Mom uses positive intervention. Can you?

February 26, 2009 at 2:36 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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Today I was out having breakfast with my friend and of course we had a small pack of kids with us. After we ate the kids went out side, but wince they did not have on their snow clothes we did ask them to play out of the snow. Tough order for NH kids!

We could see out the window and a mild tussle was happening between he older and younger kids. And sort of naturally the older kids were winning. One of the younger kids slipped on the ice. He came running in to his mom.

Now like all moms she had lots of options. She could have pooh-poohed the whole incident, tried to find out what REALLY happened, blame the other child, blamed her child.

Since we were just leaving the breakfast shop we got in our respective cars to meet a little later on. When we met an hour later here is what she did. NONE of the above.

She helped- that means she did not tell- her child to understand that there were other options than just running in to mom. And the real issue was that somehow his feelings or pride was hurt (as well as his head that he hit) and as he grows older to face these feelings, get away from the group for a moment and then get back involved would be a good way to handle these kinds of situations.

What a great mom. No blame, no justification, simply a new way to handle a tough situation.

Now as you go through your trials and tribulations as a parent try to leave out the blame, guilt, or be tough stuff. Guide with positive intervention.
When you use positive intervention you aare sure to raise your child with solid and natural high self-esteem

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Some Unorthodox Potty Training Tips

February 23, 2009 at 5:16 pm | Posted in 1 | 7 Comments
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Are you in the midst of potty training? Sort of able to get things going, but not really having much luck? Looking for some tried an tested methods from a mom? Then read on.
The first thing I want you to do is relax.
Your child will potty train.

And through the process you can learn some
pretty interesting things about yourself and her.

The next thing I want you to do is to understand this is a
PROCESS.

One of the things we have gone to as a society is
looking at the product not the process. In this case
being potty trained rather than the time and effort
involved the training.

But we are human beings, not machines,
so as you go through the process of potty training look for
humor, look for stress, look for understanding,
and look for patience, look for who controls things.

Look for all these in both you and your daughter.
As you go along see what feels right emotionally as
well as what gets the results you want- i.e. pee in the potty.

Now here is what you really want to know about.
The real unorthodox tips for potty training:

Number 1-For any where between one week and four weeks
every two hours you and your daughter go potty at the same time.
This mean you sit on your potty and she sits on hers.

Try to see who can make the tinkle sound first.
Play pat a cake as you wait
Sometimes softly running water helps things along.

Number 2-Have a few potties around the house.
One in each bathroom that will be used. Certainly one on each floor.
I also had one near the bed. With a boot tray under it so that
any spills went onto that.

I also brought the potty around with me for a month
or so. It was just the pee catcher part, not the whole thing.

This is a real out there thing that I did.
I spent a great deal of time in my kitchen so
I had a potty right there.- Sort of near the trash-LOL.

And the kind of potty is also helpful.
The most helpful potty is the old fashioned
wooden kind that folds up and has a tray in front.
I would give my daughters things to do, eat, look at
while sitting on the potty.

These all help your child to know the
feeling of needing to go potty.

Number 3-Be calm about the whole thing.

And reflect if there is any sort of feelings on your part
of her babyhood going away, any kind of emotion
that your baby is going off to preschool already.

These can get in the way of the process of her potty training
and are PERFECTLY natural and normal. Don’t let anyone fool you,
most mommies have these mixed feelings.

Stop Gap to Being an Unmotivated Parent

February 16, 2009 at 7:07 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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Its Motivational Monday and do you have any thing to be motivated about?
There are those days when you just feel like the whole world is against you. From yourself to the very ones you know love you the most.

When these days occur as a parent you can really get stressed and overwhelmed. It seems that you are just going through some motion and it really doesn’t matter if you do much of anything because you just know that it will come out all wrong.

BUT WAIT- there are things for you to do. First, you have got to take just a moment to eat some thing healthy and have a nice drink of plain water, milk, herbal tea. Many times when you are feeling so deprived in your life it is totally associated with not having healthy food intake. And beware all the fake healthy food stuff. If in doubt eat or drink plain fruit, hard cheese, veggies, and drink plain water. Most water that has anything added had stuff that is not really good for you. It’s often just unfizzzy soda!

