GEM Parenting: Parents building strong Children and Families

GEM Parenting Question #1:

Whenever I try to say no to my children my husband always gets in the way and lets them do whatever they want.  So how can I be in charge and say a simple no and have them listen to me.

GEM PARENTING ANSWER:

First you need to have a chat with your husband.  Explain to him that you are starting a new phase for yourself and the family.  You want to be sure the children are able to understand that life has choices and limits, and to have respect for each other as a family.

You do not need to talk with him about how he is disrupting your ability to say no.  You need to share with him all the advantages of your children being able to understand, respect, and handle no with ease and comfort.

Then as you begin to say no, clue your husband into this.  Let him know you are going to say no. 

And for goodness sake don’t be the only one to say no.  Choose times to let your husband say no.  Be specific:  Say. “I am going to let your father tell you no this time.”  And be sure to say this when you know your husband wants the answer to be no.

When you say no and he tries to over ride you respond with, “I know your father really loves you to be able to do what ever you want, but unfortunately I have already said no, so we will have to stick with that.”  You will create your own respect this way. 

Use “no” with a calm voice, a gentle tone and relaxed body language.

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GEM Parenting Question #2:

I have one child who will always abide by my rules but the other one just won’t listen!  I have to really scream and yell to get her to understand “no”.

GEM PARENTING ANSWER:

First you may be dealing with a sibling rivalry situation, which will be dealt with during the week of Feb. 25 to March 1.  Hope you will join us.

Second, it is important to have both your children accept that you are in charge.  But when you say “abide by my rules” I am hearing control with power rather than control with respect.  I want you to change your feeling of personal respect.

You can have your children do what you want them to do with giving them respect.  As you give more respect you will be stepping out of the ring of the  power struggle. 

Be firm.  Remember not only figuratively step out of the power struggle.  Do it for real.  Step away.  Take the deep breaths.  And remain calm.

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