 

 

Motivational Monday: Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings

May 19, 2008 at 7:34 am | Posted in attitudes, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, peer pressure, relationships, Safety, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teenagers, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, travel, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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Welcome to GEM Parenting

We are in the middle of Teenager Month.

This week we are going to be talking about Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings.  And the idea of Prom Problems can really be stretched to Teen gatherings.  So if you have already had your prom, but want to understand how to help your teen be part of teen gatherings, with the ability to be cool, but safe, then join us for the week.

Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings really begin when parents decide that it is somehow not their place to be involved with these private gatherings of teens. There is nothing further from the truth than that.  At this time in your teen’s life they need more interaction and guidance than any other time.  The tricky part is that when they were young you felt you could be in charge.  Now after all these years your teen understands what buttons to push and how to push them, and they are becoming independent.  So there is a slippery slide into giving up, worrying without action, looking the other way and hoping things will come out OK.

If you find you are at a loss as how to be part of your teens social life without being that oppressive over protective parent then I want you to stay with me all week.  Social gatherings can and often are the scariest part of being a teen-for both parent and teen.

When we talk this Wednesday evening at GEM Parenting Secrets I will take my motto, Every Child is a GEM, to help you understand how you can be involved yet not stifle your child.  In fact what we will talk about will actually give your teen the freedom to stretch and grow!!

If you have a teen you know that teen gatherings are such an important part of their life, yet they can cause severe and life long negative changes in your teen.  To join this teleclass please use this link and follow the instructions for registration in the yellow box on the top left. http://www.GEMParenting.com.

In this hour-long teleclass I will be discussing:

How the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens are also the demons that demoralize teens and preteens – enticing them make inappropriate and negative life altering changes in social gatherings

  1. Peer Pressure
  2. Media Influence and pressure
  3. Friends changing
  4. Education tracks
  5. Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
  6. How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

Rather than letting your teen just go forward into this unknown scary time where there is a great deal of manipulation and uncertainty, join with your teen to have a strong force that allows your kid to be cool, but safe and be able to make healthy decisions.

If you haven any desire to help your teen through social gatherings, better than you did, then this Wed evening’s GEM Parenting Secrets is for you. We will be looking at ways to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self demoralizing and self demeaning behaviors and toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

Hope you will be free to join us.

Terrific Tuesday

Come back to gain some wisdom from our expert guest.  Here at GEM Parenting we really like to share views and ideas from others. 

Wednesday Wisdom

We call this Wednesday Wisdom because this is the day you get the real GEM Parenting Wisdom.  In the morning you can come check out the article that I have written.  And in the evening you can come join us for Live With Grace- GEM Parenting Secrets.

As you can see we are going on from last week where we talked about My Teen Screwed Up In School, What do I do?

And incidentally, Tame Your Teenager is still going on, so to be sure to be part of both check out Thoughtful Thursday.

Again we are expecting a lively discussion – parents of teens can be quite expressive!  If you want your teen to be safe and mature then you have got to join us!  Don’t forget your own troubles.  Don’t make your teen go through years to undo what they did as a teen.

To have the opportunity to have your personal questions answered and elaborated upon you have got to join us.  If you don’t it is not our fault when things screw up AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.  Find peace and stability for your family.  Join us.

This teleclass will be at 8:30pm eastern/5:30pm pacific.  You can register right now at http://www.GEMParenting.

I want to warn you, this will be filled with content, wisdom and inspiration.  We do have a nominal charge ($6 -it just helps with overhead) And you can be anywhere with a phone, so you don’t need to worry about what to wear or worry about much.  A teleclass is simply a seminar done by phone.

Thoughtful Thursday

Now if you simply can’t make the live teleseminar, we will have the podcast available for you on Thursday.  And if you are unsure of what a podcast is, it is a recording that you can down load to your computer or mp3 player.  This means you can listen to it at your leisure-while sweating away at the gym, taking a calm walk, driving wherever you go, or curled up in your jammies with a cup of relaxing tea.  And you do not actually have to listen to it on Thursday.  This is the day we release it. 

So if you are attending Mark Todhunter’s Tame Your Teenager Series then this is the perfect option for you.  Stay with Tom on Wed, and get the podcast “Prom Problems and Issues of Teen Gatherings” to build up your knowledge and parenting skills.

