Girl the Boys that come in your path

November 1, 2009 at 12:33 pm | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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Just a quick update about Jilly’s coed hockey team-(Jilly is Grace’s 9 yo daughter, Jamie and Jeanee’s little sister).  The team is coed.  A girl scored the first goal.  There was no time division between how much the girls played as compared to the boys.  And most importantly there was NO difference between the aggressive spirit or the skills level of the boys or girls.

When I was a girl most of this would have been really Bizarre.  There were few if any girls who even played ice hockey.  And those that did had a real tough time of it.  They had to be way tough, take constant attack and abuse-from their own team members and their parents.  Some leagues refused to allow the girls to play at all.  Some refs decided AT THE GAMES that they would not allow the girls to play.  To have a coed team be the norm is fantastic!

The attitude of girls has changed immensely as well.  The fact that the girl who got the first goal knew what she could do and acted upon her ability and chance for a goal without holding anything back was thrilling to see.  There are still some girls, when put in a coed situation, who hold back for some unfortunate fear of upsetting boys.

The time playing is extremely important.  When a player is excellent yet made to sit on the bench due to being a girl you can be sure it has a negative effect on her.  To have a team that regards the girls as having as much skill, ability, and experience as the boys allows the girls to be at their best.  There is no need to feel anxious or worried that “as a girl I some how don’t make the mark.”

Out on the ice, when they were in their uniforms, pads and helmets, it was impossible to tell which were boys and which were girls.  Again in the past, the girls had a body language that made them stand apart from the boys.  This has disappeared.  The girls have the same energy and stance as any boy out there- some with more of the athletic stance than the boys.

You go girls!  And girl all the boys that come in your path!

 

This is blog post in http://TigressTeens.ning.com

If you are a teen girl athlete you should check this out

Plain Old Tuesday or Terrific Tuesday?

October 27, 2009 at 8:21 am | In Terrific Tuesday, attitudes | Leave a Comment
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It’s just plain old Tuesday. It’s not the beginning of the week. It’s not really the middle. It has no significance. It’s just a day.

Yet today is the most important day today. It’s this day that really matters- Without today you would not be. None of us would be.

I know you all work for the day of when your family runs smoothly.  Nothing gets in the way-. Those days are unique and special. You try to be at your best. You look forward to the excitement and adrenalin rush of the day. The anticipation builds and the day comes. Yes, those are the days that make up for today- plain old nothing Tuesday.

Wait a minute. I started this with Terrific Tuesday of Plain Old Tuesday, so why am I slumping up Tuesday this way?

You see everyday in your life matters. Some are memorable. Others just happen- you get up and eventually you go to bed- plain old Tuesday for sure. Yet it’s these regular days that set you apart. When you can take your mediocrity, your normal, and bring it to great then you will be great. Settling at any moment can bring you from being terrific to being good. Good is the antithesis of being terrific and great.

So what makes you be terrific today?

Now you put your comments in. Lets see what makes you parents tick on plain old Tuesday.

When did chores stop being a dirty word for teens?

October 8, 2009 at 8:07 pm | In responsibilities, teenagers | 1 Comment

Today I have a new teenager in my house.  Braces have started for her.  It’s kind of funny though.  When I was a kid I had braces on when I was ten to twelve.  It was considered WAY too early by most of my friends’ moms.  But now it’s really common.   And starting at 13 is on the late side now.

Now I think this is kind of funny because it seems that everything is happening at younger and younger ages, even to have braces being at younger ages.

So what is there to make your kid know s/he’s a teenager now?  There is still the driver’s license.  And that is a big one for sure.  But that happens well after you have become a teenager.  How about drinking?  No, that’s out (thank goodness) till you are supposed to be an adult.  Texting?  Nope, it’s brand new to the world, but it doesn’t have much to being a teenager.  Talking on the phone? Well, there is an increase as a teenager, but it is not like when I was kid.  Teenagers totally hogged the phone, got grounded because of talking too much on the phone.  Now everyone has their own phone so who cares how much you talk.

