Peace and Harmony After you get Home from Vacation?

July 31, 2008 at 6:26 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Personal Message

 

I have really been taking advantage of the summer these past two weeks.  Last week I went camping with my two youngest children and one of their friends.  We had such a great time.  I had no computer or phone reception.  I had really intended on getting in the car and going to check my messages, write the newsletter, and just do a few keep in touch things.  But I got completely caught up in the camping!  It was such a wonderful way for me to let my soul rejuvenate.  Each morning I would get up and do my yoga and meditation outside.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner cooked over the fire.  Bike riding, canoeing, blueberry picking, and pretending we were living in some other century were our activities.  The week was full of peace and harmony. 

 

This week I have visited with an old friend I haven’t seen for eight (yes 8) years.  And gotten my teenager ready to head off to Chile for the month of August.  She leaves today.  And if you know anything about a teenage girl- even the best of them have WAY too much stuff.  We had to redo the packing- got everything, 4 pairs of skis, poles, boots, and winter clothes all in two ski bags. 

 

I am in a mix of excitement for her to go, sadness she will be gone so long, and actually relieved I am not going this year.  As a family we have all gone for the past five years.

 

My feature article is how to have peace and harmony even when you get home from vacation, or especially if you are unable to go on one.

 

 

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Feature article

 

Maintain Peace and Harmony After You Get Home From Vacation?

 

So often when you go away for vacation you are sure that it will refresh and rejuvenate you.  You know that this time you will come home and have peace within your family.  You will know you will keep the harmony going.  But as soon as you get back- whammo!- The squabbles repeat themselves.  The pace simply doesn’t change no matter how much you promise yourself you will slow down.  You get exhausted just in a day or two and wonder if it was even true that you went on a vacation.  You wonder if anyone really can live in peace and harmony, not be overwhelmed with the daily minutia, and be stress free.

 

Generally when you get home from vacation you believe you need to jump back into your old patterns.  And this may be partially true.  But you can make adjustments and changes.  The main reason that you can relax when on vacation is because you can actually be yourself.  In the back of your mind – sometimes right out in the open- you know you will not see any of these people again so you know you don’t need to make yourself behave in a way that is against your natural self.  This is freeing.  It is liberating and it allows you to have a great time when on vacation.  You worry less.  You are not overwhelmed.  And you know the tired you feel at the end of the day is a healthy and natural tired, not one from stress and anxiety.

 

The real problem is; what do you do to keep being yourself even when you have all these pressures and commitments when you get back?  You just can’t let go of all your responsibilities. 

 

And you are absolutely right.  But you can change one major part of yourself.  That is being yourself, even when pressured, full of time commitments, and everything is piling up again.  Each time you feel the twinge of losing that peaceful vacation feeling check out how you are stepping away from being yourself.  Are you following someone else’s way of being?  Are caught up in the social pressures to conform?  Are you too busy to allow yourself to take a moment to rejuvenate? 

 

You may not even be able to answer these when you get back into the rushed, hectic, and stress inducing lifestyle you generally live in.  But these are the main things that stop the rejuvenated and peaceful feelings you had over vacation from being a part of your daily life when you get back.

 

To keep yourself rejuvenated, to stay true to your soul, to have peace and harmony for you and your family when you get back from vacation, ask yourself, “Does it really matter what those around me think of how I do things?”  Know in your heart that the way you run your house, raise your kids, and what you eat is for the best for your family. 

 

Make the changes in your daily life to be able to live with harmony with yourself.  For the next week pick one thing each day that you do because of outside pressure and change what you do, how you think about it, and why you do it, to follow your heart. 

 

As a parent it is essential to maintain your self-esteem, your inner peace, and live in harmony with your soul.  When you do this, you will be able to parent with purpose, passion, and integrity.

 

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One of the greatest difficulties I have with GEM Parenting is letting parents know help is simple, available, and (yes) inexpensive. 

 

Here is your chance to help your friends find GEM Parenting.  For the month of August each time you have five friends sign up for the Pearl Membership you will be able to choose any of the GEM Parenting podcasts as my way of thanking you for sending your friends to GEM Parenting.

 

And if you are the person who has the most friends sign up for the Pearl membership, you get to have a one 1 ½ hour teleclass designed just for you and your friends. 

All you need to do is click this link and fill in your friends’ names.  Then you can follow up with them to be sure they actually sign up.  But even if you don’t I will keep track of who has referred who and who has signed up.

 

Good luck and thanks for spreading the joys of GEM Parenting with others.