Now after you take the time for a snack you’ll be starting to get out of “I am not good at anything.”

The next thing I want you to try is to actually read, sing, or play a game with your kids. Even if they are the ones who are putting you in this miserable state, cause you know what? If you didn’t have kids you would be in this miserable state anyway. You would just have another reason. So take some time to read, play, sing, and yes this is with older kids and teens as well. And if you really can’t get yourself to do this, try taking a walk.

Now look at your world, is it truly as horrible as you think? Is everything really against you? OR more likely have you put it together to be this way? Have you put more negatives on things than are reality?

It’s super easy to do. So when you get in the slump of being totally unmotivated, feeling the world is just one anti you, give yourself a kick in the pants and pull yourself up by the bootstraps. And if this persists as in real depression then for goodness sake don’t read this and get some real help.

Bottom line:
GEM Parenting’s Monday Motivation for today:
Check your healthy food intake status, take time to do something relaxing with your kids, and change your attitude or get help to do that.

Have a great day!

Positive Intervention Stops Tantrum

February 12, 2009 at 2:53 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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This morning I headed off to the Chiropractor at 5:45 so I could be back home before getting the girls up. Of course my 16 year old was home in case of emergency.

We had breakfast, then out the door for the morning meeting of the two ski-training girls. After brought the 12 year old and the eight year old home. And I went to yoga- all this to try and heal my poor aching back-

And the last thin I said to the girls was, do your math and if you feel like killing each other eat something and go to different rooms.

Yoga-calming, difficult, strengthening and stretching. What I need for my body, and my soul.

And when I returned, the tantrum was happening. The eight year old was making a LOT of noise. The twelve year old was being coy and calm.

Of course I new exactly what had happened. The twelve year old had done something that made the eight-year feel overpowered. But beyond that there was the simple thing called hunger.

I call it the Hungry Horrors. And most kids get it. It that thing when your kids just have no reason, have no sense. And are completely horrible.

I had been telling my eight year old if she could not get a grip on her tantrums and eat when the feeling began she would have to go to Mommy jail.

Jail is for people who cannot be socially acceptable and do things that are harmful to the society they are in.

So to day was the day. I told her she was going to jail.
She stormed down the stairs, went into the half bathroom and slammed the door. Yelled about how much she hated her sister, me, and well a lot of other yelling that I didn’t really pay attention to.

I made a plate of appealing food (not special) and put on the sink counter and closed the door- Lots more noise. Then things got quieter. And after about thirty minutes she was in the bathroom, having found a string and playing and singing happily.

THEN we talked. We talked about you don’t feel hungry before a tantrum, but you are. We talked about feeling ashamed of shouting and being rude and unpleasant.

And all by herself she decided to ask her sister to come and visit her. I left and called the sister to come.

The apology was sweet and simple. “Sorry I had a tantrum. Guess I don’t really hate you.”
After one and half hours in the bathroom- remember she was playing and singing at this point, I changed the jail to her bedroom.

She has been there for two and half more hours- that’s a total of four and half hours.

Will she ever have a tantrum again? Of course. Will she be better able to deal with it? I expect so. Does she feel guilty fro her tantrum? Not a chance. She forgave herself, her sister, and everyone accepted her apology.

This is serious positive intervention after the event. She was not punished; her behaviors where diverted, strictly stopped and allowed to open in a new and positive direction.

Is There Really a Way to Stop an Eight Year Old from Tantrumming?

February 12, 2009 at 2:51 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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This morning I headed off to the Chiropractor at 5:45 so I could be back home before getting the girls up. Of course my 16 year old was home in case of emergency.

We had breakfast, then out the door for the morning meeting of the two ski-training girls. After brought the 12 year old and the eight year old home. And I went to yoga- all this to try and heal my poor aching back-

And the last thin I said to the girls was, do your math and if you feel like killing each other eat something and go to different rooms.

Yoga-calming, difficult, strengthening and stretching. What I need for my body, and my soul.

And when I returned, the tantrum was happening. The eight year old was making a LOT of noise. The twelve year old was being coy and calm.

