What do you do when your kids destroy things to be creative?

February 6, 2010 at 2:21 pm | In 1 | 2 Comments
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Two kids aged 6 and 7 decided to make a telephone using their dad’s headset. They snipped the wires and went out have a great time inventing and talking. (By the way they had been told not to play with dad’s things.)

Mom was on a business trip and dad needed to sleep in because he was up half the night shoveling/ plowing in VA. (You may know about the massive snow they are having and how jealous we are here in NH.) Anyway back to the issue-

So when dad woke up his headset was destroyed- And of course it was the one that cost plenty of $$$$$. Not some cheapo one!

What does dad do?

Yell at the kids right then and there?
Spank them on the spot?
Figure it was just a minor issue and let it go?
Try some thing else?

If you guessed try something else then you are on target.

But why not yell or spank?
Yelling will get your anger out for sure, but it won’t get your kids to respect either you or your objects and isn’t that what you want most of all?

Spanking? It’s a cop out and too easy to just spank and expect good behavior- Well you might get the good behavior, but you rarely get the respect that you deserve and your children yearn to have for you.

So why not just let it go? I mean, who really cares- as long as the kids were being creative? You know I always talk about process and the product will come- So why not think about the process and let it go that the headset was destroyed?

The problem is again respect- Of course I think that creativity is one of the MOST important things a kid can do. And the rewards of being creative are endless. Being creative is a process and the product does come from that.

With that comes the sticky part- the kids can be creative, but they have to use things that are not dad’s- or be sure that what they are doing and using are OK w/ dad.

SO what can you do in this situation? Have the kids pay for the replacement. Now you can quickly get it from their savings and be done with it right? OOOOH NOOOOO. Forget that. The money in the bank means nothing to these kids except that they can brag about having it and know it sounds impressive.

What the kids need to do is have multiple jobs. When my kids have to do jobs I have the jobs set up in 10 to 15 minute segments and they get paid from 25 cents (yes in this day and age I still pay in quarters) to a dollar for these segments. Thus they can earn up to $6.00/hour – This is with kids who are up to ten. (Teens get paid at a higher rate but generally still in short segments)

ALL FOUR OF MY KIDS HAVE HAD TO PAY FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS OVER 100 DOLLARS THIS WAY WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER THAN TEN!

So you and your kids can set this up and do it, too.

And the last thing I would do to promote creativity and decrease destruction of valuable objects is to purchase/ collect some supplies that are set up for the kids to use on their own. Let the kids know how long this supply is for- up to a month- and that iti is theirs to do with as they please, but if they use it all up too quickly they will have to wait to get more- unless of course they want to do some jobs and earn money on their own.

Hope this helps!
Love to hear you thoughts on this- Just comment below.

How much Sport for young kids?

February 5, 2010 at 2:19 pm | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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I believe that kids should try many different activities from the ages of 7/8 to the ages of 14/16. These are the years that the child develops in many ways- emotionally the child learns to react to adversity, challenge, and being fantastic at something; physically the child is growing and becoming engaged with how her/his body functions as well as the brain create synaptic connections, the more the body does the more synaptic connections get created. I have seen many children who are encouraged to limit themselves in one activity- be it a sport or artistic endeavor- and by the time they are between 12 and 14 moat have lost interest in that activity, their self-esteem has diminished seriously, and it takes a great deal of time, effort, and often money to get the child back to being strong and confident.

On the other hand- knowing the kids who get to the Olympics, X-Games, and to the highest levels for their ages, the great majority of them had more than one activity as a child.

The concern comes about what is too much- and I am afraid to say there is no pat answer. But I do think that we are often afraid of putting too much on our children. So what can you do to keep you child from having too much to do?

Notice the anxiety level YOU have about getting your child to each event on time- If you are frantic, it’s too much for your child.

Notice how your child talks about the practices/games- Is there enthusiastic talk or has the whole thing become a duty- no different than homework or other “duties”? If the program has become a duty its time to reevaluate.

And finally its super important as a parent to understand that all this is fatiguing, and it can be a great thing to by fatigued by physical activity, much better than being bored from sitting around and playing videos or watching youtube all afternoon!

Let your 7 or 8 year old do as many things as YOU are able to support- both financially and especially mentally and emotionally.