Oh here’s something that most of my freinds had when we became teens- Chores – Oh that was a dirty word.  But it also meant we were teenagers.  That concept- giving kids responsibility around the house- is surely an olden days, totally outdated fashion.  What is there for kids to do anyway?  -The dishes, the laundry, vacuum, (oh lowliest of jobs) the toilets.  Oh heaven forbid we have our over taxed kids do any of these things.

Uh oh, a bit of my opinion is leaking out here.  Yes, it is disgraceful that our kids be asked to partake of any job in our houses.  Why they just have way too much to do.  And so do we.

Yes we have so much to do now that we have all these things to help us keep track of everything we have to do, that no matter what we just have more to do.  And when could we ever get around to having our kids do any chores?

Do you have any idea of how to get kids to do chores and why you might even want them to do any?  Could it be related in any way to being a teenager?  Do chores start earlier?  What do you think will happen to these kids who never do any chores?

Whew- lots of questions.  Got any ideas or answers?  If so I suggest you hit the comment button and let us know.

Is It Tomorrow Yet?

October 7, 2009 at 8:33 pm | In attitudes | Leave a Comment
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Here it is late at night for me.  Not so late for some of my kids.  I remember that days when I had all my kids in bed by 8:00.  And I would be sleeping by 8:30.  Oh how I loved those days.  And we would all be up in the morning singing, happy and playing.  But now I have one child left who on her own- well almost on her own- gets up in the morning.

The other daughter at home is a SSSLLLLOOOOWWWW riser.  And with home schooling, she often forgets about the necessity of getting up.  So every now and then I spend the day letting her know and understand the privileges she gets.

Today was one of those days.  When she strolled downstairs at 9:00,  when she had her breakfast at 9:30, when she did her math test in pajamas, when she got to go for a bike ride after lunch, and now that she has just gotten home from dance she does not have to stay up for the next two hours to get her homework done.

These are her privileges for now.  And what do I get out of her being home schooled?

Sometimes it’s as easy as pie to understand.  You see I am just like you.  I have all kinds of stuff to do.  Busy stuff that really doesn’t mean too bits of anything if I get it done or not.  Only somehow it SEEMS like if I don’t get it done I, or one of my kids, will just fall all apart.

And so with home schooling I have this time when we are not actually crazy with that stuff.  But really the thing is that no matter how you raise your kids.  You get consumed with all the stuff.

So here’s what I am doing- writing you- and then I will go up and read to my kids, know that whatever is on my list that did not get done again today will still be on my list tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next.

Because tomorrow I get to start again, but it will never be today again.  You know that old cliche- Only it is true.  You just do what you can today.  Be thankful you have your kids and know that one day you won’t have them. You better really know that because no matter what you do, they will be gone.  And anything else would be too sad to think about.

Night all. Sleep well- I am sure I will now that I have shared this with you.

With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?

October 6, 2009 at 9:29 am | In 1, Diet / Nutrition, Family Time, How To | Leave a Comment
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With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?

You know it is truly a miracle that everyday we can do what we as moms do. Who knew that all these modern conveniences would give us all the freedom to run around like chickens with our heads chopped off.

And now we get to have a contest, http://www.twittermoms.com/forum/topics/samsung-blogging-sweepstakes, to try and help each other out of some major daily hassle.

As for me, the dinner thing comes and goes in cycles. For a while I have it all under control. Then you know what hits the fan.

But all in all here are my three best proven tricks to help lesson the hassle of getting dinner on the table- and BTW I do make almost all dinners by scratch.

Best tip- have a menu for the week. You sit down once a week and get it done. No nonsense! Pick your main course, your veggies, carb, be sure to think about condiments and all that goes with the meal. Then put your grocery list together. And post your menu where EVERYONE can see it. Now follow it.

OK I know this is not exactly simple to get going. There are plenty of hassles that can get in the way. But here is the cool thing to do. My second tip- Find a site that has the recipes and use them.