Of course I new exactly what had happened. The twelve year old had done something that made the eight-year feel overpowered. But beyond that there was the simple thing called hunger.

I call it the Hungry Horrors. And most kids get it. It that thing when your kids just have no reason, have no sense. And are completely horrible.

I had been telling my eight year old if she could not get a grip on her tantrums and eat when the feeling began she would have to go to Mommy jail.

Jail is for people who cannot be socially acceptable and do things that are harmful to the society they are in.

So to day was the day. I told her she was going to jail.
She stormed down the stairs, went into the half bathroom and slammed the door. Yelled about how much she hated her sister, me, and well a lot of other yelling that I didn’t really pay attention to.

I made a plate of appealing food (not special) and put on the sink counter and closed the door- Lots more noise. Then things got quieter. And after about thirty minutes she was in the bathroom, having found a string and playing and singing happily.

THEN we talked. We talked about you don’t feel hungry before a tantrum, but you are. We talked about feeling ashamed of shouting and being rude and unpleasant.

And all by herself she decided to ask her sister to come and visit her. I left and called the sister to come.

The apology was sweet and simple. “Sorry I had a tantrum. Guess I don’t really hate you.”
After one and half hours in the bathroom- remember she was playing and singing at this point, I changed the jail to her bedroom.

She has been there for two and half more hours- that’s a total of four and half hours.

Will she ever have a tantrum again? Of course. Will she be better able to deal with it? I expect so. Does she feel guilty fro her tantrum? Not a chance. She forgave herself, her sister, and everyone accepted her apology.

This is serious positive intervention after the event. She was not punished; her behaviors where diverted, strictly stopped and allowed to open in a new and positive direction.

The day ended with Burnt Soup

February 11, 2009 at 8:50 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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I started today with the idea that I would find wonder in my life. I would find wonder in my parenting. I would find wonder in my children.
Instead I began with my 16 year old daughter needing to change her competition plans for the weekend-meaning I had to be in contact with coaches and rearrange travel plans. These changes were for my benefit as well. It meant I would not be driving twelve hours this weekend.
Then we jumped in the car to have a very flat tire.
When AAA came they could not get the spare to come down. So it had to be towed.
And at this very same time the condo maintenance guy who was fixing our floor from some fall flooding episodes came and began shoveling exactly where the girls had made a sledding shoot. He had finally come back to get something done so we could use the room for the rest of the winter. he did fix the sledding start. But he had to leave because we had stuff on the cement and he could not put the floor down.
I spent a few hours getting things arranged for my daughter, to find that the race that she was going to on Thursday was canceled. So she was staying home tonight.
OK, we got to have her home for dinner.
The garage where the car was towed informed me the tire was shot-I did know this already- so I had to pump out money for two new tires since the other was really bad too.
In the late afternoon I made a really good turkey soup, set it to boil, and
Yep you guessed it, left it to boil when I went to physical therapy, which was at the nearby pool. So my whole family went to the pool for a swim.
Its really great how the smoke detectors worked. The smoke was truly pea soup thick, and those obnoxious noise makers when we cook toast or open the bathroom door after a shower were silent!
Dinner was now a new idea, clean up a necessity, and wonder gone.
But I clung to my wonder. I thought good and hard and did find wonder that I actually did not cry or become hysterical or yell at my kids.
That was truly a day filled with wonder.

What a day

February 11, 2009 at 2:34 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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Today was truly a Grace on the NOT go day. I got up with high spirits and lots to do. Most was fairly home bound, but a bit of driving.
As a matter of fact the first thing i had to do was drive the girls to the morning meeting of the ski academy. And thats when I found out I was going to be NOT going.
I had a flat tire.
So I was stopped in my tracks.
And I have had all kinds of little things getting in the way of progress for me today.
But somehow I have just kept going with the flow and now I feel that, although few of the things I had intended to are done, I still feel I have accomplished wonderful things.
And isn’t that what I set out to do today? Find wonder in my daily doings? Sometimes I find wonder in spirituality, sometimes in just being able to cope with a flat tire and six other event changes of the day.
Now I am going to take me for a cross country ski wonderful time.
Anything wonderful happen with you today?

