How Can Early Socialization Screw Up Your Child?

August 4, 2008 at 3:07 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | 5 Comments
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Motivational Monday:

I had a question asking about socializing her four year old.

Here is a slightly changed response:

I do not think if you are interacting with your child as an at home mom there is any need to worry about getting her “ready” for school by sending her to day care, preschool, or any otherout of home, no mother involved experience.

What you are giving your daughter in terms of love, guidance, andsupport will give her more than any other program can offer.

Many mothers do not stay at home because they do not have an option.They need to work to make financial ends meet.  

Believe me, there is nothing better than being with your child as long as you can.

As far as getting your daughter to be social and have social interactions, simply do activities that you both enjoy.

You daughter does not need to have lots of friends, be with the same people all the time, or be away form you to develop her independence

and her own personality.

When children are shuttled off to day care, set with peer groups at these young ages parents are teaching their children be dependent on peer pressure.  Being a part of the group and culture is more important than individual strength and character.  These parents are teaching their children to be dependent on other esteem, rather than self-esteem.

What you are doing in your “old fashioned” way is setting the foundation for your daughter to have natural high self-esteem, to be self resilient and self reliant.  You are teaching your child how to avoid the problems, stress, and anxieties caused by peer pressure.

And you are saving yourself thousands of dollars.  You will not need to purchase everything so that your daughter fits in.  You will not need to sign up for every program that comes along. You may even save money on future therapy.

Be proud and content that you have chosen the best, hardest, most rewarding, most frustrating, fulfilling, lonely, emotionally charged, and with out question joy and wonder filled path for any mother.

By choosing this “old fashioned” path you are re-pioneering and repeating what history has proved over and over.  Mothering is the most rewarding thing you can do.  And it is the most beneficial way you can raise your daughter.



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  1. This paragraph: “When children are shuttled off to day care, set with peer groups at these young ages parents are teaching their children be dependent on peer pressure. Being a part of the group and culture is more important than individual strength and character. These parents are teaching their children to be dependent on other esteem, rather than self-esteem.” is personally offensive to me. Not only is it an ignorant but a very judgemental statement. My children have been in a wonderful family childcare program while I have a professional job (in early childhood at that) and not only do they have solid self-esteem, individual strength and character, (as you suggest they are lacking or do not see the value of) but they are friendly, well-adjusted, and smart. My family and my childcare provider take great pride in how we have raised our two boys to be respectful, curious, and wonderful children to date. It takes a village and when you (if you are able) to accept different ways of child rearing, you’ll realize that it’s more about the values you teach your children than who the caregiver is during the 9-5 daytime hours. It is really sad that someone who claims to provide parenting tips with “passion, purpose, and integrity” could be so far off-base and mislead. It’s downright pathetic in this day and age. Best of luck to you in charging for this type of “insight.”

  2. Thanks, makes sense. So many people question why my 5 year old is not going to preschool.But it is such a joy to see her and her little brother play together most of the time.

  3. Oh Amy, I am actually thrilled that I have set some fire out there. I have long wondered if anyone ever read anything because there are so few comments, even thought there are thousands of visits.

    Yes, this statement is very shortsighted. But unfortunately there are parents who actually do shuttle their kids off to day care. Having been a SAHM and a WM, I know that both can work wonderfully. And it is important to know how to use your village, whether you are a SAHM or WM, to the best benefit for your children.

  4. Friederike,
    You are on the other side of the spectrum than Amy in raising your children. And as Amy commented, in this day and age it is pathetic that people cannot accept different ways of parenting. And absolutely the bottom line is value and morals. No matter what you choose, stay true to your heart with your values and morals.

  5. This answer from Grace to the writer about staying at home was but a snippet of the entire subject and original question. Many women feel the need to be everything to everyone. Many want it that way. Many just feel pressure like they need to be that way. Some have changing values as time goes by. Being a working mother is not a sin nor is a stay at home mother. The original question posed to her was far more indepth. Hard to tackle in one blog. As are most topics as deep as this one. I am certain that Grace offers assistance to any and all situations and concerns when given the circumstances and looks at each as individuals. I feel it unfortunate that Amy took such offense to these comments. Obviously women love their children and anyone consulting on parenting issues no matter working or staying at home must be extra special people to want to know as much as possible to do the best job possible.

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