 

How to Make Time Stand Still as a Parent.

July 17, 2008 at 6:38 am | Posted in 1, children, dads, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Feature Article: How to Make Time Stand Still as a Parent.
 Find this article valuable? Please forward it to those in your network who may benefit from it as well. 

Please add “grace@gemparenting.com” to your safe senders list or address book in your email program, so that you can receive future issues without a glitch!

Interested in joining the free Pearl membership and get articles delivered directly to your email box every Thursday?  Just click on the gemparenting.com link on the right and sign up for the Pearl membership. 

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Personal note from <!–[if supportFields]> CONTACT _Con-3EF05DC31 \c \s \l <![endif]–>Grace <!–[if supportFields]><![endif]–>

Its already Thursday, I just can’t believe how time flies in the summer.  Here we are in the middle of July and I am thinking it is still the middle of June.

 

I understand that happens to all of us.  And we all wonder, “Where has the time gone?” 

 

I am really thinking this today as yesterday I took my dog to the vet for a check up.  He is sixteen years old!!!  He is in pretty good health, but has some fluid on the lungs. 

 

But I think about that little girl who was my daughter then, who is now an adult living in California by herself.  The time does pass and it goes quickly. 

 

That brings me to the feature article.  How can you hold time just a bit longer?  Let it linger a while before racing forward?

 

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Feature article:

 

How to make Time Stand Still as a Parent

 

Time is so elusive.  There are times when we think can’t it ever just stop and then there are times when we want it to speed up and be quicker.  Of course what we want to stay put is what we love.  And what we want to pass quickly is what we are frustrated, confused, overwhelmed, and hurt by.

 

And here is the dilemma.  Most times people teach you how to prolong what you like.  But leave off anything about what you don’t like.

 

When this happens you can have a good idea of helping the parts of your life that you love be longer and they do over run parts of your life that cause you stress.  But with this method you do not get rid of all your stress.  You are replacing some, yes.  But what is left often is magnified.

 

What I want you to do is work on the part of your life that causes you stress.  Put it in perspective of time – Of forever time, not just today, this week, this month, or even this year.  Put it in perspective of your life, of time unending.  When you look at the stress causing incidents that are ruining your parenting right now are they going to be part of your life forever?  Will they disappear as your children get older?  You finish breakfast?  They head off to camp/school? 

 

Most everything that you stress and agonize over will be gone before you can even finish the worrying part.  Rather than be so preoccupied with these annoyances and problems, turn them into the basic process of parenting.  Allow the to be just what happens.  Teeth are somehow hard to get brushed., squabbling does happen, and being over tired exists. 

 

Take the pressure off yourself.  Be imperfect.  Allow your kids their imperfections. 

 

When you change your attitude to this, you actually give yourself more time.  You do not try to overrun the negative with the good.  You actually allow what has been the negative to be changed to neutral.  It is part of being.  Just like breathing, heart pumping, and yes going to the bathroom.  We do all these things without a lot of thought or effort. 

 

By living with these stresses as part of life rather than always trying to escape from them you not only have more time, you reduce the power of the stresses.  

 

The results are you enjoy your kids and parenting more.  And you reduce stress, thus improving your over all health.

 

Enjoy the summer, know that one day your kids will be grown and out of the house.

So be sure to

Parent with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

Grace

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Upcoming Events

 

The problem that GEM parenting is having is to get others to know about this unique parenting style.

We are setting up a tell a friend contest.

Each week the person who has the largest number of invites to sign up for the Pearl membership will receive a free podcast form GEM Parenting.

The person who accumulates the most over a month will get to have a free one-hour coaching session with Grace.

What you do right now is begin to think of who you want to invite.

Summer time

July 16, 2008 at 1:49 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Just a real quicky to let you know what a great summer my family is having.  we are truly living process rather product.  Last night the kids and I slept on the trampoline.  It was lots of fun, giggles and of course rather bouncy when ever anyone turned over!  Today the girls spent time being a house in the civil war that was part of the underground railroad.  We had lunch in our “Milk Carton Castle”  (We have a over 1000 milk cartons to make this structure)  It was blue-berry slump. Yummy!!  They also picked fresh raspberries from our very own patch.  

While they were playing, I did some emails, worked with clients, and set up a few new connections.  I also took my 16 year old dog to the vet for his check up.  He is in generally good health, needing some medication for heart troubles.  And as soon as I am done with this I am going to head to the pool on bicycle with the girls.  