Are You Up For Wonder?

February 11, 2009 at 6:44 am | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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I call today Wonderful Wednesday. I call it this because I think there is wonder in the day. Not just in the common sense of good things happening, but in the more spiritual mystical sense of actual wonder. Here is the Encarta World English Dictionary definition:

won·der n
1. amazed admiration or awe, especially at something very beautiful or new
2. a miracle or other cause of intense admiration or awe

adj
exciting admiration or amazement by virtue of being outstandingly good, effective, or unusual

v
1. vti to speculate or be curious to know about something
2. vi to be in a state of amazed admiration or awe

Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

With these different kinds of wonder we have levels of wonder. One level of wonder is to be interested. If you are a parent and you take time to be totally and completely interested in your kids today, putting yourself in their shoes, you will find a new and wholly different way of connecting and communicating.

Remember what you were like when you were their age. What were you reactions to the world? Did you have everything all set? Were your parents aware of you? Did they help you? Did they do things for you?

Now go a step deeper. Find the wonder of being a parent. Find within yourself what you know is amazing. Let that shine. Polish it. Bring it out and let your children find wonder in you.

There is the saying, “What goes Around Comes Around.” Let wonder flow in you, around you, and from you. Let wonder go today. See where it goes and how it comes back.

Share your experience in the comments. They are wonderful!

Mashed Potatoes with Spinach Topped with Turkey Sauce. Ingredients:

February 10, 2009 at 3:59 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment
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Great Left Over Turkey Dinner Idea

Mashed Potatoes with Spinach Topped with Turkey Sauce.

Ingredients:
5 medium gold potatoes
1 Cup plain yogurt
1 pound spinach-large bag size

Two stocks celery,
Small yellow onion
Two cups turkey

Olive oil
Sliced baby portabella mushrooms

Two table spoons flour
Poultry seasonings to taste
Two cups turkey or chicken broth

What you do:
Quarter potatoes and boil- I left the skins on but you can peal if you prefer.
Let cook for twenty-five minutes

While they boil chop celery, onions, and turkey finely.

In a wide pan put in olive oil- till it is thinly covered
When warm put in mushrooms
And flour stir for about 30 seconds to a minute
Add broth –use a whisk to blend

Add chopped ingredients
Add seasonings to taste
Stir and let simmer

To the potatoes add the spinach.
Let the spinach cook as much as you like-just wilted or completely cooked

Drain potatoes,
Mash add yogurt

Put on plates,
Spoon turkey sauce over them.

A weekend of Events for my family

February 9, 2009 at 12:00 pm | Posted in 1 | Leave a comment

What I weekend I just had. It actually started on Friday. My 16 year-old daughter had an aerials competition. That is doing flips on skis. She is new to the sport this winter. And guess what! She won.

Then my father flew in from Oklahoma. Great to have him with us.

Then on Saturday the same daughter had a moguls competition. For this my 82 year-old father and I both began climbing up the mountain. As we were going I saw one of my friends who works at the mountain and drives the snow mobile with supplies. I flagged him down. He gave my dad a ride to the STEEP part. Came back and got me. And we hiked the remaining portion of the hardest part of the mountain. Remember we were going in snow. So I kicked out steps the whole way up for my father. (My toes were a little tired on Sunday.) We got there in time to see the competition. And my daughter made the cut for the second run. Yahoo. I left my father up there with my youngest daughter and husband.

And I fairly ran down the mountain.

I had to get my 12-year-old daughter to a special dance program in town- 30 minutes away. Once I got her settled, I high tailed it back to the mountain. My friend brought me back up and I was there just as the second run was starting.

Once again I was there to see my daughter. As soon as the girls were done my dad and I began our careful descent, again I made steps. And as soon as we were at a level where my friend could get my dad he rode down the rest of the way.

Let me tell you it was a wonderful sight to see my dad zooming along on that snow mobile, holding on for dear life, and the grin of “whoopee this is fun” was priceless.