As your children grow they will find what they love, even if it isn’t your desire for them, and settle into that area with total abandon when they come to it from their own desire and free will.

Are you a parent with kids doing sports?

January 13, 2010 at 10:58 am | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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Are you a parent with kids doing sports?  Or is it dance? Karate?  Or any of the hundreds of other things our kids do now?

It’s kind of strange, when I was a kid- that’s what I was- a kid and I’d grow to be “Something.”

Not someone who DID something.  If I did it well, then I did it.

But now our kids are INVOLVED- not just with a capitol “I” but the whole word is in caps.

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So is this a bad thing?

Or does it just mean more work for us?

And is there any thing wrong with our kids who are not passionate about something, and do things for (OMG) fun alone?

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its simple to comment-click the “leave a comment” at the top and fill in the blue box w/your thoughts.

Love to hear from you!

Is It time to tell the truth about Santa?

December 18, 2009 at 10:45 am | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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I have to say – No its not time. Let your children have this special innocence AND even foster it.

To understand why I think this check out:

http://www.sheknows.com/articles/812726/page:2

an article written explaining my view

Thanksgiving- Are you going to make me cry?

November 25, 2009 at 10:14 am | In 1 | Leave a Comment

Hey GEM Parents,

It’s almost Turkey Day.  This may be one of my absolute favorite holidays.  For me its full of cooking- which I LOVE to do

Family- not huge, but as many together as we can have-  This year we’ll be ten.

We have a few traditions for Thanksgiving-

We chop lots of celery and onions till we are all crying and laughing because we are crying over the onions.

We rake some leaves.

We watch the Macy’s Day Parade, then the girls make up dances.

We watch the dog show – and all pick our favorite- Its usually the smaller one, but always the fluffiest one.

Then we have those that really have to do with being Thankful.

When we set the table we put seven kernels of popcorn on each plate.  Then when all the dishes and the turkey are taking up every spare space on the table we take a moment to compare the contrast of the seven corn kernels and the abundance of what we are about to eat.

What’s the significance of the seven corn kernels? – That’s what the Pilgrims had left of their provisions for their daily portion of food.

And that is the amount that some people have today!

No matter that I have done this for my whole life- The contrast always brings me to a real deep Thankfulness for all that I have. Even in my worst moments I know I have more than seven kernels of corn!

At some point when we are eating we go around the table and say what we are Thankful for. Yes this is canned and corny.  Lots of the regular stuff- “My family, my food, my sports, my house,” then everyone has something special to add- and I ALWAYS cry.  – I did even when I was a kid.

But now it’s a big joke and they get the tissues out (I secretly think they try to see who can make me cry the most)

And I guess that’s the best part for me.  Listening to everyone share little and HUGE things that they are thankful for.

SO for this Thanksgiving I am asking you two things

1) What are you thankful for?- I’m a sap about this. I really want to have a few tears over what you moms have to say! You can say it here and know I will really appreciate what you have to say. And no one will say anything stupid or mean about you for saying it.  AND no kids to make you anxious about saying it.

2) You may know that GEM Parenting is supporting the African Library Book Drive.

And just as I thought- you all really want to help out and give books, but it’s just a bit complicated to get the boopks to me.

SO instead it turns out the African Library Book Drive is in DESPERATE need of donations to help ship the books. I talked with a few charter members of GEM Parenting and we think that a $5.00 donation would be exactly right for GEM Parenting members.

So to give your donation click on the link below- fill out the form and you are done.

http://tinyurl.com/AfricanBookFS

PLEASE do these two things RIGHT now.

You are moms and I know as well as you, if you walk away and don’t do either you will just not do them.

And then you get to be stuck with the guilty feeling of not having made me happy- not so traumatic.

But you also get stuck with the guilt that with such a little time and effort and only $5.00 you can really help some kids who have only seven corn kernels some days – and of course NO books at all.

And that’s a big guilt so if you pick one- choose the donation.

Thanks for being a part of GEM Parenting -  I know its been a sleepy place for a while, I’ve been really concentrating on a new venture- Tigress Teens- Hot Spot fro Teen Girls Athletes.  And now that that is getting a solid start I will have time back hrer again.

But I really had to touch bases with you here at Thanksgiving to let you know I am honored that you came here and are a part of the GEM Parenting community.

