The Worst Moment was seeing the Love and Devotion Being Torn Apart

September 19, 2011 at 11:06 pm | Posted in ACL recovery, attitudes, Move to Park City Utah, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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That evening when I picked up Jeanee after ramping, she was all excited about what she had accomplished that day. It was great to see her so excited and bubbly. And it reaffirmed to me that her interest and involvement in freeskiing was pure, just as Jeanee is with everything she does.

Still I wanted to warn her about Jamie. I just had this feeling that if I could have a moment of hating Jeanee, then Jamie might have an uncontrolled outburst of hating Jeanee. And her hatred would be just the same as mine- Not at Jeanee- It would be 100% misplaced anger with Jeanee getting the brunt of it.

Jeanee understood how Jamie might be mad at her, even though she had nothing to do with Jamie’s injury. I told her this might come up in the next week or so. I told her about my feeling the day before. And how it was really displaced anger.

And that great and wonderful kid smiled and told me she would probably have done the same. “It’s OK mama- I know you are just confused and upset- It’s not me you are angry at. And you can’t be angry at Jamie. And if you got mad a Jilly- Well, that would just be terrible with her temper.”

We walked in the house and Jeanee went upstairs to say hi to Jamie. Who screamed, “Get out of my room. I hate you. You took everything from me and now I have nothing.”

Jeanee left the room, which incidentally the girls actually share so it was as much Jeanee’s room as it was Jamie’s.

This was the worst moment for me, seeing the love and devotion that those two girls had for each other be torn apart. I couldn’t blame Jamie for her anger, disappointment, and even hatred. And even though I had told Jeanee about this possibility, how would she really take it? Could she let it roll off her? Could she really understand from her heart what was going on? Not just from her head- we can often understand from our head what our hearts have no idea how to handle.

I could do nothing while this was going on- but hope and pray that somehow Jeanee would be OK and Jamie would get over this.

For dinner Jamie stormed down the stairs (and with crutches this makes quite a scene!) and hollered at Jeanee once again.
“Get out of here. I HATE you. If you don’t go someplace I will hurt you.”

Jeanee quietly went upstairs. Jamie sat at the table with horrible, negative, dark energy swirling around her. She ranted for a few minutes about how much she hated Jeanee. I told her I could understand her feelings. I understood why and how she hated Jeanee.

As tough as it was, I never negated Jamie’s feelings. I allowed them. I didn’t encourage them though. I just let them be.

It was my instinct, and it was right. After only five minutes of this ranting Jamie started to cry.

“I can’t hate my little sister. She didn’t cause my accident. She is so sweet and wonderful. I love my little sister. I love Jeanee!”

Jeanee came back down and dinner went on- Yes we were quiet, not our usual talking bouncing all over the place conversations. But what we had was unspeakable. It was deep love and respect.

Later I told Jeanee that I guess I was right on target about Jamie, only I didn’t think it would happen so soon. I asked her if it helped that I had warned her.

“Oh yes- I’m not sure how I would have handled it if I didn’t have your warning.”
The rest of the evening- and late into the night we watched funny movies.

Things were getting better for sure.

Her Dad Was Able to Express His Feelings of Despair

September 19, 2011 at 11:01 am | Posted in ACL recovery, attitudes, dads, Move to Park City Utah, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Friday was much the same as Thursday, starting with physical therapy at 7 am. In the afternoon we went to another Dr in hopes that he would say there was some other alternative than surgery and six months of rephab with the same risk factor as before.

Jamie’s depression was severe when we left the second Dr. And I had had to ask for rides for Jeanee both to and from school. Man, I hated arriving in Park City and being so needy.

In the afternoon I really had to get away from Jamie for a little while. I had Jilly stay in the room with her- and I took Jeanee to ramps. I also called all my relatives again- giving them the update- which was still dismal.

The call with Jamie’s dad was still the toughest to do.

Giving the information was not so tough, but
“When can I call her?”
“I don’t know yet. She is acutely depressed and if you talk to her it could send her off the deep end right now.”
“I know she is depressed, but how would you feel if you couldn’t talk to her?”
“Terrible. There is no denying you feel terrible that she won’t talk to you right now.”
“I’m her father. I have a right to talk to her.”
“Yes you are her father and of course you have a right to talk to her. OR you can decide that as much as you hurt, you will respect her wishes and wait till she tells me to tell you that you can call her.”
“I’m going to call her today.”
“Of course you can. I will not tell you can’t call your own daughter, but I do think you may want to think about respecting her needs and wishes right now.
“I’ll think about it- Goodbye”

So of course he respected Jamie and waited till she was ready to talk to him, that was not till Sunday- two days later. I am sure that being the parent that has to wait is excruciatingly painful. Either way, being the parent of a child that is injured is tough. I am so grateful that her dad was able to express his feelings of despair to me and still be able to respect Jamie- Not easy to do for sure.

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