Parenting the Hungry Horrors

May 18, 2009 at 6:59 am | Posted in attitudes, Families, Motivational Monday, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Happy Motivational Monday

If you find this interesting
And helpful please
pass it along to your friends.

Again thanks to those who emailed me
with your concerns and issues.

It’s still important to email your concerns-
You joined GEM Parenting because
need help with your parenting.
You want to understand and develop
your parenting, reduce your stress and
overwhelm, and let your kids grow up
with natural high self-esteem.

And you certainly don’t want the national hazard
of having a brat for a kid.

And for some reason that just isn’t so simple.

Post or email your concerns and issues.
Get your guidance.
And help others who are suffering with your issue,
but not quite ready to share.

I will post  a personal response to share.

Of course with your personal stuff removed if you emailed me.
****************************************************
Question:

It seems like I’m my one biggest enemy and I am the one who needs to change in order to become a better parent. And I really struggle w/that. But I do want to be a good mother and I love my children very much. My daughter has a similar personality than I do. Both of my children are very active. We are a creative artistic family.  So organization is not our strength. My dd (6 years old) has a strong will, that can be frustrating. What is the best response when I tell her to do something and she simply refuses? Or she simply says, “No I don’t want to”. I tell her that that is not ok. And she often gets mad when I make her do something. Sure she has a strong will. How can I deal w/that? I started homeschooling her in fall, that goes pretty ok. I don’t know how much hunger and being tired has to do w/ it. Thanks Friederike

Response:

Friederike,
The first and foremost thing to do is not beat yourself up about your parenting.  You are doing the most important thing- loving your children.  I know it seems incomprehensible, but there are some who actually don’t love their children.

Second, because you see yourself that you need to get our of your way, you can actually get going on your positive parenting journey much easier than those who think it is some outside force holing them hostage.

Lets start with the basics- I think hunger and being tired have tons to do with kids (and grown ups) getting mad and exerting their strong will.

In my house we have a term for this:

THE HUNGRY HORRORS

And my youngest (8) and oldest (25) are the worst.  The best way to combat this is to have food like apples, grapes and carrots available at all times.  My kids love the big carrots that aren’t even peeled.  And we eat lots of hummos with our carrots.

Its pretty important to stay away from ANY kind of food
that is processed.  These may abate the hunger for
a short time, but will actually make the Hungry Horrors come back
with more strength and power.

Now we do eat some crap, but NEVER when we are having the hungry horrors.

And yes kids get tired, but just like it can take years to get potty training to
be accident free, it takes kids even more years to regulate getting
enough rest time.  And our culture is really pushing no rest to the limit!

When I was a kid- way back in the last century- it was pretty normal for kids to have a rest time IN SCHOOL with a blanket to lie down on and everything- till about eight years old.  And I was in an innovative- hip school.

We are all so busy now keeping up with all that there is to offer, what with internet, programs, books, electronics, easy connections on all fronts.  So make a rest time- and as a family rest.  Put it as a priority.  The rest does not have to be sleeping- it can be looking at picture books, reading, coloring, listening to music, you reading to the kids, just please no electronics.

Because of the older kids busy schedules my youngest had much less rest time when she was six and seven than any of the others- and it really showed. We put back her rest/quiet time and she is much calmer, less stubborn, and able to hear what is asked of her without flying off the handle- well at least not everytime.

Even with all this, your DD will still be stubborn and willful.  As a general rule give her options.  “You can clean your room now or in 15 minutes.  When do you want to start?”  Then turn the timer on for 15 minutes, as she will most likely think she can get out of it. When the timer goes off, be ready to calmly and continually repeat, “Its your time to clean up now.  This is your choice.”  Be sure to use the word “your” as much as possible.  This gives the ownership and responsibility to her.  And REPEAT with the same words, same calm tone.

I have done this- with my last mind you- for up to thirty minutes.  She would scream, yell, storm out of the house, only to return and have me repeating calmly to her that she had to do what ever it was.

After a few of these sessions, she began to get the picture. She would have to follow through with her choice.

Oh one more thing- when she wised up and said’  “ I don’t want to do either.” I said that wasn’t a choice.  And repeated her choices.

*********************************************************
New section of the Motivational Monday:
On my home front:

Last night my friend invited my girls and me
to join her at a circle dance.
It was an evening full of energy and joy.

Today and tomorrow we will be getting
my 16 DD ready to go to Lake Placid.
She will be training there for about five months.
(with some training trips to snow and a vaca with us
slipped in)

We take her on Wed.
As a mom I am in the complete mix of
total WOW pride
and thrilled that my daughter is
doing this fantastic and amazing thing and
with every breath I am feeling the sadness of her going away.

*************************************************************

Have a great week.
Be a parent with passion, purpose, and integrity,

Grace

PS: If finances are an issue, parenitngpodcasts at
http://GEMParenting.com/store.htm
are $6.

Scroll through and find the one you want.

Parent to parent
I wish you strength and courage.
Now be your best parent with
Passion, Purpose and Integrity.

Grace

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