Anyone can live this life.  Just be sure to live for the process, rather than the product. 

And as always, 

Parent with passion, purpose, and integrity,

Grace

How do Serenity, Acceptance, Courage, Wisdom and Baseball Empower Your Parenting?

July 11, 2008 at 12:49 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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How do Serenity, Acceptance, Courage, Wisdom and Baseball Empower Your Parenting?


This is the last day of talking about the powerful Serenity Prayer.  If you are just joining today, please check back to Monday to read everything.  You know that when something has been around for a while it lasts because there is truth in it.  That’s the way it is with the Serenity Prayer.

 

Today we are going to talk about how the last line, “and the wisdom to know the difference.”

First you gained serenity.  This freed you to accept that you are a wonderful parent with little or no control.  Bu t with this freedom you gained the opportunity to have the courage to change what you can.  That is you. 

 

It is you who you have control over.  What you have the most control over is your attitude and your actions.

 

Today you get to have wisdom.  This is an integral part of being a positive parent.  With wisdom you let go of the daily grind.  You reverse the pull of time.  You use a new way of thinking, a new power to bring love and peace to your home.

 

Picture this in your mind-

The wise one-

Doing what they always do-

They are peaceful, tranquil,

Restful, and pleased with their surroundings.-

 

Now give them a cell phone,

Ipod, and appointments.

 

What happened to the wise one?

Did his or her hair stand on end?

What happened to the wise one’s body?

In my case it has slumped, and seems very rigid. 

 

Peace, tranquility, rest, and pleasure with surroundings are all gone.

The wise one does not exist in our minds with all our modern “conveniences.”

 

Now I use all those things.  I am communicating with the web right now.  But to be able to have wisdom and wireless life, I must be wise.  I keep my serenity.  I accept what I can’t change.  And I have the courage to do what is right for me- I am not owned by my web presence. 

 

For you as a parent, keep your wisdom.  Let the image you have of the wise one be yourself as you are right now. 

A wise person does not have all the answers.  But is willing to find them or let go of the need to find answers. 

A wise person does not control.  Life flows through and around them.  They give and receive freely.

 

I am going to put the Serenity Prayer together with baseball so you can understand how you can bring this power energy to your parenting. 

First you need to step up to the plate.  A baseball player will do certain things to get focused, to get other clutter out of his mind, to be serene.

Second, you need to decide to what to do.  With baseball there are two things that the batter does-they swing or they decide to not swing.  This is acceptance of what comes.  The baseball player must accept he can’t pick his pitch.

Third, when you swing you have to know that you are going to hit that ball right out of the ballpark.  Or you know you will bunt the ball.  Or you know you will not swing at all.  As a parent take courage in your decisions.  It is when you waffle that you strike out.

Fourth, no matter what you do there will be judgments, both good and bad.  There are two teams watching, lots of fans will glad and others will be down right mad.  But the ball player is wise to know this play is over.  He must instantly start on the next play- run, dodge, or sit down till the next up.

You see how this prayer can give you such strength to be the parent you are meant to be?

Let yourself have serenity, acceptance, courage, and wisdom as a parent.  As always I am here to help you on this journey. 

The best place to start is by putting in your comment here.  If you would prefer to have a private message then send it to grace @ GEMParenting.com

 

I wish you a weekend filled with love and peace.

Parent with passion, purpose, and integrity.

 

Grace

Do You Have Courage To Stop Your Parenting Worries?

July 10, 2008 at 7:36 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Do You Have Courage Stop Your Parenting Worries?

Because you have put serenity and acceptance into your life, you now have the ability to add courage.  In the Serenity Prayer this is the “courage to change the things I can.” 

It makes perfect sense.  What do you need courage for except to change things that you can?  But that puts you back in that whole space of anxiety doesn’t it?  What can you change and how can you change it?  How can you make everything work out right?  You are back with all the overwhelming choices you had before.

You are now saying, “Grace, couldn’t we have just stayed with the serenity and acceptance part?”

I wish we could have, but parenting just isn’t like that.  Parenting has hills to climb, views to see, hills to go down, and valleys to visit.

You can look at each part of this journey as a hard and arduous.  The climb can be so difficult you are spent and huffing and puffing the whole way, you have no energy to notice the view.  Or you may have brought clouds with you and can’t find anything to see anyway.  You may be frightened going down.  And you may think of the valley as gloomy.

When you put serenity with acceptance that you cannot change some things, you give yourself the courage to change what you can. 

Parenting is a journey and there is nothing you can do about it!  But you can change how you parent and your attitude about your children.  You can change your values and morals. 

