Terrific Tuesday

June 24, 2008 at 10:02 am | Posted in children, dads, Families, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, Terrific Tuesday, Tweens | 2 Comments
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Terrific Tuesday

 When you are confused as to what and why you do things with your kids you are very likely to be caught in the product side of parenting.  You are trying to figure out what will be the best thing for your kid in the long run.  You are so confused with all the offerings that are available.  You really can’t figure out what to do.  Except try and see what others are doing and hope that since so many others are doing something that it must a good thing.  But will it really be the right thing for your kids?

 Just writing about this makes me dizzy.  And for you who is in the muddle of it all- Please notice muddle is on purpose- you are more than dizzy.  You are up at nights wondering and worrying if you have it right.  What can you do better.  Which choice should you make?  What is the best for your family?

 

Well, rather than get in this ridiculous bind you are in, step out.  You are in the product mode. You are looking at parenting as a mode to get a result, a product. When you switch to the process mode the answers are easy.  The time in the process is enlightening, and although there are still many challenges in front of you, the challenges are invigorating rather than energy depleting.

Enough of that and onto some of my own personal real life examples of using process rather than product parenting. 

 

One of my daughters is a dancer.  She dances four days a week in lessons and many days out of lessons.  And I have two daughters who love to dance, but not quite to the same extent.  This past weekend we just had their recital. 

 The dancers from age three to twenty were instructed in the joy and beauty of dance through out the year.  The actual practice of the recital dances began in early April for some and not until May for others.  The studio chooses to teach dance rather than recital performance. 

 

 As the classes get done learning their recital dances each class and all parents, siblings, and whoever else is around watches the dances.  This is great fun.  The girls love to watch the other dancers and they love to dance for each other. 

 

 Yes, this takes some time away from the “instruction.”  But it also prepares everyone for the actual show. 

 

 When the actual show happens there is one dress rehearsal on the stage the evening before the recital.  And for the past three years that I have been part of this, the whole time is spent in the splendor of being dancers rather than showing a product that is being performed. 

 

 From the director to the babies, there is an atmosphere of pleasure, excitement, and the love of doing ones best, and of course dancing.

 

 Oh, I completely forgot the costumes.  Each dancer gets a T-shirt.  It is a coveted shirt, with a simple design on it.   The colors have been magenta, teal blue, and this year black.  Yep.  Everyone has the same basic costume.  Then they elaborate with old-fashioned dress ups!!! Or maybe simple home made tie die shirts.

 

 And you know what happens?  The dancers are dancers.  They are not a part of the show.  The dancers are the show.  It seems weird for many of you that not having glitzy costumes and practicing for months on a single performance piece would create anything but second rate dancers. 

 

But let me tell you otherwise.  I have been involved with dance studios as a mother for about twenty years.  And as a dancer myself for about ten years.  That makes thirty years of connections with dance studios.  And this is the dance studio that children- boys and girls- can love to dance.

 

 Why? They teach dancing through the process.  The product of a “show” is not the integral or even important part of the studio ethics.  They teach and dance for the sheer joy of teaching and dancing. 

 

 Although the studio’s main concern is not about the future of the dancers, their desire is to have the dancers love to dance, every year there are seniors who go ff to college majoring in dance, kids who spend the summer at highly coveted places such as The Boston Ballet, The Philadelphia Ballet, and Steps on Broadway.

 

The result of process teaching is to have kids love doing what they are doing AND the result turns out to be wonderful.  Even though t is not the actual goal.

Take the step out and use process for your parenting.  The result, product, will happen anyway, so why not enjoy the journey?  Have peace and know that you are giving your children the special gift of living and loving the moment- With that they will live a life with high self-esteem void of the panic and worry that you have.

 

 Grace

 

 PS the studio is called Ninth State Dance Studio

You can check them out at theninthstate.com

 

I would love to hear about something in your parenting that is process rather than product oriented.  it really helps others when you share!

 

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2 Comments »

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  1. Our family doctor said our son might need to speach development intervention. We didn’t like the route and decided to try more sign language. At first we thought he only had a couple of words, but when we decided to focus on the fun of it and track what we can teach him, we realized he quickly used 20+ different words.

  2. This is exactly what I mean by process rather than product. You turned the task into a fun activity and with a little tracking found out your son was actually learning and loving the process.

    Thanks for sharing!


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