My other favorite thing to smooth the dinner transition is to have the table set for dinner right after breakfast. No one leaves the house till the dinner table is set. This give everyone, including me, the understanding that dinner is valued in our house.

These are my fav ways to get dinner in the groove. Do you have a fav? I’d love to add them to my personal list. Just put in your comment and lets help each other out.

Poop Pie up Your Nose-Man was I pissed!

October 4, 2009 at 3:16 pm | In attitudes | Leave a Comment
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Man, I am pissed off.  Well, actually at this moment I have had a time to cool off.  But here’s the story- with as few details as I can put in.  Cause I know parents will get the picture.

Here are the characters- but not real names just in case, you know.

GirlA

GirlB

Supposed to have kid Divorced Parent of GirlA- PA

Other Divorced Parent of GirlA- OPA

Parent of GirlB – PB

And the only reason I mention anything about divorce is because to help you understand a bit more.

OK my 9 year old daughter and her two friends decided to have a sleep over at my house.  And the plan was set, we thought, with all necessary parents on board. By necessary I mean PA and PB.

Then we got word from the other parent (OPA) that there was a problem this weekend and the visitation was being altered. So the “BIG” sleepover for Saturday sort of fizzled out.

And that was OK.  But here’s the tough part.  This morning we find that PA has called and made plans with PB to have GA go to GB’s house.  And that after lunch GA will come over to play at my house.  And of course we all know that no one wants to leave one house when the play has just really begun.

Now mind you it was the girls who begged their parents to have the sleepover and play time at my house.  It was not that my daughter was not liked or wanted.  Both the other girls love my daughter.  After all, being a parent for 25 years I can tell when my kid is not liked.  And it is not the case here.

I was unaware of this new arrangement.  Oh yeah, last night I talked with PA and even though the sleepover wasn’t going to happen, the day of playing was still on.

I called PA this morning.  I threw out the idea of going to a fall festival. That’s when I was told of the new plan.  Then an hour later PA and I talked again.  And it seemed to me that the girls would all be going to the festival.  And before we went we would have the dogs and girls run around for an hour together.

Next thing I know is that GirlA is at GirlB’s house.  And GirlA would come over after lunch.  SO you know it didn’t happen.  But I did talk with PB.  She was totally understanding and sympathetic and I do believe had no idea of all this stuff.

Then PA calls and is going to bring GirlA over right after going to the grocery store- around 12.  At 1:00 I took my daughter to the field to run the puppy- who by the way hadn’t gotten run yet.  We got back at 2.  (We live in small village, and had left a note on the door incase GirlA showed up.)

And of course you know they did not come over.  Now I’ve got a really moping and pissed off nine-year old.  And it’s NOOOO fun to have that let me tell you.  My day had gone from great to sucky just like hers.

But PB called, not realizing the time and to have my daughter come right over.  I was pretty relieved! And PB was shocked that PA had not come by.

Now I have never in my life been a gossiper, or defender of myself when others have gossiped about me- and it has cost me a lot over the years I have to say.

But I stood there with my friend – PB- and just let it all out about PA.  It was actually a really healthy thing for me to do.  I doubt if I will now become a gossiper, but this was a truly cathartic experience.  No tears, no huge expression of emotions, just letting something that had been going on for years be released.

I’ll let you know how I react after I see PA again.

But now I am feeling really relaxed.  I know that I showed my daughter, who really wanted to take a poop pie and shove up PA’s nose- a great way to handle the crap that gets dished your way.  Although I think I would feel way more satisfied if I could do the poop pie method!

Introducing a Variety of Foods to Kids

September 25, 2009 at 12:43 pm | In Diet / Nutrition | Leave a Comment
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My basic tip is very simple.  The child has to eat the number of bites of a food that they are old, until they are ten.  After ten they have to eat ten bites of the food. The bites can be small, but not too small. There is no begging or demanding.  With little ones I do sing songs and have games to get the food in the mouth.  With older ones there is simple a time limit.