You can take a beautiful hike up the hill, and even if there are clouds at the top, you can always find something magnificent at the top.  It may be so small you have to really stop and wait for your eyes to adjust, but you can and will find wonder every step of the way.  On the way down you can completely change your attitude that down is equivalent to bad.  Why not think of down as a kid?  They love to roll down, or slide down in the winter.  Or on a trail they skip and jump.  And rather than think the valley is a place of gloom and despair, regard it as your sanctity.  The valley is your resting and refueling place.

 

When I go for hikes with my children, we go on the hike knowing there will parts that are hard.  On the way up we rest and have a bit of a snack about every hour-and I have been known to stop every twenty steps when its too difficult.  We do things to entertain ourselves.  We play rocks and roots.  We can only step on rocks and roots.  And the weather in the mountains can and does change, with our view being obliterated at times when we get to the top.  When this happens we rest, and my kids still find wonder and joy at being on the top.  The view is not the only thing up there for them.  The hike down is always filled with songs and more rocks and roots.  Often we are exhausted, holding hands and supporting each other.  But when we get to the bottom we are always glad to have gone on the journey.

Each and every part of the journey of parenting can be that way for you.  You can take the courage to bring strength, vitality, and passion to your parenting.

And the funny thing is, it is only you who can bring your courage to parenting.  Without your courage to change, you have to go on the same way you are now.

 

Take your courage today.  Know you have every right and privilege to be courageous.  If you have been courageous, please take a moment to give courage to others and write a comment.

Can You Accept Being a Great Parent Without Control?

July 9, 2008 at 7:13 am | Posted in attitudes, children, dads, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, parents, Wednesday Wisdom | Leave a comment
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As a parent you need to understand that you are in control of your child and at the exact same time you are as far removed from your child as an elephant in Africa. 

You have an obligation as a parent to set up the most caring home you can:  A home filled with love, positive guidance, and morals and values that you believe in.  But as you know, this is a task that causes great anxiety.  You are so stretched to your limits of parenting that some times you lose sight of how to create this home. And you trudge along hoping everything will be good in the end.

The saddest part of this picture is that often things turn out fine in the end.  But the journey has been so difficult and so arduous that it hardly seems to matte any way.

What you want is to find a way to know the end of the journey is going to be good and at the same time to enjoy and relish your time as a parent.

Yesterday we talked about being granted serenity.  If you have not reached any moments of serenity then you need to think of how you are trying to get it.  If there is any begging, neediness, or whining for it, you are can try being more gentle with yourself and with your eternal energy.

Today we are going to talk about “accepting the things I cannot change.”  Every moment that we are alive we are out of control.  We cannot truly control anything or anyone. 

When you look at life this way you can let go of the things that bug you, drive you crazy, and keep you up at night.  Know that you can not actually change things.  Know that change happens, and reactions happen to what you do. 

How does this kind of thinking change your parenting?  As a parent you may have been trying to set everything up to be just perfect, or even as nearly perfect, as you are humanly capable of doing for your family.  This of course is well and good. 

The problem comes because of all the glitches.  And these glitches, large and miniscule, gnaw at your insides, put overwhelm in everything you do- from breathing to actually reading a story to your children.

When you “accept the things I cannot change” you no longer have to be in control.  You now have the privilege to see yourself as one who influences, who guides, and can set things in motion.  But the weight of perfection is gone.

You are a wonderful parent filled with love and caring.  Remember you have serenity.  Now with accepting that which you cannot change, you have freedom to truly love and cherish your children. 

Loving and cherishing your children is the number one best thing you can do to set the motion for your children live the most fantastic life they can.  And it starts today!

Accept the things you cannot change.  Put serenity into its proper place in your parenting.  And see how the nagging, headache causing stresses that surround you and your children begin to evaporate.

You are welcome to share your acceptance of the things you cannot change and how that freed you to love and cherish your children. 

If you have a major acceptance please share, and if you have something that is so trivial and insignificant please share that as well. 

Everyone needs to hear how you are able to use this information.

As always, Parent with Passion, Purpose, and Integrity.

Grace

 

Can you actually bring serenity to your parenting?

July 8, 2008 at 9:39 am | Posted in 1, children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem | Leave a comment
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Lets look at the first line of the Serenity Prayer and how it relates to your parenting.  