Feedback Friday

I have a Free radio show every Friday at 12:30 pm EDT (9:30 am PDT) You have got to come because I almost always have a few more thoughts I didn’t get in or new thoughts that came to me after I was done, and of course this is the day I do live Q&A.  Be sure your question is addresses- send in your question now.

And just to let you know, next week I am going to be talking about Teens and lying.  Know any teens that lie?  (Or should I say don’t lie?).  Send in those questions as well.

There is no better way for me to help you than for you to send me your questions and concerns.  And that is my number one goal-help you be a happy, relaxed, reliable and responsible parent.  So please take a moment and send me your question.

 

And of course Saturday is…

Creative Crayon Club

Here I am going to provide you with activities and ideas you can do with your teen.  These will not be how to talk about problems and issues, but how to DO things together, create things and play on a new level.  Your teen may have had social problems so it is your duty to find ways to help your teen be a GEM in another light.  On Saturday we will be sharing things to help you find new facets in your teen GEM.

Enjoy your week!

Live With Grace Teleclass: My Teen Screwed up in School. What do I do?

May 13, 2008 at 7:27 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, Family Time, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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GEM Parenting Presents: My teen screwed up In School. What do I do? Teleclass

Set Your Calendar

Live with Grace Teleclass

Wed., May 14, 2008
8:30 p.m. E.S.T.
Length: one hour

 

Featuring Grace E. Mauzy, M.A., and Guest Expert, Linda Silbert, Ph.D. of www. stronglearning.com
Educational ~ Motivating ~ Interactive

We will discuss the mistakes and problems your teen has made from different perspectives. Learn different ways to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self-demoralizing and self-demeaning behaviors. Let’s get your teen moving toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

For only $6.00 you can be part of this teleclass and find out the best ways to handle the mistakes teens make and ways to deal with problems teenagers face.

Join GEM Parenting Teleseminar

By registering for this teleclass, you will reserve your space on the call, receive special call-in information, and access to downloadable GEM Action Guide, Expert Article, and Grace’s Personal Article.

Teriffic Tuesday: Promoting Genuine Self-Esteem in Your Child

May 13, 2008 at 6:49 am | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, teens, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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Promoting Genuine Self-Esteem In Your Child

 Promoting self-esteem in children is an ongoing process for parents. By adding just one word-genuine-the focus is sharpened and the process is more clearly defined. Genuine self-esteem is based on true worth and accomplishment, whereas ‘inflated’ self-esteem, the opposite, results from heaped on, baseless praise. Promoting inflated self-esteem is easy. Promoting genuine self-esteem requires a little more thought and planning. Here are three big steps parents can take to facilitate the process: Accept, Support and Respect. As the first two are closely related, we’ll discuss them together.

 ACCEPT and SUPPORT.

 Accept and support your child. As a parent, you are your child’s most important significant other. More than anyone else, you help to establish how your child feels about himself. School personnel, family, and peers have some influence on your child, but yours is the most important. So, how do you help him feel good about himself? By genuinely accepting and supporting your child for whom he is. Here’s how.

  •  DO let your child know you think he’s great. Self-esteem grows through your words and actions. Use language that will build his self-esteem: “What a great idea!” “I’m proud to be your mom/dad.” “I can depend on you.” And, be sure your actions support your message.

 Children use us as mirrors. If we think and convey to them that they are wonderful, they will think and believe that they are wonderful. If we think and tell them they are stupid, they will think and believe they are stupid. Our children internalize our words and actions.