Most of the dislike of new foods is simply the issue of newness.  The mouth for a child is a very strong sensory stimulus point.  There is touch, taste, smell; and even hearing all happening at once.  And just before something goes into the mouth there is sight.  With all these senses happening at once it becomes a little clearer why children have a touch time getting new foods in the mouth.

I look at eating new foods as a way to help children be able to overcome fears of the unknown.  Its rather a different way of looking at getting food into our children’s mouths but it really changes the whole thought process.

What do you do to get kids to try new foods?

Why Have Family Meals with Teens and Preteens

September 24, 2009 at 7:55 am | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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I have children ranging in age from 30 to 9. And through out this whole span of five children, dinner together has been the optimum nightly choice. Of course in the life style that we all have now, it is not a nightly event. Our dinners range from rather traditional, to breakfast, to crackers and cheese, and even sometimes just a mug of a hot drink.

But my children cherish this time. This is one of their friends’ favorite part of being at our house. This being together for the loud, talkative and totally interactive meal.

And what do I do to make this happen? Simple and way totally overwhelming. The simple is like Nike says, I “just do it.” It is as part of my being as getting dressed in the morning. Which is when I make lots of my dinners. The overwhelming part is putting the meal on the table. I often scurry around to get the meal actually on the table. And with kids of such varying ages, it has been an obstacle course to get the little ones fed while the big ones have their after school activities.

Now that I only have two kids home all year and third with me for half the year things are no less crazy. Its when they are teens that the meal craze really hits.

So one thing I do to have my children feel included in the family meal, even if they can’t be there is to give them a dinner plate of the family meal. They eat this where they are, or int eh car going or coming.

Right now I have a soccer car pool with four kids. The kids want to be in my car because we have pasta and sauce, salad and milk. Not your ordinary fare for car food, but it makes the family meal on the go be the happening thing.

By extending the family meal to where your kids are and who they are with, has a few great effects. First, you kids will eat a much healthier meal than the normal fast food. Second, your kids will know that what they are doing is important, and that the family tie is also important. These two entities are not exclusive. Third, when your child is at home your child knows that eating together is fun and valuable. Fourth, the discussions at family meals can be truly enlightening and educational.

And the most important thing that you as a parent give your child by extending the family meal is to assure your child of the love and interest you as a parent have in them. There is nothing better than to give this gift to your children.

Why You Haven’t Heard From Me

August 28, 2009 at 2:06 pm | In Moms of talented teens | 1 Comment
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It’s been a month since I’ve had the opportunity
to write to you.

And two major things have happened.

The first concerns why I have not been
writing with my usual energy and regularity.

I had twelve squirrels move into my house.
Up all night having the best of parties I am sure!
But kind of a total pain in the neck for me.
Their intrusion lead me to needing a new roof.
Now this alone would not have daunted me
in writing to you,
but just about the time I was
settling on the roof contractor,
the hose to the fridge ice maker
sprang a leak.
It was in my home in CT,
and I was in NH.
My husband found the leak a few days
after it had started.

This tiniest of holes had so much water
that my kitchen, den, and finished basement
all had to be stripped to the bare two by fours.
And the basement, even though finished,
was a true storage basement,
with many of these things ruined by the dampness.

I have spent much of my spare and
lots of my working time
with these two projects.
The roof is done,
the mess is cleaned up.
And now I am starting the process of
getting the kitchen and den redone.

It’s been very exciting,
even if it has been so time consuming.

The other thing is that last spring
I joined a program “Platform Leaders Group”
led by Suzanne Falter-Barns.
This was a combination of platform building,
marketing, and spiritual awakening.
Odd sort of combination I must say.

Anyway, the gist of the program was for members to
develop and rejuvenate our programs.

Gem Parenting is having a transformation.

The new Gem Parenting will focus on
guidance for moms who have talented teen daughters.

(Dads are welcome, it just seems
moms deal with their daughter’s issues
more than dads.)

So what does this mean for you?
Well you can stay on and still read the entries,
I am sure there will be interesting tidbits for you,
or you can join with Susan Epstein-
an excellent general parent coach.