Have a great Thanksgiving,

Grace

PS Do your donation NOW

http://tinyurl.com/AfricanBookFS

Girl the Boys that come in your path

November 1, 2009 at 12:33 pm | In 1 | Leave a Comment
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Just a quick update about Jilly’s coed hockey team-(Jilly is Grace’s 9 yo daughter, Jamie and Jeanee’s little sister).  The team is coed.  A girl scored the first goal.  There was no time division between how much the girls played as compared to the boys.  And most importantly there was NO difference between the aggressive spirit or the skills level of the boys or girls.

When I was a girl most of this would have been really Bizarre.  There were few if any girls who even played ice hockey.  And those that did had a real tough time of it.  They had to be way tough, take constant attack and abuse-from their own team members and their parents.  Some leagues refused to allow the girls to play at all.  Some refs decided AT THE GAMES that they would not allow the girls to play.  To have a coed team be the norm is fantastic!

The attitude of girls has changed immensely as well.  The fact that the girl who got the first goal knew what she could do and acted upon her ability and chance for a goal without holding anything back was thrilling to see.  There are still some girls, when put in a coed situation, who hold back for some unfortunate fear of upsetting boys.

The time playing is extremely important.  When a player is excellent yet made to sit on the bench due to being a girl you can be sure it has a negative effect on her.  To have a team that regards the girls as having as much skill, ability, and experience as the boys allows the girls to be at their best.  There is no need to feel anxious or worried that “as a girl I some how don’t make the mark.”

Out on the ice, when they were in their uniforms, pads and helmets, it was impossible to tell which were boys and which were girls.  Again in the past, the girls had a body language that made them stand apart from the boys.  This has disappeared.  The girls have the same energy and stance as any boy out there- some with more of the athletic stance than the boys.

You go girls!  And girl all the boys that come in your path!

 

This is blog post in http://TigressTeens.ning.com

If you are a teen girl athlete you should check this out

Plain Old Tuesday or Terrific Tuesday?

October 27, 2009 at 8:21 am | In Terrific Tuesday, attitudes | Leave a Comment
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It’s just plain old Tuesday. It’s not the beginning of the week. It’s not really the middle. It has no significance. It’s just a day.

Yet today is the most important day today. It’s this day that really matters- Without today you would not be. None of us would be.

I know you all work for the day of when your family runs smoothly.  Nothing gets in the way-. Those days are unique and special. You try to be at your best. You look forward to the excitement and adrenalin rush of the day. The anticipation builds and the day comes. Yes, those are the days that make up for today- plain old nothing Tuesday.

Wait a minute. I started this with Terrific Tuesday of Plain Old Tuesday, so why am I slumping up Tuesday this way?

You see everyday in your life matters. Some are memorable. Others just happen- you get up and eventually you go to bed- plain old Tuesday for sure. Yet it’s these regular days that set you apart. When you can take your mediocrity, your normal, and bring it to great then you will be great. Settling at any moment can bring you from being terrific to being good. Good is the antithesis of being terrific and great.

So what makes you be terrific today?

Now you put your comments in. Lets see what makes you parents tick on plain old Tuesday.

When did chores stop being a dirty word for teens?

October 8, 2009 at 8:07 pm | In responsibilities, teenagers | 1 Comment

Today I have a new teenager in my house.  Braces have started for her.  It’s kind of funny though.  When I was a kid I had braces on when I was ten to twelve.  It was considered WAY too early by most of my friends’ moms.  But now it’s really common.   And starting at 13 is on the late side now.

Now I think this is kind of funny because it seems that everything is happening at younger and younger ages, even to have braces being at younger ages.

So what is there to make your kid know s/he’s a teenager now?  There is still the driver’s license.  And that is a big one for sure.  But that happens well after you have become a teenager.  How about drinking?  No, that’s out (thank goodness) till you are supposed to be an adult.  Texting?  Nope, it’s brand new to the world, but it doesn’t have much to being a teenager.  Talking on the phone? Well, there is an increase as a teenager, but it is not like when I was kid.  Teenagers totally hogged the phone, got grounded because of talking too much on the phone.  Now everyone has their own phone so who cares how much you talk.