  • DO accept your child’s inherited physical endowments. Nobody, thank goodness, is physically perfect. So encourage your child to accept his or her physical appearance. Children are acutely self-conscious about their physical selves-a girl might be embarrassed by her large nose, a boy about his pimples. Your child might even hate the very qualities you find adorable-his big ears, or her curly hair-so convey your acceptance of his or her physical endowments. You might be quite proud of your child just the way he is. But does your child know this? He needs to, even when nothing out of the ordinary is happening. Remind him every day that you support him, and show him the same through your actions.
  • DO be open and available. Are you approachable? When you are working at home, watching television, or doing housework, is your body language telling your child that you don’t want to be bothered? Or are you showing her that you will listen if she has a problem? Of course, there are times when you are doing something important or taking care of your own needs. You can’t be accessible twenty-four hours a day, and you don’t have to be a problem-solver all the time, but you do need to be someone your child can count on to talk to when the need arises. It will help her just to know you’re there, ready to listen and not judge. If a child perceives that a parent is too busy, disinterested, or annoyed to hear her, then her problems, no matter how trivial they may seem to adults, may overwhelm her.
  • DO recognize and applaud effort. Did your child bungle an art project? Miss a ground ball in a baseball game? Spill a mixing bowl while trying to make cake batter? You know that the effort he puts into the activity is far more important than the success or failure of it, but he probably doesn’t know that. So tell him! Even better than saying, “That’s okay, it’s the effort that counts,” would be to say, “I’m proud of you for trying to make a cake; most kids your age would never tackle that. And you got the ingredients just right!” or “I can see that you threw away the art project you started. I’m sorry you didn’t like it. But I’m proud that you took on such a difficult task.”
  • DO be receptive and helpful with your child’s personal problems, and seek help from professionals when appropriate. It takes only a few minutes each day to ask how your child feels and then listen attentively to what he or she says. Instead of asking general questions about school activities, for example, you could try drawing out your child to see if there are any personal problems you are unaware of. So instead of asking, “How was school today?” you might ask, “Was school better today? Yesterday you said that your teacher kept you in during recess. Did you go out today?” If the answer is yes or no, try to ask more leading questions, such as “What changed today that made things better (or worse)?” and then continue from there. Or, instead of asking, “Did you do your homework?” try asking something like “You said last week that you had a history report due. How is it coming?” If it seems that things are not going well, you may want to offer help or suggest some alternative strategies such as after-school assistance or engaging the services of a capable teenager or professional tutor.
  • DO offer opportunities to pursue individual interests. Your child can’t find areas to explore her individuality if she is not exposed to different activities. When notices for clubs or sports leagues are posted or handed out in school, encourage your child to enroll if she shows an interest. And get her presents that suit her interests. If she is interested in building, why buy her dolls? Children are often scared to try new things. By encouraging (but not forcing) them to try out new activities, we can help them discover areas in which they may express their individuality.
  • DO encourage your child to evaluate the opinions and values of others instead of submissively adopting them. It’s a sign of low self-esteem when a child accepts without question other people’s ideas and values. Encourage your child to weigh each situation instead of mindlessly going along with the decisions or opinions of others. At the same time, encourage him to seek support for his own ideas. This way, your child will learn to determine whether or not a value or opinion is of worth to him, and thereby gain power over his own decisions. This will help his self-esteem as a child, and will serve him well when he is older, when more potentially damaging ideas (such as drug use, sex, or prejudice, for example) will be presented to him.

 RESPECT

 Let’s turn to the third step, respect. Respect your child and she will learn to respect you. This old tale, “The King and His Sons,” says it well.

One rainy day, the king took a walk with his two children. He held an umbrella in each hand to cover and protect each child. A bystander approached and said, “Why are you protecting your children from the rain? You are the king! They should be protecting you.” His highness sagely replied, “If I do not show them respect, how will they learn to respect me? How will they learn to respect others? How will they learn to respect themselves?”

When children are treated with respect, they learn to respect themselves and others. So treat your child as you expect to be treated. Respect that is genuine, and not simply permissive, promotes self-esteem. It satisfies your child’s esteem needs. It makes her feel important-that you hold her in high esteem, and that you value and respect her as a person.

There are many ways you can show your child respect through your actions and words. Here are some important things to keep in mind.