And if you have friends who have
talented teen daughters please forward them
this info and they can join the pearl membership-

http://GEMparenting.com -
which will now be dedicated to serving their needs.

It will still take me a month or so to get the
techy stuff done- changing the site.
That just isn’t my cup of tea.

I will start the new entries on Monday-
with guidance, stories, and real life issues of
being a mom with talented teen girls.

In the mean time enjoy the last of summer,
Grace

How I Encourage and Support Positive Aspects of Youth Sports

July 6, 2009 at 2:42 pm | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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As a Parent, how do I encourage and reinforce the positive aspects of youth sports?  This is a question posed by ResponsibleSports.com

This is such a weighted question for me.  I am the mother of three children who are still at home and the mom of two who have grown up.  And all do/did sports.

Youth sports has changed drastically over the past twenty five years.  When I first was involved with my kids doing sports it was primarily parents who where the coaches, uniforms were very simple, practices were helpful but not mandatory.  And there were no terms such as youth sports or soccermom, and the minivan was brand new!

Now we have professional coaches, uniforms for whole towns that are more than silk-screened t-shirts, the practices are often mandatory, and we certainly understand the terms youth sports, soccermom and all the other new terminology developed around this growth industry.  And the minivan is synonymous with being a youth sports mom.

So what have I done with this change in culture to have one daughter be a dance captain, one daughter be a college level athlete, and one daughter be in Olympic training?  And the other two are very involved, successful, and full of fun in their youth sports?

The first thing I do is attend to what my child did that was great, energetic, tough, stepping up for them.  In other words I look at each child as an individual.  I look at what that child has done that day- in practice or in competition.  I compare that child to that child.  I do not ever compare my child to anyone else.  I think this is the first and most important aspect of encouraging and reinforcing youth sports.

The second thing I do with youth sports is to keep the fun in it.  At any level or time that one of my kids loses some of the fu aspect we reevaluate how and why this has happened.  Sometimes it is due to pressures from teammates or coaches. Other times it is due to personal pressures.  And there are the fateful times when the loss of fun comes from me.

When my daughters lose the fun aspect we take a break- from a practice to a week off.  We find things to do that are just so much fun that the stuck daughter forgets that she is stuck.  Then she can’t wait to get back to the sport of choice and go great guns again.

Now there is another aspect of reinforcing that takes great skill, patience, and empathy for my children.   This is when I let them know that they have not done their best.  And it is truly tricky to do this just right.  This comes back to comparing them to themselves.  This is the most unique thing I do to reinforce and support my children their youth sports

This can be done with practices or competitions.  I generally start out with a question.  “How do feel about your practice/game today?”  (By the way I ask this question, or a variation, most days.  Then it does not come as a clear signal that they did not do as well as they could.

Then if they tell me some negative response, like,  “It totally sucked.”  I ask why.  We then get into a talk about whatever is the real issue.  It is anything from being tired, hungry, cross about something else.  On they really fed up that they can’t do something that they have been working on.

Then we strategize about how to change this.  We do woohoo things like meditating, using law of attraction, Reiki and other energy shifting processes.  We do tactical things like setting goals and looking at the steps needed to accomplish those goals and what is already in place.  And we do things like take a nap, check how she’s been eating, and have a message.  And we get ice cream just to say it will al work out.

The absolutely most important thing I do to support and reinforce my daughters in their youth sports is to keep all of involved with the process of sports.  The results come as they come ant there is not much we can do about each actual competition.

But the process is the key.  Sports at any age are challenging using physical and mental strength.  They are bursting with emotion.  They can be really tough, they can be fun, they can even be boring at times.

The most important thing is to know that youth sports are a wonderful way to have a great attitude on life in general, be an outlet for stuffed feelings and emotions, and they are about being able to do ones personal best, improve from moment to moment, and still know when it important to recharge.

Youth sports, when encouraged and supported with positive parents, is one of the greatest ways to instill and maintain natural high self esteem in your children.

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