God grant me the serenity

 First, what you need to focus on is asking for serenity.  At this point in time you are so overwhelmed and anxious about your parenting and how your kids are going to turn out that you really feel that you couldn’t possibly have any serenity.  I know I have had times in my own life where I thought this was some prayer just for alcoholics. 

 But let me assure you.  When you take this part of the prayer and give yourself serenity, even for a moment at a time, your anxieties will diminish.  When you give yourself serenity you cannot have anxiety at the same time.  They simply do not go together. 

 I believe that you give yourself serenity as soon as you ask for it with knowledge, conviction, and deep soul belief that you will receive serenity.  This is something that you give yourself.  As soon as you own and accept that you are truly able to have serenity you will have serenity. 

 Serenity does not mean your problems will vanish.  It does not mean your children will miraculously be perfect.  It means your anxieties will vanish.  It means you will relieve your overwhelm.

 When you get rid of anxiety and overwhelm you can be part of your children’s life.  You can enjoy what you are doing right now.  The crazy world will be on the outside, but you and your family will be held together with a new deep love that overpowers the need to prove yourself to anyone.

 You will be free to explore the world with peace and love as your guide.

 For this day I want you to stay true to asking for and being granted serenity.

 Each and every time you have anxiety or overwhelm, say with all you heart, “God grant me the serenity.”

 Please share with others how this small, short, quick phrase helps your anxieties and overwhelm vanish.

 For this day and everyday forward I wish you parenting with serenity.

Grace

Motivational Monday

July 7, 2008 at 12:55 pm | Posted in children, Families, GEM Parenting Secrets, moms, Mothers, Motivational Monday, parents, Self Esteem, spirituality | Leave a comment
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Wow what a great weekend I just had. I hope yours was great s well.  I spent time with family, went to the beach, hung out at home, did house projects, went to church at the beach and finished the weekend off with a trip to the Museum of Natural History in NYC with two of my kids and husband.  

This week I want to talk with you about how to use the eternal energy and spirit to reduce your stress and anxieties of parenting. 

Look at yourself.  Really take a good look.  Are you so overwhelmed that you can’t see your connection with all eternity?  Are you lost without any spirit or soul? 

Why am I asking this?  Because if you are parenting without any soul, spirit or connection with the eternal energy, then you are truly alone. 

And being alone as a parent puts you as risk of really srewing things up.  Not just for yourself, but for your kids as well. 

 You see with all the stress and anxiety that you are giving to yourself- yes you are giving this to yourself-then you are creating an atmosphere for your kids that almost forces them to look outside for approval.This is your best way to make your kids never be satisfied with themselves.

So for today I want you to think about the first part of the Serenity Prayer. 

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 


Courage to change the things I can;


And wisdom to know the difference.

 

When you use this prayer as part of your parenting you will see that you are part of a whole.  That what you do at this very moment will have little to do with your child as a whole. 

If you constantly try to make things happen, alter the way things are and distrust the world around you and most importantly distrust yourself, you will set yourself up for complete disappointment.

Now truly contemplate, meditate and pray the Serenity Prayer for your parenting.

Let us know how using the Serenity Prayer helps you today with you parenting.  Please add your comment in the comments section.

What’s the Big 4th of July Party About Anyway?

July 3, 2008 at 6:22 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents | Leave a comment
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Independence day is all about the big party.  And just what is the big party all about?  Summer fun, being together as a family, watching the fireworks, and all those good barbeque happenings. 

 But why and when did this big party really start?  Well, it wasn’t when they signed the Declaration of Independence.  It was after a bunch of wars and restarts to our government. 

 It was after a long time and lots of hard changes of how people thought about themselves.  Two hundred years ago most people were not able to understand that they were truly entitled to freedom.  That the pursuit of happiness was everyone’s right.  They believed that they were in this life and station by birth.  That there were not many options available to them or most anyone they knew. 

 We have come such a long way.  Now it seems most natural that we can pursue happiness and of course we are entitled to our freedom.

 Unfortunately, we have gone too far.  We now think we are entitled to happiness, and freedom is a basic need, like food, water, and shelter.

 These are not basic to being alive.  It is your privilege and responsibility to own these rights that are ours as Americans. 

 You have two ways to do this:

 First, with your kids, teach and guide them to cherish their independence and ability to pursue their happiness.  This is such a great treasure we often over look it as parents. 

 Second, no matter what your political views are, take the weekend to honor your country.  Let your heart and mind find the joy of being an American.  Fill your soul with replenishing freedom. 

 And then when you are involved with the big birthday party you can really understand and celebrate with your whole self.

 Have a great weekend.

 Grace

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