  • DO NOT berate. Berating a child models negative behavior; it does not help her to learn, and it shows her total disrespect. For example, a parent who is helping a child to study for a test might make such berating comments as, “We just did this! What are you, stupid? You’re just not paying attention. Now pay attention!” By the end of the session, usually the child is crying and the parent is screaming. And the child may be heard the next day yelling at her classmate, “What are you, stupid?”
  • DO NOT be sarcastic. Sarcastic remarks are transparent ways of putting someone down, and if directed toward your child, she’ll know it. Many parents don’t realize that the processes of growth and change take time, and their own frustration causes them to resort to sarcasm. But if you show a lack of respect for your child, she will feel unworthy and less motivated to succeed.
  • DO ask your child to do grown-up tasks. There are many opportunities to do so. Asking him to do one at a critical time in his development may be a memorable gift you can give to him. At that moment, he has your respect and trust; he is someone. For example, when the need arises, ask him to answer the phone for you. Even if he forgets to write the person’s name next to the number, let him know that you appreciate his help. Next time the situation arises simply remind him to write down both the name and number. This way, he’ll learn the same lesson without feeling like a failure.
  • DO control your anger. Whether over homework or other issues, many parents become so angry with their children that they end up physically or verbally abusing them. When you get angry at your child, keep this in mind: If you respect someone, do you hit him? Do you curse at him? Do you insult him? Whenever you use physical force or verbal attacks against your child, you show a blatant disregard for his rights and teach him that this is the proper way to express anger and settle disputes. You teach him that it is okay to act on his feelings, when in fact it should be your goal to teach him to think first, and think clearly, before he acts.
  • DO be sure your child is being treated respectfully at school. Not only is it important for you to treat your child with respect; it is also important to be sure that your child is being treated respectfully at school.

As your child’s number-one advocate, be sure she is treated respectfully, both at home and at school. For the most part, teachers and other school personnel are wonderful, hard-working people who care about education and children. But sometimes they too need to be informed. If you see that your child is not being treated with the respect she deserves, call her teacher. Chances are he or she is unaware of your child’s problem and will appreciate your call.

  • DO respect one another. Within a family, parents and children need to strive to develop a mutual respect, which in time extends beyond the family. This is an ongoing process which involves parental role modeling (and usually an endless supply of parental patience and self-control).

Respect is often tested when children slip-up. How parents deal with these slip-ups delivers long lasting messages. Better than flying off the handle on the one hand, or merely shrugging the incidents off on the other, is for parents to deal with each situation, and those involved, in a respectful manner. This involves looking into the causes behind each situation, exploring options, and discussing alternative actions the child could have taken-in other words, maintaining respect. Therefore, when your child experiences some trouble in school, before you begin yelling or punishing, think about what you want to teach her.

In conclusion, in that you as a parent are your child’s most important significant other, you more than anyone else help to establish how your child feels about himself. If you genuinely accept, support and respect your child, and show it through your words and actions, then you are sowing the seeds of genuine self-esteem.

Copyright © 2008 Linda Silbert, Ph.D., and Alvin J. Silbert, Ed.D., all rights reserved.

Why Bad Grades Happen to Good Kids (Beaufort Books, NY, August 2007) came out to rave reviews by parents, teachers, physicians, and other professionals. The book introduces the “groundbreaking” STRONG method, a proven approach that empowers parents and teachers to help struggling students. By focusing on the six areas of the acronym STRONG — Self-esteem, Trust, Responsibility, Options, Needs, Goals — the reader learns how to identify the actual causes of a myriad of school problems and learn proven techniques to resolve them. This little book will surely make school days and home nights “a whole lot better.” The Silberts are founders/directors of STRONG Learning Centers® in New York. They’ve written over 40 books and 20 phonics games for children of all ages. To learn more about their STRONG method and their books and learning centers, visit their web site at www.oureducationalbooks.com. To subscribe to their free e-zine, send a blank email to: subscribe@stronglearning.com

Motivational Monday: My kid screwed up in school – What do I do about it?

May 12, 2008 at 12:49 pm | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, sports, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, Transcendent Tuesday, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | Leave a comment
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Welcome to GEM Parenting.

We are in the middle of Teenager Month.

This week we are going to be talking about how my kid screwed up in school, and what to do about it.  This can be anything from some major issue-failing or getting extremely low grades in school to having been a student who really strived to learn and do well to one who is still getting by, and my even be doing “well” by others’ standards, but you know they are failing internally.

You know you need to do something and understand what is going on, but you are at a loss as to what to do and why in the world is this happening.

Lets talk this Wednesday evening at

GEM Parenting Secrets to get a grip on the situation.  There are many ways of understanding your child.  My motto is, hopefully you know, Every Child is a GEM.  It will be from this approach that I am going to help you see the issues and problems of your child.

