Focused Friday: Stop Yelling at Kids

January 11, 2008 at 2:43 pm | Posted in children, dads, Families, Focused Fridays, moms, Mothers, parents, Self Esteem, siblings, teens, toddlers, Tweens | Leave a comment
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Welcome to Focused Friday!  This week we are talking about parenting past the anger. 

Question #1:

I have been trying to figure out how to stop having rage with my kids for a few years.  I understand the concept of a change behavior chart.  But will it really work?

GEM Answer: 

If you honestly follow through with the chart and write down each time you do get too angry at your kids, and then you write down new ways to behave you will teach yourself to be different.  It does take time.  It will not be over night.  But it will work.  You must love both yourself and your children enough to do this.


Question #2:  

If my husband is hitting my child, with out real force, is this connected with rage?  Is it bad?

GEM Answer:  

I cannot tell if your husband hitting your child is connected with rage or not.  But I would guess it is connected with control.  And loss of control is a precursor of rage.  In other words loss of control is what happens before rage happens.  So you need to be on the look out about if our husband is building up to a rage or not.

As far as your second part of the question, is it bad.  It is always bad to hit a child.  There is simply no excuse as far as I am concerned.  There are so many alternatives to hitting a child. And every time a child is hit his or her spirit is damaged.  And sometimes the spirit can be damaged so much it is almost irreparable

Question #3:

Sometimes I am just sure I am just going to explode at my kids.  And I have this real physical change that comes over me.  I get real hot and sweaty.  Is this normal?

GEM Answer:  

It is normal to have a physical change when having a rage.  But it is not necessary to have the rage.  Anger can be expressed in many forms that do not result in a rage.  When you feel this physical change coming over you immediately remove yourself from your kids.  Don’t allow yourself to ever be near them when you know a rage is coming.

It would be helpful for you to work with someone on alternative behaviors.  If you are interested in working with me please e-mail me at

Question #4:

I know it is wrong to be extra sweet after I get really angry at my kids.  But I feel so bad and I want to make it up to them.  And if I don’t be extra nice after then what will I do?

GEM Answer:  

First, I want you to do something to stop having the “extra anger.”  You can try the behavior change chart, join a group dealing with anger management.  Second, when you have been too angry with your kids you do not need to be extra sweet.  There is this really strange thing about little kids.  They love their parents no matter how rotten they are.  So instead of using your energy to be extra sweet, I want you to use your energy to actually figure out how to stop your anger. 

For all of you I want to commend you for knowing you have something that needs fixing.  And now I want you to take the next step and fix it.  Of course you can seek help in many directions.  I offer you help to both change your behavior and build a lifestyle that will increase both your self-esteem and your children’s self esteem.  So get on with it and choose what you are going to do.  In this case you really need to act now.   If you want to go on the next step of your journey with me, I’d love to help.

Just e-mail me at

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