Oh here’s something that most of my freinds had when we became teens- Chores – Oh that was a dirty word.  But it also meant we were teenagers.  That concept- giving kids responsibility around the house- is surely an olden days, totally outdated fashion.  What is there for kids to do anyway?  -The dishes, the laundry, vacuum, (oh lowliest of jobs) the toilets.  Oh heaven forbid we have our over taxed kids do any of these things.

Uh oh, a bit of my opinion is leaking out here.  Yes, it is disgraceful that our kids be asked to partake of any job in our houses.  Why they just have way too much to do.  And so do we.

Yes we have so much to do now that we have all these things to help us keep track of everything we have to do, that no matter what we just have more to do.  And when could we ever get around to having our kids do any chores?

Do you have any idea of how to get kids to do chores and why you might even want them to do any?  Could it be related in any way to being a teenager?  Do chores start earlier?  What do you think will happen to these kids who never do any chores?

Whew- lots of questions.  Got any ideas or answers?  If so I suggest you hit the comment button and let us know.

Is It Tomorrow Yet?

October 7, 2009 at 8:33 pm | In attitudes | Leave a Comment
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Here it is late at night for me.  Not so late for some of my kids.  I remember that days when I had all my kids in bed by 8:00.  And I would be sleeping by 8:30.  Oh how I loved those days.  And we would all be up in the morning singing, happy and playing.  But now I have one child left who on her own- well almost on her own- gets up in the morning.

The other daughter at home is a SSSLLLLOOOOWWWW riser.  And with home schooling, she often forgets about the necessity of getting up.  So every now and then I spend the day letting her know and understand the privileges she gets.

Today was one of those days.  When she strolled downstairs at 9:00,  when she had her breakfast at 9:30, when she did her math test in pajamas, when she got to go for a bike ride after lunch, and now that she has just gotten home from dance she does not have to stay up for the next two hours to get her homework done.

These are her privileges for now.  And what do I get out of her being home schooled?

Sometimes it’s as easy as pie to understand.  You see I am just like you.  I have all kinds of stuff to do.  Busy stuff that really doesn’t mean too bits of anything if I get it done or not.  Only somehow it SEEMS like if I don’t get it done I, or one of my kids, will just fall all apart.

And so with home schooling I have this time when we are not actually crazy with that stuff.  But really the thing is that no matter how you raise your kids.  You get consumed with all the stuff.

So here’s what I am doing- writing you- and then I will go up and read to my kids, know that whatever is on my list that did not get done again today will still be on my list tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next.

Because tomorrow I get to start again, but it will never be today again.  You know that old cliche- Only it is true.  You just do what you can today.  Be thankful you have your kids and know that one day you won’t have them. You better really know that because no matter what you do, they will be gone.  And anything else would be too sad to think about.

Night all. Sleep well- I am sure I will now that I have shared this with you.

With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?

October 6, 2009 at 9:29 am | In 1, Diet / Nutrition, Family Time, How To | Leave a Comment
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With Our Busy Schedules, What Are Your 3 Valid Tips for Getting Dinner Ready in a Flash?

You know it is truly a miracle that everyday we can do what we as moms do. Who knew that all these modern conveniences would give us all the freedom to run around like chickens with our heads chopped off.

And now we get to have a contest, http://www.twittermoms.com/forum/topics/samsung-blogging-sweepstakes, to try and help each other out of some major daily hassle.

As for me, the dinner thing comes and goes in cycles. For a while I have it all under control. Then you know what hits the fan.

But all in all here are my three best proven tricks to help lesson the hassle of getting dinner on the table- and BTW I do make almost all dinners by scratch.

Best tip- have a menu for the week. You sit down once a week and get it done. No nonsense! Pick your main course, your veggies, carb, be sure to think about condiments and all that goes with the meal. Then put your grocery list together. And post your menu where EVERYONE can see it. Now follow it.

OK I know this is not exactly simple to get going. There are plenty of hassles that can get in the way. But here is the cool thing to do. My second tip- Find a site that has the recipes and use them.

My other favorite thing to smooth the dinner transition is to have the table set for dinner right after breakfast. No one leaves the house till the dinner table is set. This give everyone, including me, the understanding that dinner is valued in our house.

These are my fav ways to get dinner in the groove. Do you have a fav? I’d love to add them to my personal list. Just put in your comment and lets help each other out.

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