And with that in mind we are going to look and see you your love, positive intervention, and the use of parenting with passion, purpose and integrity can and will help your child turn from despondency to one with high self esteem and freedom to be excellent where ever that occurs.  To join this class please use the link below.  And follow the instructions for registration in the yellow box on the top left.  Visit my website at: www.GEMParenting.com 

In this hour-long teleclass I will be discussing: How the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens are also the demons that demoralize teens and preteens – making them screw up in school.

  1. Peer Pressure
  2. Media Influence and pressure
  3. Friends changing
  4. Education tracks
  5. Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
  6. How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

 When your teen screws up in school there are three main responses,

  • Wanting to really let your kid know they have screwed up and making them look at all they have ruined for themselves.
  • Ignoring that anything really happened and assuring yourself as parent that there is no real problem with your teen- It is just others and what is happening around your teen.
  • Deciding to somehow let your teen know that every one screws up. It is what you do with the screw that matters.

If you are in the last category, then this Wednesday evening’s GEM Parenting Secrets is for you. As I said, we will be looking at the mistakes and problems your teen has made from different perspectives, looking at ways to use positive intervention to help your teen develop and mature away from self demoralizing and self demeaning behaviors and toward behaviors that will instill a wonderful sense of well being that is independent of all the demands on teens these days.

Hope you will be free to join us.

Terrific Tuesday 

Come back to gain some wisdom from our expert.  Here at GEM Parenting, we really like to share views and ideas from others. 

Wednesday Wisdom

We call this Wednesday Wisdom because this is the day you get the real GEM Parenting Wisdom.  In the morning you can come check out the article that I have written.  And in the evening you can come join us for Live With Grace- GEM Parenting Secrets.

As you can see we are going on from last week where we talked about Taming the Teenager.  And incidentally, this series is still going on, so to be sure to be part of both check out Thoughtful Thursday.

We are going to look at how the same pressures and influences can have devastating results in school.  The influences are

  1. Peer Pressure
  2. Media Influence and pressure
  3. Friends changing
  4. Education tracks
  5. Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
  6. How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

Again we are expecting a lively discussion – parents of teens can be quite expressive!  If your teen or preteen screwed up in school this is THE opportunity to have your personal questions answered and elaborated upon.  If you are a teen or preteen parent of a screw up you have got to join us.  If you don’t it is not our fault when things screw up AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.  Find peace and stability for your family.  Join us.

This teleclass will be at 8:30pm eastern/5:30pm pacific.  I want to warn you, this will be filled with content, wisdom and inspiration.  We do have a nominal charge of $6.00 – it just helps us with overhead

 So you don’t need to worry about what to wear or worry about much.  A teleclass is simply a seminar done by phone and you can be on any phone from anywhere.

Thoughtful Thursday

Now if you simply can’t make the live teleseminar, we will have the podcast available for you on Thursday.  And if you are unsure of what a podcast is, it is a recording that you can down load to your computer or mp3 player.  This means you can listen to it at your leisure-while sweating away at the gym, taking a calm walk, driving wherever you go, or curled up in your jammies with a cup of relaxing tea.  And you do not actually have to listen to on Thursday.  This is the day we release it. 

 Feedback Friday

 You have got to come back because I almost always have a few more thoughts I didn’t get in or new thoughts that came to me after I was done, and of course this is the day I have answers to the question you have sent in.  Now is a really good time to send in your question about Your kid screwing up in school. 

And just to let you know, next week I am going to be talking about Prom Problems.  They are happening like wildfire all over right now.  So if you have concerns about your teen and Proms send in those questions as well.

There is no better way for me to help you than for you to send me your questions and concerns.  And that is my number one goal-help you be a happy, relaxed, reliable and responsible parent.  So please take a moment and send me your question.

And of course Saturday is

Creative Crayon Club

Here I am going to provide you with activities and ideas you can do with your teen.  These will not be how to talk about problems and issues, but how to DO things together, create things and play on a new level.  Your teen may have had problems in school so it is your duty to find ways to help your teen be a GEM in another light.  On Saturday we will be sharing things to help you find new facets in your teen GEM.

Enjoy your week!

