GEM Parenting: Inspiration For Parents of Young Female Athletes

Positive Intervention for Mom of Lying Teen

May 27, 2009 at 10:39 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
Tags: children, children and lying, Mothers, parent blogs, parent coaching, parent support, positive intervention, positive parenting, Self Esteem, teens, teens and lying

When you go through parenting you have times when your child is somehow completely out of connection with you.

How can you be able to intervene, give positive guidance, and know what to do about your child’s dis-connection?

Read on to see what I say to Gloria

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Question from Gloria:

First of all thank you so much for continually reaching out to us mother’s.
One of my biggest problem is I cannot trust my 13 yr old son.  He lies so many times and I don’t know when he is telling the truth.
Please give me some intervention.

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Response:

Gloria,

When a child lies it really hits our core as a mother.
I will be glad to address this issue.

“The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.”  ~Honoré de Balzac

When most people read this they think that this is what mothers do for their children.  And of course we do.  But I want to add here that you give this thing called forgiveness to yourself.

When you find that your son has lied, the first thing you do is forgive yourself.  Let it be clear to you that you have tried and are trying your best.   When you let yourself be free from the punishments I assume you are giving yourself then you can go the next few steps.

Have you forgiven yourself?  It’s not easy, but do that for real – out loud – before you go on to the next step.

You say, “I forgive me for the lying that my child has done”

Next you use all your power to forgive your child.  This is not to say accept, ignore, or wash away the lying.  When your son is lying to you over and over, he is reaching out to have something changed.  Yet you have no idea.  And he may not have any idea what needs changing.

When you find your son has lied say, “I forgive you for lying to me.”
Each and every time.  This intervention shows that you do care about your son.

Then say: “When you are ready you can tell me why you lied.”

Now is the hard part -TRUST-

You have to trust your love.  Give full strength and power to your love.  Trust your love…
then speak, look away, cry, maybe even yell.

But do nothing till you know you are forgiving and loving both yourself and your son.

I had a daughter who lied to me for a few years.  It took all my energy and strength to try and fight this lying.  But when I gave up the fight and forgave myself for what I could not control only then could I begin to forgive her.

The forgiveness I gave her, over and over, let loose the love that was hiding behind trying to force her to be honest with me.

She did not stop lying the first time.  It took a while.  But as I forgave both of us, and let my love to her flow, I stopped punishing her, I began to see why she was lying, and I was able to help her to pass this stage with a few growing scars, but nothing permanent.

What was she missing?  As she was changing from child to teen and I had more children she needed to know that I loved her as much as the others.

It turns out what she needed most was forgiveness and love.  With these came her renewed natural high self esteem.

Be a parent with passion, purpose, and integrity,
Forgive yourself, forgive your son, and trust your love,

Grace

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