And when I got down my 16 year-old had gone over to the park. (The park is where there are jumps to do tricks and boxes and rails to slide across.) She was going to do a competition there on Sunday and needed to learn how to do the boxes.

For the afternoon my 8 year old had gone to her ski group. But before they went out they had the awards ceremony for the mogul competition that they had last weekend. We did not know it was happening. So with her friends and other parents, she went to the ceremony. And she won! She had the best run of all. She was elated. When we found out we were sorry to have missed it.

As soon as the skiing was done my two daughters and I jumped in the car and headed to town. We had a dress rehearsal and lighting session for a performance.

You see my 12 year old had choreographed a dance for my three girls. And submitted it for an audition. And her dance was accepted. There were nine out of about sixty. Quite a thing. And she was the only child who choreographed the dance. All the others were dance teachers. And the performance was Saturday night.

As soon as the rehearsal was over we went home had dinner and went back to for the performance. As we were getting in the car there was tension. And I had to get things back under control. My husband is not good with this kind of frazzled activity. He was grumbled some rather unpleasant comment about the 8 year old.

I just stopped the car. Spoke to each person in my car (Well except my father) and reminded them of the behavior they were capable of doing and the expectations I had for them to use their inner strength to actually behave calmly and civilly. And it worked. We were off.

Just before the performance was a dessert reception- No desserts for my kids then. But they stocked up for later.

And we went back to the dressing room and got ready. It was not anything like any of the millions of recitals I have been to. There were only the nine groups. There were a few adults around. And someone came to the door and said, “Five minutes” and that was it. We were ready, calmly walked to the back stage went to the side stage. We were second. No one told us anything to do. After the first group was done the girls went on stage. Just like that. No on telling them to do anything. And the dance was absolutely perfect. They danced to Vivaldi’s “Fall” of The Four Seasons.

Of course when the whole performance was finished, we hung round a bit and the girls were complimented over and over. Some said it was their favorite piece of all.

Yesterday, Sunday was another day of competitions and a race. The 16 year old had a slope style competition in the morning. This means she came over three big jumps, and did a small jump and finished by going over a long box. And at the same time my 12 year old had a GS race. And the eight year old was in her group doing the mountain challenge- trying to ski every run on the mountain. In the afternoon the 16 year old had the half pipe competition.

So I went to the race, saw where they were, went back to the place where the slope style was and was there with one minute to spare. My daughter was fantastic. She did a huge spread eagle, then she did a front flip and finished with a double spread eagle. Her low tricks were a 360 spin and a twister slide on the box. Then I ran back to the race. Mind you this is going up and down the mountain on the hard packed snow.

I was there with five minutes to spare before my 12 year old. She had a nice run, but it was not her best.

I went in for lunch with the eight and 12 year olds. Then I went back to the slope style competition. Saw the second run. Still spectacular, but the wind had picked up so she did not do the flip. Then my father and I went in for warmth and lunch.

After lunch I watched the half pipe competition warm ups, but had to leave before they started to see the 12 year old. Again she had a good run, but she made a mistake and was not as fast as she wanted to be.

Back to the half pipe, my father along this time. We saw the second run of the half pipe. Amazing what these kids can do on skis.

And after all that we had awards.
The sixteen year old cleaned up. She won the slope style and the half pipe, AND she won the two over all awards. And she won a puffy black jacket.

The 12 year old came in sixth. Not bad, but not where she wanted to be.

Then things began to break down. The 12 year old was miserable that she had done fine while her big sister had done an extraordinary thing. And the eight year-old began to have melt down.

The 16 year old was very wise and went to the academy where her friends were and had dinner there. I fed the rest of us, soothed the 12 year old and helped her remember that she has other talents and all talents do not get awards and recognitions. It was a sticky situation. Trying to be elated for one, and sympathetic for the other. And keeping the third from tantrumming about anything and everything.

Anyway they did all get the attention they needed. And I was exhausted. We went to bed at 7:00, read a while and slept.

Today we are a bit tired, a bit cranky, but mostly thrilled with having had a weekend filled with the opportunity to shine and sparkle.

After writing all this I am exhausted all over again.

Take care and have a wonderful day,

Gracee

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