Motivational Monday: Parenting Teens with Attitudes

May 5, 2008 at 11:03 pm | Posted in 1, children, Creative Crayon Club, dads, Families, Family Time, Focused Fridays, Fun Activities, GEM Parenting Secrets, Health, How To, marriage, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, relationships, Self Esteem, siblings, spirituality, sports, teens, Thoughtful Thursday, toddlers, Tweens, Wednesday Wisdom, Welcome | 2 Comments
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What a week this is going to be!

I know that anyone with teenagers can and does have the “attitude” issue.  I know from personal as well as professional experience.  I have a teenager right now, and I have a daughter well past being a teenager.  And of course I have worked with many, many teenagers.

So sit tight back and check out what we are going to do this week to help you to get rid of teenage attitude.

I am thrilled because I have been asked to be a guest on Tame the Teenager Series.  It will be replacing my regular GEM Parenting Secrets-Live with Grace-Wed evening program.

Check it out at: http://www.GEMParenting.com

In this hour-long teleseminar I will be discussing:

What are the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens these days?

1 Peer Pressure
2 Media Influence and pressure
3 Friends changing-
4 Education tracks
5 Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
6 How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

And I know if you have a teenager right now you have got to be worried about some or all of these dilemmas.  And if you are coming up to teenage parenting why not get acquainted with the problems before they are in your house.

Remember as a parent of a teen you may not actually like what your child is doing, but your responsibility is to nurture, protect and love your child.  And with these in action as well as mind you will help your teen learn to live with confidence, make appropriate decisions, and have reasonable self expectations.  And you will live the peace of mind that you are on top of things, not somehow lost at sea, waiting till the teen years are over, and hoping to land at a nice beach.

Terrific Tuesday 

Mark Todhunter who is hosting Tame the Teenager will be sharing his expertise about teen issues and solutions.

Wednesday Wisdom

We call this Wednesday Wisdom because this is the day you get the real GEM Parenting Wisdom.  In the morning you can come check out the article that I have written.  And in the evening you can come join us for Live With Grace- GEM Parenting Secrets.

I am really excited about this topic- Tame the Teenager- and thrilled to be a guest expert of Mark Todhunter.  I am going to share with you all about the six main dilemmas facing parents of teens these days.  Most of the answers are just what is concerning you. 

1 Peer Pressure
2 Media Influence and pressure
3 Friends changing-
4 Education tracks
5 Drugs/Sex/Alcohol/Shoplifting
6 How to set limitations, guidelines, and still create more freedom

This will be a lively discussion, with the opportunity to have your personal questions answered and elaborated upon.  If you are a teen or preteen parent you have got to join us.  If you don’t it is not our fault when things screw up and you are so lost you can’t figure how to even be in the same room with your teen. 

This teleseminar will be at 8:00pm eastern/5:00pm pacific.

To register for free and to get call in information for all four classes in May, please type your first name and email address below.

First Name:
 
Email Address:
 
 

And since I am the guest there is no charge for this.  (Even though our normal charge in minimal-it just helps with overhead)

And you can be anywhere with a phone, so you don’t need to worry about what to wear or worry about much.  A teleseminar is simply a seminar done by phone.

Thoughtful Thursday

Now if you simply can’t make the live teleseminar, we will have the podcast available for you on Thursday.  And if you are unsure of what a podcast is, it is a recording that you can down load to your computer or mp3 player.  This means you can listen to it at your leisure-while sweating away at the gym, taking a calm walk, driving wherever you go, or curled up in your jammies with a cup of relaxing tea.

Feedback Friday

You have got to come back because I almost always have a few more thoughts I didn’t get in or new thoughts that came to me after I was done, and of course this is the day I have answers to the question you have sent in.  Now is a really good time to send in your question about Taming the Teenager. 

And just to let you know, next week I am going to be talking about what to do if your kid did not do well in school this year.  So if you have concerns about this send in those questions as well.

There is no better way for me to help you than for you to send me your questions and concerns.  And that is my number one goal-help you be a happy, relaxed, reliable and responsible parent.  So please take a moment and send me your question.

And of course Saturday is…

Creative Crayon Club

Here I am going to provide you with activities and ideas you can do with your teenagers that will spark their imagination, make you look like a totally cool parent, build your new bond, and help you stay the responsible parent that I know you can be.

 

 

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